Freebirdz Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 2 days ago my long time girlfriend broke up with me, I still cant believe it even after writing this. I still dont understand but she says she wanted to be more independent and doesnt want to hold me back (she wants to move to Florida, while I was never the bigest fan of moving down there, I said I would) This all came out of left field, we havent had any big fights in a while, we just got back from an amazing vacation together (only 3 weeks ago). And we have been going out for almost 3 years, enough time where I have changed so much of my life around her. The real kicker? The same day she broke up with me (over the phone no less) about 30 minutes before I had just put a down payment on an engagement ring. I dont know what to do, I havent called her yet but I still check her facebook non-stop (she has yet to change her "relationship status, why?) Just looking for any advice or anything, im broken right now
jerrytodd Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I am recovering too - two weeks, one day. I think if you look around here the No Contact rule is the dominant advice. Tougher for me since I work with her. I was dead when I was two days out - no eating and sleeping. I am way better now. I feel for you very much. Take care of your health, get sleep and even take or get a sleeping pill or pills if you need to for as short a term as possible. Your world will feel better. There is hope - it is called time. I look at this like I am recovering from an operation. It was a necessary evil to create something better in the end.
LostInLimbo Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I wouldn't analize the FB to much, it will drive you nuts, as for the ring, thats unfortunate and can feel what you must be going through, as much as I hate to say it, its now a waiting game, not to say wait around, but she left and you should respect her wishes, she knows how to contact you, if she needs to.. The hardest part now is if you wanna heal, go NC to LC, but by the sounds of it, you want to try and work things out, in which case, get everything off your chest, via email , face to face if you can but don't push anything, (some may disagree), but it will eat at you if you don't, you do that and you now have left it in her court.. Best of luck, take care LiL
duece22022 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Sorry to hear about your situation. The best advice i can give you is to go no contact. Don't call her and try to work things out. She wants the break or breakup. trying to get her back will push her farther away. and make you look desperate. I made all these mistakes after i got dumped. It is going to be very hard for a while. Talk to freinds and family. You need to vent. Just don't contact her. my ex left up "in a relationship" up even about 2 weeks after the breakup. It means nothing. She will eventually take your pictures off too. Don't let this bother you. I would say stay off of FB, but you probably won't. its ok, but it will only bring more pain. I wish someone told me right after i broke up to go NC. You will only look pathetic if you make contact. You are not in a coherent emotional mindset to talk to her yet.
Author Freebirdz Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 thanks for your comments back. Ive decided to listen to my friends and your guys advice, and not contact her in anyway, for at least 2-3 weeks. And i took her off my facebook, I would delete the whole damn thing but its the only way I keep in contact with some long distant friends. I got a few things at my house (not much a few pictures and her class ring) and in 3 weeks i plan on giving her the stuff back. Dont know if I want to do it at her job or her house yet. I figure this will end in either a number of ways -After having no contact with her for 3 weeks and seeing me out of nowhere, mabey she will realize how much she misses me. (I know this might sound desperate or pathetic) -Get some closer on the relationship, our last meeting ended abruptly and I was still in complete shock, I would like to talk to her after she has some time to sit down and think about everything. -Blow up in my face and Ill end up begging to be let back in. Idk really
duece22022 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 trust me. you will have a very strong urge to contact her in the near near future. Just DONT! You will feel fine one moment and then really crapy the next. That is normal right now. you are in the toughest part of it. She will probably call you to check up on you. Remember she is doing this out of pity. She dumped you. She does not want you right now. give her space. If she wanted you she wouldn't of done this. Let her have a chance to see what she is throwing away. I know this is hard to swallow but start trying to move on. It is extremely healthy for you as an individual. Good luck. It gets better I promise.
Author Freebirdz Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 trust me. you will have a very strong urge to contact her in the near near future. Just DONT! You will feel fine one moment and then really crapy the next. You speak the truth. Ill be all fine, happy almost, then my mind will wonder and it will go to her, then its like a punch in the gut. I deleted her off my facebook, just to break the temptation, I hope she dosent take it as a personal attack or something.
duece22022 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 dont worry how she feels. think about yourself right now. you deserve to be selfish. You're on the emotional roller coaster. Stay strong. You'll get through this.
Author Freebirdz Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Just an update, its been 6 days and NC is still in effect. But it seems she is pulling NC on me too. Its a really odd feeling, we were a couple that would talk to eachother atleast twice a day. Now neither of us have any idea what the other is doing. Is it good that she is doing NC?
name witheld Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Yeah, she is doing you a favour. Mine kept getting back in touch and I thought we were doing LC and things would work out. They didn't. Why? Its simple, same reason she left in the first place. Feelings, or lack of. Thats why you can't just win her back. She has to have the feelings to allow her to come back. So anything else is just pity and is extending your healing time. Its exactly the same as giving a junking heroin when he is trying to go cold turkey. Nice eh?
adamt Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 (edited) stay NC, allow you to get your emotions under better control. at the moment your head will be all over the place and any contact with your ex wil make things worse. use time as your friend to heal you and to see if your ex begins to miss you. if the ex is going to come back it had to come from within themselves without any pressure. Its going to be along process to heal. i still have tough days and she is in my thoughts alot and we broke up 8 months ago. just keep yourself as busy as possible. i used to love jsut relaxing and chilling out now I hate it and have to be busy to stop my mind wandering. Edited February 8, 2010 by adamt
duece22022 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 when you feel the overwhelming urge to contact her, don't. Just take a walk outside and relax. call a friend that knows what your going through and vent. its still early and this is normal.
Author Freebirdz Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 well i might of "broke" NC by calling her mom, or at least some peoples interpritation of it. Let me explain, me and her mom were really close (mabey cause i never had a real "mom" around) and she has called every so often to check in im okay. I Know i can trust her, she is looking out for both our best interests and wouldnt tell her daughter anything I said. She says that my ex is going back and forth, some days she misses me and wants me back, other days she says shes getting over me. The stinker is that she is useing me not contacting her as an excuse that Im alright with everything and fine with the breakup. Her mom says I should talk to her before V-day, but to take things slow
duece22022 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 i guess u have the inside info with the mom. but she broke up with you. that means a part of her does not want you anymore right now. No matter what the mom will look out for her daughter first. i think she is just relaying messages back and forth. your ex wants to know that you will always be there for her. Don't give her this she does not deserve it. Give her the space she initially wanted. She has to figure things out on her own. I think she probably wont want you if she know she can treat you like this and you will keep coming back. Go NC and stop talking to mom. let her suffer though V-day without u. sorry for being so harsh, i know you still love her and it hurts to hear this. but it is good advice. you are very fragile right now
Recommended Posts