greatgirlfriend Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I am not the perfect person but I have high morals. When I first start dating guys (or before we are going to sleep together) I ask their opinion on out of wedlock pregnancy. I'm not interested in getting pregnant, but it's always a possibility. I won't date guys who got women pregnant and forced them to have abortion. I also won't date guys who have stated they'd leave the woman, as well as guys who have kids out of wedlock. The correct answer to me? when a guy says he'll marry the woman. This is the answer that I feel is the most moral. This is why it's essential not to have sex until you know what will happen. There are way too many babies being born to single women and guess who pays for them? We are in a moral decline because of this. Incidentally, I once got kicked out of a singles group because I told them I'd never consider dating a guy with kids who never married the mother. Ladies, respect yourself enough not to sleep with these guys who'd leave you while pregnant. You honestly don't know for several months what these guys would do. All these guys here who state they'd dump you if you don't sleep with them on the third date are exactly these types. They won't marry you and you'll be stuck with a baby or having an abortion.
Bejita463 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 guys who got women pregnant and forced them to have abortion. I'd be wary of catching the ever vicious Falcon Punch as well, were I a female. However, as that is the only way I am aware abortion can be FORCED, I am somewhat stuck on this statement.
laRubiaBonita Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 isn't the Moralest of All ABSTINENCE? then you do not have to go through all the interrogatories.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 They don't technically force them to have abortions, but state that they'll pay for an abortion but not for children. Yes, abstinence is the best, which is why I wait until it's a serious relationship. All people should do that because we have way too many out of wedlock kids. I actually feel guys that have a history of getting women pregnant that we pay for should be required to be sterlized. I know this comes off as super moral, but I've seen women who had these situations. I know women who have kids but the dad is long gone (and they can't find him). I know others who had abortions who feel bad (I am prochoice but don't like when women are pushed into this). Sex should be more sacred.
Bejita463 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 They don't technically force them to have abortions, but state that they'll pay for an abortion but not for children That is not their choice to make.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 But many disappear and never pay for child support. I know many guys like them. We end up paying for these scumballs, which is why I believe they should be sterilized.
laRubiaBonita Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I actually feel guys that have a history of getting women pregnant that we pay for should be required to be sterlized. as should the women who do the same to men
Trialbyfire Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Deadbeat fathers can legally have their wages garnisheed. But why would any woman want to have sex with a man who they have to force to responsible fatherhood? Just find someone with similar moral beliefs before entering into a sexual relationship. I don't believe that everyone should do this, since it's their life and their choice, as long as the woman is willing to accept that she's fully responsible for indulging without sufficient verification, can't be bothered to verify or is in fear of losing the guy.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Yes women like that should also be sterilized. I know there are women like that as well, but more men.
carhill Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 OP, I think if you pursue potentials through your religious avenues, most of what you're concerned with here is pretty moot. They'll have similar values and morals as you. At 39, you're a mature lady and know what you want. You also know that there are many paths and your (or my) path doesn't require others approval or compliance, nor does theirs require ours. I would suggest re-thinking your preference of dating never-married men. At your age, finding one with matching morals, who is attractive to and compatible with you is going to be problematical. To reverse the genders, back when I was your age, never married and having similar beliefs, I dated women who had children out of wedlock; some were a mess and others were fine, upstanding, moral women who were good mothers and members of society. As with most things in life, one action (birthing out of wedlock) does not a life determine. Good luck in your search
paddington bear Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 To answer your question, I would date guys who've gotten women pregnant out of wedlock. It can happen to anyone, male or female, no contraceptive is 100%. I don't think it shows any inherent flaw in the man in question if he has a child with an ex and is not married to that ex. A man who has fathered children by numerous woman is another matter and not one I'd go near. I think you are confusing dead-beat dads with ordinary guys who happen to find out that the girl they're seeing is pregnant. Ideally, yes, we'd all be madly in love with the person when this happens, but life doesn't work this way. Marrying the girl in question might seem to be the right thing to do, but what of the girl? What if she realises that they are grossly incompatible, doesn't want to marry the father of the child and that they would be better off living separate lives, while both raise the kid? How would you feel if you held out for the commitment of a guy, felt like you loved him and he you, then over time realised that you were grossly incompatible and could not live happy lives together? And then you realised you were pregnant? So what now? You as a woman have to marry the totally wrong guy because you got pregnant? What kind of 'happy' married life is that showing to the child? I know it's nice to make up all sorts of rules and boundaries for ourselves to make this thing called life fit neatly into a box that we've created, but life is messy and you can't always control it. My own dad left my mother and paid nothing towards me, but that still wouldn't prohibit me from dating a guy who had a fathered a child out of wedlock and was no longer with the mother of the child. Each case is individual. Can't tar everyone with the same moralistic brush.
SOLACEMENT Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 To answer your question, I would date guys who've gotten women pregnant out of wedlock. It can happen to anyone, male or female, no contraceptive is 100%. I don't think it shows any inherent flaw in the man in question if he has a child with an ex and is not married to that ex. A man who has fathered children by numerous woman is another matter and not one I'd go near. I think you are confusing dead-beat dads with ordinary guys who happen to find out that the girl they're seeing is pregnant. Ideally, yes, we'd all be madly in love with the person when this happens, but life doesn't work this way. Marrying the girl in question might seem to be the right thing to do, but what of the girl? What if she realises that they are grossly incompatible, doesn't want to marry the father of the child and that they would be better off living separate lives, while both raise the kid? How would you feel if you held out for the commitment of a guy, felt like you loved him and he you, then over time realised that you were grossly incompatible and could not live happy lives together? And then you realised you were pregnant? So what now? You as a woman have to marry the totally wrong guy because you got pregnant? What kind of 'happy' married life is that showing to the child? I know it's nice to make up all sorts of rules and boundaries for ourselves to make this thing called life fit neatly into a box that we've created, but life is messy and you can't always control it. My own dad left my mother and paid nothing towards me, but that still wouldn't prohibit me from dating a guy who had a fathered a child out of wedlock and was no longer with the mother of the child. Each case is individual. Can't tar everyone with the same moralistic brush. I really like your veiws on things...just wanted to say that .. :-)
Stung Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I am not the perfect person but I have high morals. When I first start dating guys (or before we are going to sleep together) I ask their opinion on out of wedlock pregnancy. I'm not interested in getting pregnant, but it's always a possibility. I won't date guys who got women pregnant and forced them to have abortion. I also won't date guys who have stated they'd leave the woman, as well as guys who have kids out of wedlock. The correct answer to me? when a guy says he'll marry the woman. This is the answer that I feel is the most moral. This is why it's essential not to have sex until you know what will happen. There are way too many babies being born to single women and guess who pays for them? We are in a moral decline because of this. Incidentally, I once got kicked out of a singles group because I told them I'd never consider dating a guy with kids who never married the mother. Ladies, respect yourself enough not to sleep with these guys who'd leave you while pregnant. You honestly don't know for several months what these guys would do. All these guys here who state they'd dump you if you don't sleep with them on the third date are exactly these types. They won't marry you and you'll be stuck with a baby or having an abortion. I agree that I would have never dated the kind of d-bag who would ditch a pregnant woman altogether and become a deadbeat dad, or someone who would try to somehow force me to have an abortion if I didn't want one...but I don't think there's anything wrong with having a child out of wedlock as long as the child is taken care of by both parties. Many years before we met my husband had a daughter with his girlfriend at the time. He cared about and respected her but he believes marriage is forever and he didn't want to be married to someone he didn't feel that level of love and commitment to just because their birth control method failed. They lived together until the baby was weaned and old enough to be apart from her mom a bit and then he bought a condo nearby, in a good school district. They have very amicably co-parented her ever since. My husband is more well-off financially than her mom and so he sends her child support every month, on top of this my stepdaughter lives with us three days out of every week, and usually travels with us if we go anywhere. He and his ex-gf both went on to marry other people they truly loved and wanted to commit to for life instead of ending up trapped in a marriage of obligation. I see nothing immoral about this. My husband is a good father, my stepdaughter is well-loved and well cared for by two families. She and I get along great and she loves my son, her baby brother. I love knowing how much marriage really means to my husband, that he didn't just ask me to be his wife just because it was expected of him but because he really wanted us to grow old together. My stepdaughter was in our wedding, standing right between us; she got a silver and sapphire charm bracelet right after we exchanged rings, and she ws the first to hug us both right after we kissed as husband and wife for the first time. She was nine years old and so excited she started jumping up and down like a petite lunatic. She also remembers her mother's wedding very clearly, she was almost 3 and the flower girl, it's a very happy memory for her. It is important to sound out what kind of guy you are sleeping with, for sure. You should make sure the guys is responsible and honest and on the same page as you, family-planning-wise. However, just because he doesn't want to get married doesn't mean he is a deadbeat, there is a happy medium.
Trialbyfire Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Isn't it better to have a good father, rather than someone who's forced into marriage? Doing the "right" thing, by entering marriage with someone who you don't really want to marry, can lead to serious unhappiness for everyone, including the child or children. Truthfully speaking, if my husband had been anyone other than someone who I wanted to marry, with the reverse holding true, since we were already engaged when we got pregnant, I wouldn't have married him and raised Bump on my own. But when I originally accepted his proposal, pre-pregnancy, I already knew he would make a wonderful father.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Those guys who stayed around (and have maybe one kid) aren't the ones I'm talking about really. I'm talking about those guys who have multiple babies with different women or even the guys who have multiple babies by the same woman. In the former case, these guys are scum. In the latter, they shouldn't have had another child out of wedlock. I don't care if these guys were in a long term relationship, by having many babies by the same woman tells me they don't take marriage seriously.
meerkat stew Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I wouldn't date a woman who got pregnant out of wedlock and proceeded to have the baby instead of getting an abortion, so understand completely if a woman chose not to date men who had gotten a woman pregnant out of wedlock. We all have our preferences.
New_Life08 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 They don't technically force them to have abortions, but state that they'll pay for an abortion but not for children. Yes, abstinence is the best, which is why I wait until it's a serious relationship. All people should do that because we have way too many out of wedlock kids. I actually feel guys that have a history of getting women pregnant that we pay for should be required to be sterlized. I know this comes off as super moral, but I've seen women who had these situations. I know women who have kids but the dad is long gone (and they can't find him). I know others who had abortions who feel bad (I am prochoice but don't like when women are pushed into this). Sex should be more sacred. Why do you worry yourself over such things? Just protect yourself. I don't know why you need to ask your man what he would do if you got pregnant....shouldn't you already know?
Stung Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Those guys who stayed around (and have maybe one kid) aren't the ones I'm talking about really. I'm talking about those guys who have multiple babies with different women or even the guys who have multiple babies by the same woman. In the former case, these guys are scum. In the latter, they shouldn't have had another child out of wedlock. I don't care if these guys were in a long term relationship, by having many babies by the same woman tells me they don't take marriage seriously. I'm 100% with you that guys who go around squirting out a ton of babies all over the place and taking no responsibility for it are pretty much scum and should be avoided like the plague. I mean, come on, boys: condoms and accountability. As for the guys who have multiple kids with one woman in the confines of a longterm relationship, well, that's a lot murkier. I've known situations like that where the guy was stringing the woman along with false promises of marriage, but I've known many more where the couple genuinely just did not believe in the institution of marriage and were very loving and respectful with each other and their kids; marriage is a lifestyle choice, many of my friends don't believe in marriage for many various reasons. It's true though that they didn't take marriage 'seriously', so if marriage is an end goal and important to you (and I do understand as marriage was important to me) it makes sense to avoid those men too. I just don't think it's necessarily fair to paint them all negatively as people. In any case, stick to your guns and find a guy who's lined up right for you.
You'reasian Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I am not the perfect person but I have high morals. When I first start dating guys (or before we are going to sleep together) I ask their opinion on out of wedlock pregnancy. I'm not interested in getting pregnant, but it's always a possibility. I won't date guys who got women pregnant and forced them to have abortion. I also won't date guys who have stated they'd leave the woman, as well as guys who have kids out of wedlock. The correct answer to me? when a guy says he'll marry the woman. This is the answer that I feel is the most moral. This is why it's essential not to have sex until you know what will happen. There are way too many babies being born to single women and guess who pays for them? We are in a moral decline because of this. Incidentally, I once got kicked out of a singles group because I told them I'd never consider dating a guy with kids who never married the mother. Ladies, respect yourself enough not to sleep with these guys who'd leave you while pregnant. You honestly don't know for several months what these guys would do. All these guys here who state they'd dump you if you don't sleep with them on the third date are exactly these types. They won't marry you and you'll be stuck with a baby or having an abortion. I think its important for a guy to man up, take care of a child that is his and work toward marrying the mother of his child - if they aren't married, or are going through a rough patch. Children thrive in a loving, supporting nuclear family and tend to grow up healthier.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I am not the perfect person but I have high morals. When I first start dating guys (or before we are going to sleep together) I ask their opinion on out of wedlock pregnancy. I'm not interested in getting pregnant, but it's always a possibility. I won't date guys who got women pregnant and forced them to have abortion. I also won't date guys who have stated they'd leave the woman, as well as guys who have kids out of wedlock. The correct answer to me? when a guy says he'll marry the woman. This is the answer that I feel is the most moral. This is why it's essential not to have sex until you know what will happen. There are way too many babies being born to single women and guess who pays for them? We are in a moral decline because of this. Incidentally, I once got kicked out of a singles group because I told them I'd never consider dating a guy with kids who never married the mother. Ladies, respect yourself enough not to sleep with these guys who'd leave you while pregnant. You honestly don't know for several months what these guys would do. All these guys here who state they'd dump you if you don't sleep with them on the third date are exactly these types. They won't marry you and you'll be stuck with a baby or having an abortion. Yes, because a man would never say one thing before a pregnancy and do another when it becomes reality.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 OP, I think if you pursue potentials through your religious avenues, most of what you're concerned with here is pretty moot. They'll have similar values and morals as you. At 39, you're a mature lady and know what you want. You also know that there are many paths and your (or my) path doesn't require others approval or compliance, nor does theirs require ours. I would suggest re-thinking your preference of dating never-married men. At your age, finding one with matching morals, who is attractive to and compatible with you is going to be problematical. To reverse the genders, back when I was your age, never married and having similar beliefs, I dated women who had children out of wedlock; some were a mess and others were fine, upstanding, moral women who were good mothers and members of society. As with most things in life, one action (birthing out of wedlock) does not a life determine. Good luck in your search Kuddos to Carhill!
You'reasian Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Yes, because a man would never say one thing before a pregnancy and do another when it becomes reality. Your response and your signature line being so close make you sound like a cold, heartless, vengeant type.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Your response and your signature line being so close make you sound like a cold' date=' heartless, vengeant type.[/quote'] My response is reality and if you disagree think about it some more. You don't think a guy about to have sex would tell a woman (when she stops him and asks, "What if I get pregnant?") "Oh baby, I'll marry you" when he hasn't genuinely considered that possibility? My point was directed at the naive believe that because a man says hypothetically that he would marry the woman, a woman should feel he is more worthy than a man who says "Honestly, I don't know what I would do if I got a woman pregnant." The signature line is from a song by a band called Candlebox and I think it carries a lot of truth. People hurt eachother all the time without meaning too. You know, like calling someone they know nothing about "cold, heartless, vengeant."
You'reasian Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 My response is reality and if you disagree think about it some more. You don't think a guy about to have sex would tell a woman (when she stops him and asks, "What if I get pregnant?") "Oh baby, I'll marry you" when he hasn't genuinely considered that possibility? My point was directed at the naive believe that because a man says hypothetically that he would marry the woman, a woman should feel he is more worthy than a man who says "Honestly, I don't know what I would do if I got a woman pregnant." The signature line is from a song by a band called Candlebox and I think it carries a lot of truth. People hurt eachother all the time without meaning too. You know, like calling someone they know nothing about "cold, heartless, vengeant." Ok, thanks for explaining where the quote came from. I agree, that you have to know your parnter before you decide to venture into the area of baby making - and that ideally, there should be a bond between the two and a commitment to love one another. I wasn't saying you were anything, txsilkysmoothe - you could be a wonderful woman, beautiful inside and out - I did not intend to offend. If your avatar is your picture, you're an attractive woman.
2sure Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I won't date guys who got women pregnant and forced them to have abortion. I also won't date guys who have stated they'd leave the woman... Isnt this just common sense? I dont think not dating men who are admittedly abrasive and irresponsible has as much to do with morals or values as it does common sense and self preservation. What middle aged woman shops for a guy that has a few baby mamas and feels abortion is good birth control?
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