Whitefox123 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Okay I'm kind of embarassed to even ask this but I need some help/motivation. My ex and I were together for 3 years...off and on since we broke up (a year and a half ago) It's been complete hell, but yet I've stuck around and poured my heart into him/the relationship in hopes that this time it would work. He's tried...I know he has...maybe just not as hard as I have. I'm to the point though that when I think about him, I feel, what I would imagine to be, a panic attack coming on. I feel like I'm depressed, but I try to put on that brave face for everyone else because they think I'm really done with him. Anyway...long story short, I'm thinking of seeking professional help to try to help myself get over this. I keep a journal of my feelings, but I'm starting to feel as if that's not enough. Has anyone ever had to do this? What was the outcome? Is this a good idea? I know I have to WANT to be done with this and get out of this rut. I have felt that way for awhile, but can't seem to stay away for good. I just want this madness to stop...and I want to feel better!
Howitzer Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I've seeked professional help for the first time this past fall. When you need it, you'll know. It really can't hurt to just try it though. Professional help..does help. I learned a lot looking inwards on myself, and really analyzing how I felt, and why I felt the way I did. I learned to not just experience my feeling, but to understand where they came from. Especially if you're a student, your school will probably have some sort of psychological or mental health services. I'd recommend trying those. Best of luck to you.
ducknrun Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Yeah I can relate. I am about as far as you are. Mine cheated over a year ago and tired to fix things but nothing seemed to work. We are finally separated going into 2010 but I have the same feelings. I feel depressed and feel like I will have a panic attack. I am trying everything to clear my mind, but nothing seems to work. I am also thinking of finding pofessional help because I can't do it on my own. It can't hurt. I hope you can find peace
angelaM Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 (edited) Yes, I have done this too and I would highly recommend it. You can go to someone and just lay it all out, what you're going through and that you want to get past this pain, and the therapist will help you get it sorted. If it doesn't feel right, you don't have to keep going, or you can find someone else, but I think it's worth a try. Also my doc gave me some things I could do when I was really feeling desperate or in a panic, ways to calm myself in the moment. That was very helpful and I still do them. Good luck to you. Edited February 4, 2010 by angelaM
Howitzer Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I have to say, the key to getting better is to take control of your own life, and to be in charge of the things you do to heal. Seeking professional help is valid, but you can't go to them thinking that they're going to solve your problems. You have to go in there with the attitude that you're willing to do what it takes, but you're just not sure of what to do. That's what professional help is for; they help you identify the steps you need to take to feel better.
Author Whitefox123 Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 Thanks for responding everyone! I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who is having these issues. I am going to look into the services that my school offers. I know it's not just him, but he can get me so high and so low in such a short period of time....and it's really taking a toll on me. I guess that's my fault for letting it happen that way though!
HeavenOrHell Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I know how it feels, ex left 6 months ago (18 years together), I have panic attacks about it, most mornings when I wake I feel anxious and have a feeling of dread, I am very depressed. I've been seeing Relate (UK) since we split, it helps to talk it all though with a counsellor. But ultimately no matter how much support we have no-one can pick us up, we have do to that ourselves, that's the difficult bit. I'm also thinking you need some kind of closure from him, to sit down once and for all and see if your relationship could ever work and if it clearly can't you both need to walk away. Okay I'm kind of embarassed to even ask this but I need some help/motivation. My ex and I were together for 3 years...off and on since we broke up (a year and a half ago) It's been complete hell, but yet I've stuck around and poured my heart into him/the relationship in hopes that this time it would work. He's tried...I know he has...maybe just not as hard as I have. I'm to the point though that when I think about him, I feel, what I would imagine to be, a panic attack coming on. I feel like I'm depressed, but I try to put on that brave face for everyone else because they think I'm really done with him. Anyway...long story short, I'm thinking of seeking professional help to try to help myself get over this. I keep a journal of my feelings, but I'm starting to feel as if that's not enough. Has anyone ever had to do this? What was the outcome? Is this a good idea? I know I have to WANT to be done with this and get out of this rut. I have felt that way for awhile, but can't seem to stay away for good. I just want this madness to stop...and I want to feel better!
HeavenOrHell Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Also bear in mind, as my therapist said, that the panic is a normal reaction in situations like this and that each time you panic it will pass, it doesn't mean you're going mad, it just means you are feeling scared and confused.
Author Whitefox123 Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 Thanks, especially for that reminder in your last post. I have honestly thought I was losing my mind or that this wasn't natural. As far as getting closure from him, we've sat down and had "the talk" many times. It seems as neither one of us know what to do. I asked him to get out of my life at one point and told him that I was "done" (I really thought i was) but after a few weeks I was feeling so much for him still. I've dated other people and still felt this way about him, so I dont think it's a matter of being lonely or comfortable. I will admit our line of communication has opened up quite a bit over the course of the last year and a half, but I guess it's still not at 100%. I've been working on a letter to him (we just started talking again after this last break up) so I'm kind of anxious to give it to him. I'm not begging for another chance like I always used to, I'm just telling him exactly how I am feeling and dealing with this!!! Good luck with your situation!
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