Cinnamon Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I met online a man who does not want to have sex as soon as possible. He does not want to kiss on the first dates. But, he is fine with making out on dates 3 and more and, also, he is able to get hard while we are making out. He wants exclusivity, and he wants to postpone having sex for a month or even more. I let him know that I want to try to have sex. But, he wants to postpone it anyway. I actually have a feeling that there might be something wrong with his sexual ability or personality. Any suggestions? Why a man would prefer to postpone sex as long as possible?
greatgirlfriend Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Because he's one of the few guys who respects sex. The guy I'm dating is one who wants to wait months before sex. At first I thought it was odd, but now I like the idea.
meerkat stew Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 He wants to postpone sex for a month? Call the testosterone police! C'mon are you serious? I think you are overreacting.
counterman Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I think you are overreacting as well. I wouldn't want to have sex as soon as possible and would wait as well.
Author Cinnamon Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 (edited) He wants to postpone sex for a month? Call the testosterone police! C'mon are you serious? I think you are overreacting. So, do you think it is totally normal of an online guy? I can not understand what he is waitng. What does he want to find out during the waiting period? Edited February 4, 2010 by Cinnamon
DiscoChick Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 He sounds great to me. Some guys are actually capable of...self control.
OnlyJake Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 When I read the title of your thread I thought "No way, I'd peace out." Then I read your post and thought, "Yeah, so?" Relax
Awesome Username Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 The media shoves down mens' throats every day that the more women they get and the faster they get them in bed, the more manly they are. The truth is that a lot of them need time to get comfortable with their partners. I've known a lot of guys who said that they can't perform because they're nervous around a stranger - I think we forget sometimes that men can be cautious and it's normal, especially considering the STDs going around these days.
meerkat stew Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I can not understand what he is waitng. What does he want to find out during the waiting period? I dunno, whether you have cooties or not? Seriously, he may have learned that early sex is not the best way to get to know someone fully. Tough it out, it's only a month! If he won't give it up after 2-3 months, -then- maybe ask him what's up.
meerkat stew Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I've known a lot of guys who said that they can't perform because they're nervous around a stranger Exactly. This is why I don't let my buddies hang out in the closet and film when I bring a new girl home any more. The stage fright can cause problems.
jenifer1972 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Why do you want to have sex so soon? Seems only wise, especially if you meet someone off the internet whom you cannot get any feedback about from friends who know their past, to wait a bit and make sure they are not psycho. He probably doesn't want to get entangled with someone and then find out she is not right for him, and then have to do an awkward, hurtful "big fade"...and be called a jerk...sounds admirable to me.
tincanman99 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 After reading an article today that 40% of women in the US have an STD at some point in their life is pretty scary. I have always been leary about AIDS and other fun things about like Herpes, I dont think its bad to wait. That way you get to know the person. I have enormous amounts of self control. If you cant wait, go home and rub one out and you will be calm afterwards. Do you honestly want to be involved with someone who had like a bazillion partners?
Sharla Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I agree with the other comments. How is there anyway to know with 100% certainty what his real reasons are? You can't possibly, unless if/when you two did reach that point....actions will either follow thereon or they won't.
sxyNYCcpl Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Assuming you find sex an enjoyable and worthwhile activity, why would you want to wait?
D-Lish Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 What does he want to find out during the waiting period? Honestly? If you're a whore or not.
mem11363 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Over 20 years ago - I met my future wife. She sort of asked me out - but only because she was one step ahead of me. We went out and kissed. And then I started sleeping over - no sex - just making out. I really liked her and wanted her to fall for me first and sleep with me second. I HAD NEVER done that before. Anyway she was slow to fall in love, and after 2 months I could tell she was going to dump me if I didn't put out - so I took off my clothes and we had fun. Hey it wasn't the first or second or third or fourth for me - more like the 20th. I just wanted to go slow. Once we did have sex she found out that I had a super high sex drive and really liked to please her first. I know she was starting to worry there was something wrong with me - LOL. I met online a man who does not want to have sex as soon as possible. He does not want to kiss on the first dates. But, he is fine with making out on dates 3 and more and, also, he is able to get hard while we are making out. He wants exclusivity, and he wants to postpone having sex for a month or even more. I let him know that I want to try to have sex. But, he wants to postpone it anyway. I actually have a feeling that there might be something wrong with his sexual ability or personality. Any suggestions? Why a man would prefer to postpone sex as long as possible?
Mr White Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I'll fill in until he comes around, no problemo.
skydiveaddict Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 [quote name= Any suggestions? Why a man would prefer to postpone sex as long as possible?[/quote] perhaps religious beliefs
Skump Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 (edited) Any suggestions? Why a man would prefer to postpone sex as long as possible? For those looking for LTRs, there's a pretty good argument to be made for deferring sex. It's as simple as this: The passions aroused by sex can mask many fundamental incompatibilities between partners. If you can't rely on f*cking to hold your interest in another person, then your relationship will be sustained only if genuine intellectual and emotional compatibility exists. It's an acid test. (Moreover, one has no guarantee that his spouse won't end up with some form of cancer, etc., that would preclude sexual activity for an extended period. So unless you're a betting man or willing to cheat, you need to know if you can handle such a disaster scenario.) I'd wager that if people had to wait a few months before having sex with a potential spouse, the divorce rate would absolutely plummet. That said, religious/philosophical objections aside, waiting until marriage to have sex probably isn't a good idea, either. Confirming physical compatibility is important, too. Edited February 4, 2010 by Skump
Itzo Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I met online a man who does not want to have sex as soon as possible. He does not want to kiss on the first dates. But, he is fine with making out on dates 3 and more and, also, he is able to get hard while we are making out. He wants exclusivity, and he wants to postpone having sex for a month or even more. I let him know that I want to try to have sex. But, he wants to postpone it anyway. I actually have a feeling that there might be something wrong with his sexual ability or personality. Any suggestions? Why a man would prefer to postpone sex as long as possible? This is because he might had some issues in the past ... kissing women and whatever ... and then he got rejected for some reason. He did not want to get rejected again, perhaps that's why ... ... for some men, it is a tough game to play.
neowulf Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I perfer to wait a while, until I know the person I'm going to bed with. Then again, I remember having this conversation with a woman a few years back.. we basically came to the this conclusion. For some, sex is a contact sport. For others, it's an expression of emotional intimancy For some it's both, depending on the mood. So if a guy is holding off, it's a pretty sure thing it's *more* than sex he wants from you.
Itzo Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I perfer to wait a while, until I know the person I'm going to bed with. Then again, I remember having this conversation with a woman a few years back.. we basically came to the this conclusion. For some, sex is a contact sport. For others, it's an expression of emotional intimancy For some it's both, depending on the mood. So if a guy is holding off, it's a pretty sure thing it's *more* than sex he wants from you. Good points ... I love all of them make sense into some extent. How about ... the guy who wants to postpone sex and kissing ... he's propably taking religion way too seriously.
Leia Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I think you are overreacting as well. I wouldn't want to have sex as soon as possible and would wait as well. He sounds great to me. Some guys are actually capable of...self control. The media shoves down mens' throats every day that the more women they get and the faster they get them in bed, the more manly they are. The truth is that a lot of them need time to get comfortable with their partners. I've known a lot of guys who said that they can't perform because they're nervous around a stranger - I think we forget sometimes that men can be cautious and it's normal, especially considering the STDs going around these days. Why do you want to have sex so soon? Seems only wise, especially if you meet someone off the internet whom you cannot get any feedback about from friends who know their past, to wait a bit and make sure they are not psycho. He probably doesn't want to get entangled with someone and then find out she is not right for him, and then have to do an awkward, hurtful "big fade"...and be called a jerk...sounds admirable to me. Honestly? If you're a whore or not. perhaps religious beliefs I perfer to wait a while, until I know the person I'm going to bed with. Then again, I remember having this conversation with a woman a few years back.. we basically came to the this conclusion. For some, sex is a contact sport. For others, it's an expression of emotional intimancy For some it's both, depending on the mood. So if a guy is holding off, it's a pretty sure thing it's *more* than sex he wants from you. With all of them here. I would totally agree with the guy if he wanted to wait. I don't mind waiting.
marlena Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 He wants to postpone sex for a month? Call the testosterone police! This. Low testosterone. Unless he's very young and inexperienced, I "smell" a problem.
Eeyore79 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 My boyfriend has an extremely high sex drive, but when we first met he didn't want to have sex at all. I don't mean that he physically didn't want to have sex, because he would get hard when we kissed etc. I mean that he withheld from sex despite his physical desires, because he feels that it's an expression of emotional intimacy and he wanted to get to know me as a person before he decided whether his feelings for me were strong enough to warrant a sexual relationship. Once we had dated for a while and we really had feelings for each other, then there was no stopping him! So I think your guy is probably just one of those who associates emotional feelings with sex, and doesn't want to bang girls who he doesn't have genuine feelings for. He's waiting to see how his feelings for you develop before he progresses to an exclusive and physical relationship. I don't really see anything wrong with that; most girls would kill for a guy who saw sex as something more than just physical gratification. Also, as others have pointed out, with all the STDs going around you'd have to be crazy to have sex with someone who you weren't in an exclusive relationship with and hadn't known long enough to assess whether you could trust them not to pass on nasty diseases.
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