Sazzy Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I've been with my boyfriend for just over 18 months. I'm feeling so frustrated at the moment because for the past 18 months i've paid for most things, if we go out for dinner i pay, if we do anything i pay. Maybe times have changed but i was raised to think that the male at least paid for dinner. My bf has a well paying job but has been struggling a bit with bills and i understand that and i'll pay for things without a problem. But this morning the thing that made me seriously wonder about the future of our relationship is that the struggling with money is only valid when it suits him. He just joined a punters club where he pays money each week although he's struggling. It just seems that he's only broke when he wants to be. I'm sick of paying for everything it feels like i'm raising a child. Has anyone had this happen? how do i deal with this?
Trialbyfire Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 The easiest way out, is to stop paying for everything.
alphamale Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 how do i deal with this? you dump his skin-flint ass
calizaggy Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Women are now equal, whats the problem? Most men still pay for most things, so why shouldn't some wome too?
Enema Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Does seem like a no brainer - stop paying for everything yourself. If you go out and he doesn't pay his half - go out to dinner without him until he pays you back. Make it clear you expect him to pay his share from now on.
alphamale Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Make it clear you expect him to pay his share from now on. after 1.5 years in this pattern he is not going to change
TouchedByViolet Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Tell him to pay 1/2 the time and if he doesn't chances are he never will so leave!!!!
Crazy Magnet Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I've dated men who expected me to pay for everything, including the rent and the utilities.....while I'm all for equality in dating, the key word in that is EQUALITY. Try alternating. You pay, then he pays. But make it clear to him that this is the new pattern. More than likely though you'll get sucked dry as I did.
You'reasian Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I've been with my boyfriend for just over 18 months. I'm feeling so frustrated at the moment because for the past 18 months i've paid for most things, if we go out for dinner i pay, if we do anything i pay. Maybe times have changed but i was raised to think that the male at least paid for dinner. My bf has a well paying job but has been struggling a bit with bills and i understand that and i'll pay for things without a problem. But this morning the thing that made me seriously wonder about the future of our relationship is that the struggling with money is only valid when it suits him. He just joined a punters club where he pays money each week although he's struggling. It just seems that he's only broke when he wants to be. I'm sick of paying for everything it feels like i'm raising a child. Has anyone had this happen? how do i deal with this? Punter's club? I'm unfamiliar with this. Tell him to start paying for half. Its that simple. Lemme guess, you're going to post more and more about how this has made you feel up to this point...
alphamale Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Try alternating. You pay, then he pays. But make it clear to him that this is the new pattern.. he is with her partially cause she's paying for everything. once she forces him to start paying it'll change the dynamics of the relationship and he'll probably split
Trialbyfire Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I wouldn't create a public scene by dropping it on him while you're out. The next time you're discussing what to do, just tell him that he'll have to pay for his own portion, since you've decided to become more financially responsible. If he balks, then make him choose the restaurant, event, thing to do, that he can afford to pay for. If he continues balking, dump him.
Author Sazzy Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 (edited) I do understand in things being equal today but i still do expect if i'm asked out to dinner i'm not the one paying. I'm not a tight arse and always prefer to pay my own way and don't mind paying half the time, it is after all a partnership, still he won't pay for anything and that isn't equal. I am 23 and he is 28. I have tried talking to him about it but he chooses to tell me that he can't afford to, but he can afford to do things when it suits him. Edited February 3, 2010 by Sazzy
Dark-Farmer Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Circumstance can change alot, even with money. You said he is struggling with bills and what not, now even if he spends some money on himself that doesn't make that untrue. What are you guys living status's? Live alone, with parents or buying a house? Why i say circumstance can change alot is take two (hypothetical) situations. 1- he is living on is own, buying a house paying bills on time, but budgeting himself to do so and in the said budget there isn't alot of room to eat out and what not. and say you live with your parents, paying little or no rent and have plenlty or a large majority of your money is spending money and you could easily afford eating out alot. Then yeah it shouldn't bother you to pay more than not. 2- you both live on you own and both pay bills and earn and have about the same amount of spending money. then yeah he's a cheapo and should man up. So what are you guys living status's?
Ashkayi Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Stop paying.. If he wants to go out he should be ready to pay also. I am engaged to a man who is the absolute definition of lazy. He does nothing for me and his excuse is, we share a bank account and id see how much money he spent on me, and i told him, so what, at least i wouldnt know what it is.. He could buy me a candy bar and write i love you on it.. But he has an excuse for why he cant do that either...
stillafool Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I do understand in things being equal today but i still do expect if i'm asked out to dinner i'm not the one paying. I'm not a tight arse and always prefer to pay my own way and don't mind paying half the time, it is after all a partnership, still he won't pay for anything and that isn't equal. I am 23 and he is 28. I have tried talking to him about it but he chooses to tell me that he can't afford to, but he can afford to do things when it suits him. Find another boyfriend.
EM47 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 If I have more money than the girl I am seeing or dating (and I usually do [hidden brag, lol]), I won't expect her to pay for half but at the very least, pay sometimes and most importantly, offer to pay sometimes. The girls who I have seen 2x and I have paid both times, with the expectation I am paying the 2nd time without even offering to pay are the ones I will tend to avoid. As I said, I don't mind paying for most things but she has to offer to pay and pay sometimes else I won't stick around.
counterman Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 He is very selective with what he spends his money on. I think it's called selective spending. Some of my friends are like that. One friend in particular will not be willing spend money on food when we go out. He would rather head home and eat. He will not spend money on available drinks at a service station if he could get water from a tap somewhere. It's just the way he is. In your situation, I would have thought that he would at least pay sometimes. If this rubs you the wrong way, maybe he isn't the guy for you.
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