Dating again soon!

[counterman]

Hi,

 

It has been over half a year since my recent break-up and I feel that I am pretty soon ready to date again. I am feeling pretty confident but, of course, I have some niggling doubts!

 

Seeing as I am going back to university soon, I am planning on dating girls that are there but I am open to suggestion as to where to meet others outside my uni.

 

I was wondering how should I approach the girls I am interested at my uni. Because the last girl I dated I knew already, I just asked her out and that was that. But this time, meeting someone new just seems a bit daunting to me. Someone new that I am interested in that is. How do you think I should approach them? And anything else to do with that regards and asking them out, etc.

 

So, any advice would be welcomed!

 

Thanks!

[alphamale]

I was wondering how should I approach the girls I am interested at my uni.

 

counterman: hi, so whats your name?

girl: michelle, tee hee, whats yours?

counterman: i'm counterman, you have beautiful eyes michelle

girl: oh thanks

counterman: look, um, i know we don't know each other but i'm really attracted to you

girl: how so

counterman: i don't know, i just think you're cute

girl: just "cute"?

counterman: no, awesome cute

girl: giggle giggle

counterman: how about dinner this friday nite? i know this great place

girl: ok, heres my number xxx-xxx-xxxx, call me

[Calendula]

Hey Counterman, thought I would quote this here even though it is a bit out of context to add a few more discussion points for the women reading this:

 

From a recent thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2638403#post2638403

 

That's what I wanted to know, your personal experience and opinion on the matter. I think what I meant by making it sound like an interview is when only one person just asks the questions and the other one answers. He/she never answers his own question. I have had experiences where I'll ask someone something, in an attempt to get to know them, only to receive one worded answers, it will go on for a little longer and few more questions before I realised they aren't interested or have low energy. I think that's what I meant by being like an interview.

 

I agree with you in that when you ask something, you answer it yourself and also the conversation could flow from that in which we both share our opinions and experiences, thus getting to know each other. I would often usually talk about her interests. Of course with me there will be a little flirting but not overtly as to imply that I want sex. And yes, there are other ways besides teasing and being verbally suggestive such as body language. Some girls do not like to be teased; it just rubs them the wrong way.

 

I also wanted to ask you about your experiences with guys asking you out. How do they go about it? What do they talk about? How would you like to be approached? Anything to do with that regard. Instances where you would not give out your number and instances where you will. A lot of guys I know of think that getting numbers is being successful, which I don't agree with.

 

I figure these are questions that it might be helpful for any woman to answer to help give you some insight.

[Calendula]

I was reading one of your older threads and I thought this was especially relevant as well. It seems to me that you already have a good idea of how to approach a girl and have a decent conversation .

 

From Thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t217059/

 

Yep, I'll just imagine her as one of my friends that's a girl and talk to her normally, if she isn't interested than I'll move on. Close one, I was gonna try the "hey beautiful" one but you're right, that's just a bit too much and she'll definitely think I do this to every girl.

 

Sometimes, I get trapped into the questionaire sorta talk i.e. just asking her about what she does for work, what course she is studying, how she's finding her course and it seems really forced, like I want to talk about generic things that I like such music, movies, sports, news, a story that happened to me, etc. but yes, I get a bit discouraged when they aren't really receptive to, say, a story I find humourous. But, I heard it isn't really what I was that matters, just as long as we're talking and the body language is positive. Maybe I should just keep practising? I swear the fear of rejection is hard thing to get over! But I've always been really confident.

 

The kind of approaches that work best with me are the relaxed ones where the guy just wants to have a conversation and doesn't seem to care where the conversation will lead. I've always responded better to questions than compliments. It is easier to come up with something to say in response to a question and build a conversation out of it. With a compliment what can a girl say but "Thanks, you have nice eyes too." I mean really! There are lots of better ways of letting a girl know that you think she is attractive, the fact that you came over to talk to her tells her that already.

 

If you want to attract and keep a girl with any brains, go for conversation, natural conversation, the type you would have with a good friend. Ask her questions and volunteer information in return. Pretend you've known her for years, and you don't care what she looks like (even if her looks are what attracted you in the first place), and just relax and be yourself. If she isn't responsive, than she might not be attracted to you and you can move on. If she does respond and you hooked her with the real, relaxed you, then the rest of your relationship and conversation will stay easy. If you can't have a good conversation with the person you're interested in from the beginning, your relationship will probably struggle if you get that far.

[Calendula]

As far as phone numbers go, I don't see any point in asking a girl for her phone number if you haven't had a conversation with her and know almost nothing about her. I'll give a guy my phone number when I know that the conversation we've been having is one I would like to continue.

 

I would think that it doesn't take long for most girls to decide if the guy they're talking to is someone they would be comfortable with having call them, and I usually know within anywhere from 10-20 minutes into a decent conversation. If you two hit it off, she may volunteer her phone number without you even having to ask for it, if only so that you can figure out how to meet up later on for some other event. By the end of the first date you should have a pretty good idea of whether or not a second date is likely, and perhaps even made tentative plans (what kind of food she likes, what her schedule looks like, etc).

 

If you especially like a girl, but are unsure as to whether she will give you her phone number, you can also always give her yours first. Sure, it puts the first call in her hands, but it shows confidence on your part (confidence that she will call you), even if she never calls.

[Calendula]

A good male friend of mine had a trick that would usually at least get a laugh and got him many more first and second dates than he actually deserved. He simply assumed that the answer to "will you go have dinner with me?" was a yes, and just skipped to the next question: "So, when should we meet up at (restaurant name) for dinner?" or "So, when should I pick you up for dinner?" Terribly cheeky, but it usually worked, especially when coupled with relaxed confidence and charm.

[boogieboy]

Wow, Calendula is on the money.

 

Counterman you should copy and paste what she wrote and put it on your desktop.

 

You should memorize this and say it to yourself when you go to approach a woman...

The kind of approaches that work best with me are the relaxed ones where the guy just wants to have a conversation and doesn't seem to care where the conversation will lead.

[counterman]

Thanks for the transcript, alphamale! That seems pretty straight-forward and simple enough! Though, would lunch be okay?

 

Calendula, thanks for highlighting those points for me! I probably should have added a bit more detail into what I was asking.

 

I think I do know how to approach a girl and have a conversation with her but, it's just after my break-up, I haven't really approached any girls that I'm interested in. I noticed a few girls were interested in me but I was not interested in them. I tried approaching one girl and had a quick conversation with her. I was so nervous, of course, and couldn't tell if she was interested. Besides, I was trying for force myself to date again when I clearly was still getting over my break-up; it was just way too soon. I saw her again, got her number but didn't ask her out. I think she knew what I wanted but I was not ready to ask her out. Soon, I realised she was not right for me anyways. So, I guess I am pretty rusty.

 

I agree, if I go up to a girl to talk to her, it does show that I find her attractive. I think I'll just remain relaxed and just talk, without trying too hard to think about what I am going to say. I usually talk between 5 to 10 minutes because that's how much time I usually have, say, if I am on to my way to somewhere. But, I'll try to have a longer conversation to see how it goes and not be too quickly to dismiss a chance.

 

With numbers, I usually exchange numbers. Of if I ask for her number, as I leave, I would text her just a fun, light-hearted message. She'll know it's from me. But yes, I would not ask for a girl's number if I think she is not interested, if the conversation does not go well. I would rather this then just ask her out for the sake of it and possibly get rejected. I'll move on if she is not interested.

 

I have never given my number to a girl first but I'll definitely keep that in mind. If she is really interested in me, she will call and then I'll ask her out from there!

 

As for approaching the girl, I mean, do I just go up to her when I see her on campus? I mean she could be in a different course and in a different year. Or, should I stick to the safer options of my tutorials and lectures and maybe social events?

 

I think I'll be fine with all of this. It is just getting that confidence back in dating.

 

Thanks again!

[Calendula]

Wow, Calendula is on the money.

 

Counterman you should copy and paste what she wrote and put it on your desktop.

 

You should memorize this and say it to yourself when you go to approach a woman...

 

Thank you BoogieBoy .

 

Now if only I could get more guys to figure this out and approach me like this... Sigh...

[counterman]

Wow, Calendula is on the money.

 

Counterman you should copy and paste what she wrote and put it on your desktop.

 

You should memorize this and say it to yourself when you go to approach a woman...

 

 

Yep! I have that firmly in my mind!

 

Thank you BoogieBoy .

 

Now if only I could get more guys to figure this out and approach me like this... Sigh...

 

I thought that guys would already approach you that way! You seem very articulate and intelligent.

[Calendula]

As for approaching the girl, I mean, do I just go up to her when I see her on campus? I mean she could be in a different course and in a different year. Or, should I stick to the safer options of my tutorials and lectures and maybe social events?

 

I think I'll be fine with all of this. It is just getting that confidence back in dating.

 

You'll be fine. If you see a girl that you think you're interested in, approach her. The answer is automatically NO if you don't even try and ask the question. You have nothing to loose except for a bit of pride, and if you go into it without expecting anything but a brief conversation then you won't be dissappointed and you might end up with more than you hoped for. Set your first goal at getting the girl to talk to you and take it from there depending on how the conversation goes.

 

Also, don't worry about age, year in school, degree program, or any of that stuff. If you hit it off, then all of that won't matter much anyway, and in the process you might meet some really interesting people. Just have fun and don't take yourself too seriously.

 

I thought that guys would already approach you that way! You seem very articulate and intelligent.

 

Check out the threads on confidence in women. Believe it or not, I think intelligent, articulate women have a harder time getting guys to approach them than most. Most guys want a girl that they can take care of, who will need them above all else, and who will look to them for advice and guidance. A woman who has her stuff together, who knows what she wants, and who is independent, isn't likely to be like that and will have higher expectations and demands of any guy that approaches her. Any guy without at least the same amount of confidence and/or independence doesn't even usually try. In all honesty, most of those that don't even try probably wouldn't have much of a chance for the long term, but it is still a nice compliment to be approached anyway.

 

Lately, I've taken to approaching guys I'm interested in, but that puts a whole different spin on things, and most guys don't handle it too well.

 

In the big scheme of things, it doesn't bother me too much, though. If things don't work out with one prospect, for whatever reason, then I just figure that it's time to move on to the next one. If someone can't handle or doesn't appreciate who you are from the beginning, it is just a waste of time and effort to push things (she'll like me when she gets to know me better so I should just call her a lot, or other thoughts to that effect).

 

You're still young. You've got a lot of dating and relationship time ahead of you still. Keep reading postings on this site and you can learn a lot about what works and what to avoid. The more you can observe and learn from other people's mistakes and frustrations, the better off you will be, as your path to happiness and harmony will be much shorter and less painful than most.

[counterman]

Okay, maybe I am not quite ready for dating. Although, when I am, which I think is soon (since I am still a little cautious about being hurt again), I'll definitely approach girls that I am interested in and not expect too much. Just have a conversation, if it goes well, I'll get her number and ask her out, if it doesn't then I'll just move on. I found girls warm to me better when I am actually trying not to get anything out of it. So, I'll just stay relaxed and just talk. If all I lose is a little pride then so be it. I rather it be that then never asking a girl out and missing out. Some of my friends have that mentality that they should be proud because they have never been rejected (because they have never asked any girls out!), so yes. I will definitely go for it!

 

As for intelligent girls, I can see why some guys would lack a bit of confidence in approaching them. I find that a lot of my guy friends do not approach girls they think are more intelligent than them. As for me, I think I know myself pretty well and know what I want. I have had a few girls say they like me in the past and it didn't turn out too pretty. They usually shy away really fast when they realised that I was not too interested and they would quickly change the subject. It was really new to me back then so I didn't know how to handle it. But, I think if you do approach guys you are interested in, you will eventually get something you really want. And I completely agree with you that if someone does not appreciate your efforts and who you are from the start then there is no point trying to push things further.

 

I sure will keep on reading posts and I will definitely keep posting myself. I still have a lot ahead of me and can say that it is no longer too daunting but rather exciting. I have learnt heaps over the last couple of month especially and from my own mistakes. In saying that, I am not afraid to learn again from future mistakes. It is an ever learning experience.

 

Thanks for sharing your perspective. It has been a breathe of fresh air!

[meerkat stew]

"So, when should we meet up at (restaurant name) for dinner?" or "So, when should I pick you up for dinner?" Terribly cheeky, but it usually worked, especially when coupled with relaxed confidence and charm.

 

That's a good one! Good advice in the thread counterman, if I had college to do over again, I would dance with more women when the opportunity arose, bands, parties and such. Just trying goes a long way with many women even if you aren't a good dancer, they don't care and no one is watching you shuffle around anyway.

[counterman]

Yep, I am loving the advice, meerkat!

 

I am very self-conscious of my dancing ability. I don't know if it's because I play sports but, when I try to dance, I am so rigid! However, I will dance with more girls when the chance arises I actually enjoy it even though I'm pretty shocking!

[Leia]

From all your posts that I have been reading [i'm not stalking you!], you seem like a cool guy so don't you worry, I'm sure you will have no problem approaching a girl. Who knows, the girls might approach you!

[counterman]

From all your posts that I have been reading [i'm not stalking you!], you seem like a cool guy so don't you worry, I'm sure you will have no problem approaching a girl. Who knows, the girls might approach you!

 

Feel free to stalk all you want I'm just kidding!

 

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Leia! That really put a smile to my face. Let's hope I get that smirk off my face and lose the big head before I get too cocky.

 

In all seriousness, I really appreciate it! If the girls approaches me, I'll be ecstatic! If they don't, I will approach them and see how it goes!

[Leia]

Feel free to stalk all you want I'm just kidding!

 

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Leia! That really put a smile to my face. Let's hope I get that smirk off my face and lose the big head before I get too cocky.

 

In all seriousness, I really appreciate it! If the girls approaches me, I'll be ecstatic! If they don't, I will approach them and see how it goes!

 

Big head? Yea that wouldn't be attractive

 

Do let us know whenever that happens

[counterman]

LOL, don't worry, I never get ahead of myself! All good

 

I will definitely inform you guys when it happens. Just have to stay relaxed because I have bouts of confidence and nervousness. Hopefully, it will be alright

[counterman]

Okay, I have another question, in addition to my others.

 

If I have the first date in mind, i.e. the place, date and time, do I offer to give her a lift or just meet up at the destination? Or, say go together from an area on campus (if the date is near or on campus)?

 

Personally, I think meeting up at the place is fine or walking together is fine. However, I have read that some guys give lifts, not necessarily on the first date though.

 

I am thinking lunch dates are okay too, right? I have had them before and they went fine.

 

Any other advice would be most welcomed!

[harmfulsweetz]

Hi,

 

It has been over half a year since my recent break-up and I feel that I am pretty soon ready to date again. I am feeling pretty confident but, of course, I have some niggling doubts!

 

Seeing as I am going back to university soon, I am planning on dating girls that are there but I am open to suggestion as to where to meet others outside my uni.

 

I was wondering how should I approach the girls I am interested at my uni. Because the last girl I dated I knew already, I just asked her out and that was that. But this time, meeting someone new just seems a bit daunting to me. Someone new that I am interested in that is. How do you think I should approach them? And anything else to do with that regards and asking them out, etc.

 

So, any advice would be welcomed!

 

Thanks!

 

Find something you have in common to talk about i.e. if you share a class, ask about an assignment, what they think of the lecturer/module etc. Move it forward naturally, i.e. if she's responsive (asks you questions back) then proceed to ask where she likes to hang out etc, asking if she'd like to go there with you sometime.

 

If she's not in a class with you, it may be slightly more tricky as you will struggle to instantly find that common ground, but generally, approach them asking directions to somewhere and just see where it leads.

 

Keep it light, and casual, and fun, and you'll have no problems!

 

Good luck!

[harmfulsweetz]

Okay, I have another question, in addition to my others.

 

If I have the first date in mind, i.e. the place, date and time, do I offer to give her a lift or just meet up at the destination? Or, say go together from an area on campus (if the date is near or on campus)?

 

Personally, I think meeting up at the place is fine or walking together is fine. However, I have read that some guys give lifts, not necessarily on the first date though.

 

I am thinking lunch dates are okay too, right? I have had them before and they went fine.

 

Any other advice would be most welcomed!

 

Play it by ear. If you think it's some distance from her home where you are going to, then give her a lift. If it's relatively easy to get to, then meet there, or halfway. I always like to meet halfway. But like I say, either is fine. It just depends.

 

Yeah, lunch dates are good, but for a first date, I think unless it's like a first meeting thing, it's best to go on like a nighttime date, it secures interest, because lunch dates can come off casual and just friendly, do what you are comfortable with though.

[counterman]

Find something you have in common to talk about i.e. if you share a class, ask about an assignment, what they think of the lecturer/module etc. Move it forward naturally, i.e. if she's responsive (asks you questions back) then proceed to ask where she likes to hang out etc, asking if she'd like to go there with you sometime.

 

If she's not in a class with you, it may be slightly more tricky as you will struggle to instantly find that common ground, but generally, approach them asking directions to somewhere and just see where it leads.

 

Keep it light, and casual, and fun, and you'll have no problems!

 

Good luck!

 

I think sharing a class is easier. There were a few girls who I shared classes with last semester and they were interested in me but I wasn't really interested in them. I think it was because I was relaxed and just being normal, instead of trying anything, which I rarely (if ever) do. Should be good!

 

As for girls out of class, I have approached a few and, in my opinion, if the girl is not interested or if she is just has low energy (I wouldn't want her anyway) there would be something completely wrong if I can't find some thing to talk about with the girl. You are right though, it is slightly trickier to find some thing common. I've never really asked someone for directions before! Might try that!

 

Yeah, I am starting to feel better about all of this! Of course, I am still not completely over my break-up but I am definitely getting there.

 

Play it by ear. If you think it's some distance from her home where you are going to, then give her a lift. If it's relatively easy to get to, then meet there, or halfway. I always like to meet halfway. But like I say, either is fine. It just depends.

 

Yeah, lunch dates are good, but for a first date, I think unless it's like a first meeting thing, it's best to go on like a nighttime date, it secures interest, because lunch dates can come off casual and just friendly, do what you are comfortable with though.

 

That's the thing, what if I don't know where she lives or around what area? I guess I could ask that when we first talk. Like, how do you get to campus? I'll definitely tell her where I come from and how I get there, etc. Something along those lines. If I don't come around to it and it doesn't feel natural, then I'll just set up a lunch date or an evening date that we can both get to, say, after class. But yes, I love meeting halfway.

 

The thing is, if she does have to travel a bit and catch public transport, would that turn her off a little?

 

I prefer night time dates over lunch dates but, yeah, it's just if it's sort of a first meeting thing. I mean, I would definitely consider night time dates as well. I just think it is more intimate and I'll be a bit more dressed up for night time. One thing is I would not want to think that it is too casual and that I just want to be friends. I don't think I will be comfortable with a dinner, unless it's casual-like, with someone I've just met. I mean it's okay once in a while but, yeah, there is just something about it.

 

I'll stick with what's comfortable! Thanks!

[Leia]

It depends on the girl but personally, for me I don't mind any type of date if I am really interested in getting to know the guy

[counterman]

It depends on the girl but personally, for me I don't mind any type of date if I am really interested in getting to know the guy

 

Yep, I agree with that. I can't picture a girl who would think "nope! not going on a date with him, it's lunch not a fancy dinner" but there would be some I guess. Hope I don't pick out those girls! If I do, there aren't worth me effort anyways.

[Calendula]

If I have the first date in mind, i.e. the place, date and time, do I offer to give her a lift or just meet up at the destination? Or, say go together from an area on campus (if the date is near or on campus)?

 

Personally, I think meeting up at the place is fine or walking together is fine. However, I have read that some guys give lifts, not necessarily on the first date though.

 

I am thinking lunch dates are okay too, right? I have had them before and they went fine.

 

Any other advice would be most welcomed!

 

 

For me, different types of date locations are associated with different degrees of familiarity and comfort. In addition, I prefer to start more casual, open-ended dates, and gradually progress to more serious/formal, time-committed dates. I also prefer to take myself to the place of the date until I get to know the person, if only for safety reasons (I'm a single female who lives alone with few neighbors).

 

Offering Transportation

You can always offer to give the girl a ride, but remember that whenever you offer to pick a girl up at her home, you are basically asking her where she lives. Don't push the issue if she says that she would prefer to meet you there. Personally, I'm not comfortable with a stranger, even one I may be interested in, knowing where I live or being my sole source of transportation. Once a woman gets in a man's car, she is trusting him with her safety and her life, as that guy could drive her anywhere (to dinner or elsewhere) and may or may not be a responsible driver (car accidents, etc). Until I know someone and at least start to trust them, I ALWAYS prefer to meet at the predetermined location.

 

First Dates - Coffee Shop/ Informal

Personally, I prefer a first date with someone I just met or otherwise don't know all that well to be at a coffee shop or similar public location. Going for coffee puts you in a casual atmosphere where talking is encouraged, and allows you an open-ended amount of time to spend with the person. If you decide you really don't like them or are uncomfortable, than you're not committed to sticking around until your food comes or you both finish eating. In addition, you can avoid the awkward silences that sometimes come associated with eating during first-time meetings. At a coffee shop, if things aren't going well, you can end it at any time, with any of a variety of excuses. By the same token, if you hit it off really well, then there won't be a waitress hovering over you and pushing you to end your conversation because they need the table. You can sit and talk for hours and no one will care because you've already purchased your coffee. From the college student perspective, a coffee shop is also a cheep date; coffee costs a lot less than lunch or dinner.

 

Second Dates - Lunch

For a second date, I like to do lunch dates. Slightly less casual than the coffee shop atmosphere, but also less formal than the dinner environment. You also know going into the date that at the end of lunch you will both be going your separate ways. You haven't got to wonder who will go home with who, or if there will be a parting kiss, removing some of the potentially awkward romantic pressure that can come with these things.

 

If you again get along well at lunch, than the pre-determined ending time of a lunch date gives you an excuse to set up another date so that you can 'continue your conversation'. Whether the next date could be lunch or dinner should be determined by discussion before the end of the second date, and a tentative time and place may even be decided upon. If you're not sure which would be best, than just ask the girl which she would prefer: "So, do you want to do lunch or dinner next time?" If you just ask it like this, you are assuming that she will want to do one or the other, and that there will be a next time, and you're not directly giving her a chance to say no, thereby improving your chances of getting a third date.

 

Third Date - Lunch/ Dinner

Dinner, in my mind, would be the next step up for relationship dating. By the time I agree to a dinner date, I've spent enough time talking with the person that I feel comfortable spending more time with them in a more romantic and personal setting. I also am willing to spend more money to spend quality time with them (cost of dinner). I may even be comfortable cooking them dinner at my home or going to there place to have them make me dinner.

 

Having a dinner date with someone also puts you in the window of time appropriate for possibly 'spending the night together', or at least kissing before you part ways. Unless things are just going exceptionally well, I usually prefer at least one or two dinner dates before I'm comfortable with the idea of ending up at the guys apartment (if its even an option).

 

Who Pays

As a woman, I know that lots of guys think they're supposed to pay, but until I know I'll be seeing the guy on a regular basis, I ALWAYS prefer to split the check and pay for what I ordered. The times I'm ok with the man paying are when I know he'll let me pick up the bill the next time we eat out. I therefore won't let my date pay for my meal until I'm sure that there will be at least several next times.

 

A tip for guys: when the woman wants to split the check, don't argue with her or insist on paying. Also, if she doesn't bring it up first, establish how you're going to pay for a meal BEFORE you order. If you want to pay for dinner but aren't sure what she wants to do, try asking the following: "Would you be ok with me buying you lunch/dinner, or did you want to split the check?" Even if she does want to split the bill, she will most likely appreciate your offer. DONT ASSUME she'll want the same thing you do, and DON'T try and trick or coerce her into letting you buy her lunch. If you do so, she may think that you are trying to make her feel obligated to you. This is a form of manipulation and rarely has a good outcome for the long term.

 

Plan for the Next Date before the one you are on ends

Whenever possible, I would suggest trying to make plans in person for the next meeting time and place. You can always call the person to let them know if the plan needs to change, to make additional plans, or to cancel and reschedule. If the person you are interested in isn't at least willing to put something tentative down for next time, and goes for the "I'll call you" line without committing to anything, then they probably aren't all that interested in seeing you again and don't have the guts to tell you directly. Plans can always be changed, so I've never considered "I'm not really sure when my schedule will be open next, so why don't I call you when I know" to be an acceptable excuse for not even trying to plan something. In my book, that kind of line really means: "I'm not all that interested in making time for you so you probably won't be seeing me again."

 

TALK

There are all sorts of variants to the sequence described above (Coffee shop - Lunch - Dinner), and all sorts of ways that two people can end up together in the same place at a time appropriate for intimate things to happen (making out or beyond). I've found that the key to keeping it going in a healthy direction is to make sure you ask questions to get your date's opinion about what they want to do, and not to assume certain outcomes. Everyone is different and you just have to play the scene as it comes.

 

Above all, make sure that you openly TALK about things. My general rule for lots of things having to do with relationships is that if you can't talk about it, than it either IS or WILL BECOME a problem. While there are certain things to be said for spontaneity, personally I feel that if I can't talk about, for example, making out with someone or possibly even having sex with them (and all the potential issues that go along with these things), then I'm probably not ready to and might regret my actions after the fact.

 

In most cases when dating someone new, the best thing to do is just be yourself and talk about anything you are unsure of with the other person. Dating is a time when you're getting to know each other, and when and how you do this is as individual as you are. There is therefore NEVER a right or wrong way to do something, and what works for one person or couple, won't always work for another. Whenever you're unsure about something, the best thing to do is simply ask the person you're with. As long as you do your best to be considerate of your date's feelings and opinions, any date should go fine, regardless of whether there is a romantic or long term outcome.