jjhart Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Long story short, my girlfriend ended it about 3.5 months ago, and it hurt. it still hurts. We dated for about a year, and i have had longer relationships in the past, that have gone bad, but i have never felt pain like this before. I have posted the full story on here before so i wont get into it, but after alot of thinking here are the things i can say: 1. I pretty much did everything wrong after things ended. I tried to talk to her. For me, i have always had to say things important face to face, thats how i am, thats how i have always been, and i knocked on her door. She didnt answer, i didnt think she was home. I called her, left a message. she calls me back a couple of days later. She wasnt straight up with me on things, said we would talk more, i thought things could be worked out. 2. I tried to talk to her again, to work things out. Big mistake, things got nasty, she finally told me she didnt have feelings for me anymore. I backed off. Apparently by then, she was telling people that i was knocking on her door late at night(7pm?), again, a big mistake. There wasnt much of a chance we were getting back together, but trying to talk to her destroyed any chance i had. 3. I see her facebook page, and i torture myself seeing her talk to other guys. Another big mistake. dont do this. you see things referencing you as the "ex" and seeing other comments. Not a good feeling. Worst part for me was she really didnt let me into her life. I see all these pictures of a life i was never part of, but that i so badly wanted to be in. Dont torture yourself. 4. I did things wrong with her, a thousand things, but the one thing i regret so much was letting my job take over my life. She suffered for that, i suffered for that. The week she broke it off, i walked into my bosses office, and said, "i cant work like this anymore" He said "dont, i almost lost my marriage in the same way". I will do 1000 things wrong with the next woman i date, but if i care about her, and she cares about me, she will look past those things. Never again though will i let a job get in the way. never again. 5. She did things wrong with me. We dated for a year, she met my parents, loved my parents, my parents loved her. I told her how much i cared about her. The last time we spoke, it got nasty, and she ripped me for not being able to talk about my feelings. I think back and say, yes, i may sound like a stuttering idiot when i did, but i did talk about them, she knew how i felt. I put my hand on her cheek, and told her flat out "I care about you, more than i have for someone in a long time." her response "I know you do". I loved her, she knew that. I cant remember one time she ever talked about her feelings with me. And after meeting my family, she never introduced me to hers. In fact, i cant think of one family member, friend or coworker of hers, i ever met, i didnt think she had very many friends. Facebook says otherwise. I think i was way too understanding when she told me "i have ahard time letting people in" it was an excuse, and she took advantage of my trust in her. it was tough to remain confident around someone who didnt want me to meet their family. To this day that bothers me, and i want to know what went through her head on that. I will never know. i had started to resent her for that, towards the end. but i didnt want things to be that way. In the end, she told me "you should have seen me separating myself from you" yeah, and if there was something wrong, she should have brought it up. She didnt have a response for that. 6. I didnt trust my gut that something was wrong. I knew something was off, but not necessarliy wrong. I planned a surprise dinner for her, flowers in the morning telling her i was taking her out to dinner, telling her it was nice, carriage ride, etc, all that to tell her how i felt about her, and where i wanted things to go, and how i wanted to be part of her life. She broke up with me the day before this was all planned. That was how i was going to solve the "off" part. I could go on and on on the things i have learned. But if your reading this, and you think something is wrong, your gut is telling you, confront it, take it head on, and if things fail, they fail. I also learned the hard way that a job is not that important, life is important, dont let it get in the way of what you love. I dont think my job overwhelming me was the cause of things going bad, but it probably contributed. and their is being an understanding partner, and putting your footdown when you see BS. I hate to say this, but trust your gut, if you dont believe what she is saying, tell her that, and tell her why. Today, i have lost 15 lbs, i work out almost every day. But i dont feel better. I still think about her every day when i wake up. I tell myself "she doesnt give a damn about you, she doesnt wake up thinking about you" but it doesnt make me feel better. I went out on a date the other night, and i had fun, but i thought about her a little during the date. Not fair to the woman i was with, but i couldnt help it. I am involved in many things now, but i still think about her, sometimes i break down and see her fb page, but she seems like a stranger a little more now. I miss her, and i want her back, but thats not going to happen, and if there was a chance of that, i probably blew it. Stay no contact, no FB, no anything, and you will probably be better off. You want her back, date someone else, you want to move on, date someone else. Whatever your reasons are, getting out and meeting people, dating other people, understanding that there are more people out there is what you have to do. I am trying. Be strong, and move on.
sean1970 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 (edited) It's really not fair.. stealing right from my heart and head for your post... One that I would have wrote but a few months ago... Remove the one sided family exposure, tack on 6 months, and add little LDR and it is pure plagiarism. Pain is still in your heart but your head is where it needs to be jjhart... Keep your chin up man... you are doing well; even if it does not feel like it... Edited February 4, 2010 by sean1970
bananaboat11 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Add some verbal abuse from her against you... lots of sex... no meeting the parents and an extra .5 of a month of NC and you've got my story right there. I didn't express my feelings the way I should've as I don't normally wear my emotions on my sleeve... (clearly, I am now heh...) but wow... I feel your pain, man. I'm sorry. I'm not ready to date other women... i'm not ready for anything. It is getting easier to live without my ex. A restricted phone call x 2 @ ~1:50AM the other night didn't help me much...
Author jjhart Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Something else i realized, i let her push the boundaries of the relationship. It was ever so subtle over a years time. I didnt even realize it was happening. I let her walk all over me at times, nothing real bad, but small things, that i didnt even think were issues, but i guess, yeah, she pushed the boundaries. I have never been good at picking up on the small things. I have dated people before that this issue was overt, and much easier to see, and confront. Such a mistake. Such a waste of a year. I wish i had a chance to do this all over again, maybe things would have been successful, maybe they would have ended much earlier. Christ, i am an idiot. Why dont i see things until its too late. Another thing i did wrong. I take responsibility for this, wish i had seen it for what it was, and not 4 months later. So subtle, i didnt even realize it. Nothing i can do about it now...
name witheld Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 There is something you can do. You can learn and move on. It will make you a better person if you do. Don't beat yourself up so much, we all make mistakes. We all take even the most precious things for granted because they are there. What makes a difference is how you deal with it.
Recommended Posts