lettym Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Ok well I didn't write this for people to put me down even more than i already am. I feel as if i've been stomped all over already and who knows, maybe i deserve it. This is like a vent but some opinions on my situation would be greatly appreciated. Ok well I met this guy when i was around 16 and we were together on and off for about a year and i broke it off. I am now 20. He is now 24. We led seperate lives until almost a year ago. He got a girl pregnant and they now have a little girl together and live together. I'm not even sure if he loves his girlfriend, they are not married but might as well be. So then all of sudden out of the blue he started calling me blocked caller sometime last year. He was drunk every time and would always tell me and never stopped loving me. Questioning me on why I broke up with him years prior. He would always tell me that he wanted to see me. These phone calls went on for a couple of months until finally i decided to see him. BIG MISTAKE. I've always had feelings for him, even while we were broken up but i fell in love with him these last months and i love him. It's so wrong but I do. He told me that he doesn't love his girlfriend and that he's only with her for their daughter. He told me that if he didn't have a daughter he'd be with me and we could be happy together. He told me that he loved me and that he missed me so much. I told him I wanted to be with him too but we can't because of the situation. Meaning that he has a family and it wouldn't be right for us to see each other like this. I told him that this was wrong. He would say he knows it's wrong but he loves me and wanted to be with me. Then we had sex in his van. He took my virginity. This is where I just get so mad at myself cuz it's like i was blind. I believed all his lies and yes i take responsibility too because i am not a little girl but i was naive. So in total we have had sex four times but we don't speak anymore. I broke it off with him about one week and a half ago. Erased him from my contacts, and changed my phone number and now I hear that he's trying to find number out from people i know. I broke it off cuz i knew what we were doing was not right. I mean he is practically a married man with a family! I knew the whole time what i was doing was so wrong but i couldn't help it cuz i loved him. I felt as if i couldn't let him go, especially because he was my first. I know i must have self esteem issues too because i let my first time sex be in his van. But now when i look back on it he didn't have any respect for me at all. If he really did love me like he said he would have made my first time special, not in his van. Now that i think about it seems like all he wanted was sex and i know that for a fact now. I found out he told someone i know that all he wanted me for was the sex. He told me his plans were to send his family to mexico and him stay here and we could be together. I found out his real plans was that they were all leaving to mexico. So i broke it off. We don't speak anymore and i have lots of anger towards him. I feel so hurt, stupid, and low. But then i think to myself that i deserve everything i'm feeling because i knew what i was getting myself into. Again i was naive enough to think everything he was telling me was true. I thought he really did love me....well i found out otherwise. I also found out he's been telling all his friends the sexual things we did which makes me feel so low!!! It's always too much for me to handle when i really start to think about it cuz i know it's partly my fault. I should have never started talking to him. During this whole time i would tell my best friend everything. She would tell me what i was doing was wrong and that i should end it. Took me a long time to end it but i did. She's really mad about the situation too, about him telling his friends everything we did. I mean maybe i deserve being talked about like that? I dont know. She yesterday she saw his girlfriend at the store and she told her everything. My best friend said that all the girlfriend said was that she'd talk to him about it and that it was weird because the girlfriend had a weird smile on her face the whole time. Some opinions from u guys? Do you think i have the right to feel the way i'm feeling? or do i really deserve everything i'm feeling? I know i did wrong, that's why i ended it. He has a family, it just isn't right. I take this as a lesson learned. I will never ever do this again.
fooled once Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 You can be mad at yourself, because you knew he was with someone else. BUT you are also incredibly young and you believed all the lies he was telling you, because you are naive (I don't mean that as a criticism, just that you are young and naive). Stay away from him and his girlfriend/baby mama. If he wanted to be with you (or anyone else) he could. Just because you have a child with someone doesn't mean you have to spend your life with them. I am happily married to a man who has 2 kids with an ex wife. I have a son from my first marriage. People with children DO separate and get divorced. So his line of he would be with you, but darn it, he has a child - is just that - a line. You know better now to not get too close to someone in a relationship already. You are special enough to have your OWN guy, to not share with someone else. Lesson learned. Learn from it and move forward. Don't keep beating yourself up. Good luck!
pureinheart Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Oh man, that is jacked up...telling people what went on between the two of you!!!!!! Quite literally, when I was 20 I would have beat his a** (not kidding at all). That is like way uncool. Hey, don't beat yourself up or cut yourself down because sometimes love can be blind....many people have been through this and much worse. You are intelligent and don't forget that. My advice is to get some councelling...I keep hearing from you "how low" you feel and that has me concerned.....most on this board could tell you that you are not "low" and yet until you really understand that you are not, I fear that this will haunt you and possibly taint the beautiful future you have before you. I could sit here and tell you this guy is the big "L" and all of that stuff, although the more of a loser I say he is, the worst you might feel about you....councelling sounds like the best bet....
lkjh Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 There is a lot you can learn from this starting from not dating drunk losers, to not making friends with taken guys. Also, you can learn not to trust everything people tell you, make them earn your trust Last don't write this off as being young, 20 is not that young and yes people make mistakes but 20 is bit 16
2sure Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 You made a mistake. Life is all about mistakes and lessons. Without those two things you cant get to the good stuff . With those two things, we learn to make good choices and decisions. You will make many more mistakes. Regret and remorse will be attached to many of them. Some guilt, some anger , but ultimately from every mistake you have to take a life lesson. Thats how its done. As to what you deserve? One has nothing to do with the other , this is a lesson to move on with. And at only 20 , a good time to do so. Life and its lessons can be hard. Hard to swallow. The lessons most difficult to move on from are those we feel we inflicted on ourselves. I know. But , part of the entire experience is coping with it , forgiving yourself, and absorbing it. Those are good skills to take with you, skills you wouldnt have if you made no mistakes.
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