Fay Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 So I'm one of those people who feels strong passions, and in the past I got involved with people who were the same way. I guess because compatible levels of passion mean less likelihood that the dude will pop up one day and say, "I'm sorry, I just don't feel as strongly for you as you do for me." But that much passion in a relationship leads to chaos in my experience. My marriage was always on fire, for better or worse. We went through hell and high water for each other and ended up at each other's throats. So this time around I decided if I just took it easy, found myself a "steady", "stable" man, things could go slower and last longer, with less chaos and more harmony. Guess what happened. "I'm sorry, I just don't feel as strongly for you as you do for me." What's the tradeoff, do you think? What should a person like me do? Go for the firebrands and find love, or keep getting dumped trying to date ice-cold Mr. Robotto's? It seems I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I was born this way and I've tried so hard to change myself, but never make any headway.
Ms. Joolie Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Don't let your past experience dictate who you are, or who you are going to be. You can look back and what worked, what didn't, but every day is a new day. Do what YOU want. Who are you? What are you putting into your dating life or into a relationship? Don't think of yourself as either a passionate man or Mr. Roboto. You are a unique human being capable of expressing himself uniquely. Just be yourself, just be free. ......... I say this because damn it all if I'm going to listen to some authority tell me what I should/shouldn't do in my life. I'm going to do as I need to do, do what I want to do.... I'm going to do what works for me. There are just no rules anymore, no guidelines, no norm.... so screw it all and have fun. lol. no pun intended. ........ I'm kinda edgy today. The thought that is on my mind of course is my relationship. SOooo frustrating thinking about it. I just want to live for the present, without worrying, without overthinking. THIS IS MY LIFE AND I'M GOING TO LIVE IT. Exactly as I see fit.
Author Fay Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 THIS IS MY LIFE AND I'M GOING TO LIVE IT. Exactly as I see fit. THANK YOU! That's the best thing I've heard from anyone all day!! BTW, you misread my post. I'm a female. The guy who just dumped me is the Mr. Robotto. To whom I say, "Domo arigato." This is my life and he just set me free. Now I can LIVE - experience everything there is to be seen. I may or may not feel the same tomorrow, or even later on today. Shizzle is a rollercoaster since the bomb got dropped on me. But yes. I'm going with your sentiment.
carhill Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 A compatible man with a similar personality and emotional setpoint will, inclusive of attraction, give you a necessarily different result IMO. I'm finding, in the dating process, that I'm more clearly identifying women who are incompatible in this way; women without passion/caring/empathy. I'm clearly seeing the signs that were so oblivious to me a decade ago prior to getting married. They say we learn from our mistakes. I certainly hope so
Trialbyfire Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 What is passion to you Fay? Is it the strong rollercoaster of emotions, that's driven by unnecessary drama, where the lows are so low, when juxtaposed against the highs, the highs are incomparable or is it the incomparable connection and desire between two people who love each other deeply, who fit together so well, that they don't bitterly fight?
carhill Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 That's a really good question to ponder, OP; what is passion to you? I'm feeling pretty passionate about the pizza I'm making right now. I got some more paperwork for the divorce done, hugged the cat and am feeling quite well. No other humans are required. Your thread caused me to ponder the passion with the lady I'm dating right now, reflecting upon our interactions. Do I sense her passion for the time we spend together, or in myself? Like TBF said, 'fit'. Tell us about your passion.
alphamale Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Go for the firebrands and find love, or keep getting dumped trying to date ice-cold Mr. Robotto's? stick with the firebrands
Author Fay Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 Tell us about your passion. Passion is when you occasionally feel an overwhelming desire to scoop up your girlfriend and twirl her around, then make out wildly with her. Passion is periodically looking deeply into your boyfriend's eyes and telling him, "I am so in love with you. My life would not be the same without you. I never want to let you go. I'll go to the ends of the earth with you." Passion is running through a flower field in springtime until you're both out of breath, then collapsing in the grass in each other's arms giggling like schoolchildren. Passion is the sudden urge to ravage each other in the back of an empty movie theater. I've had all that before, but it comes with the corresponding lows. Of course I don't like the lows and would avoid them if I could, but it seems that everyone capable of the aforementioned things also comes with an equally forceful dark side. That's life, I guess. Passion is a lot of things, and you'll have to forgive my having grown up on Disney princess movies.
Trialbyfire Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 You know you can have positive passion, without most of the lows, right? People have the ability to love deeply while still controlling the negative monster inside them. Allowing the negative monster to come out, is self-indulgent, and not conducive to a viable relationship.
counterman Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I have to say, Fay, I can relate to that sort of passion that you define. All of that, for me, embodies the the word passion, in the context of dating. However, I would say that I rarely, if ever, show too strong of emotions if my partner does not feel the same way. It just doesn't work. I agree with TBF. There doesn't have to be the lows when it comes to passion.
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