mortensorchid Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I have noticed this trend lately that maybe someone may / may not have some insights into. Let me explain ... You meet someone. You go out, and you have a good time. The second time you get together, typically the man (who I assume asked the woman out the first time around) will call the woman and ask for second get together. After the second, assuming things went well, the man has said, to me at least, "give me a call". #3 is usually the acid test, because if the other party calls them, that indicates that the person is interested in the other. Is this always supposed to fall into the woman's hands to show interest in the third get together? And then, let's say that one does contact the other, they have a fourth get together, and then continue to see each other from there. Does that set the pace for the remainder of the relationship? I've had a few dates in the recent past where the man has called me for the first and second dates, but they kind of expect me as the woman to call for a third. Is this normal?
Bejita463 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I'd never have thought to do that. My gauge of interest is whether or not my offer to see a lady is accepted or not. If it is accepted - interest. I don't see why it needs to be more complicated than that.
meerkat stew Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I've had a few dates in the recent past where the man has called me for the first and second dates, but they kind of expect me as the woman to call for a third. Is this normal? No, it's not normal, not particularly abnormal though. I don't consider the third date an "in bed or out the door" proposition myself, but conventional chatter says it is or is supposed to be. There is no "supposed to be" in early dating other than you are supposed to be having fun doing it.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I don't believe in set rules. I've asked guys out on first dates and it went well. What really disturbs me though is how so many guys think third date=sex. Assuming the third date is a month or so after the first date, that's really not enough time to really know someone (assuming you didn't know them before you dated).
Ms. Joolie Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 (edited) I think after two good dates, in which the guy initiated the date, it would be a good idea for the woman to invite the guy out or suggest a place they could go together. Not as a rule or anything. Sometimes the guys make it clear that they like to do all the planning. In your case, if your interested, why not ask them out on a third date? Personally though, I wouldn't ask the guy out. lol. Unless I was really, really interested and had good reason to push things, I wouldn't ask him out on a third date and would wait for him to ask me. Edited February 3, 2010 by Ms. Joolie
paddington bear Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I think because we humans are obsessed with the number 3. Three is the magic number. One, two, three...RUN! In terms of the Catholic religion, there's the Holy Trinity. I can't remember which ancient race or religion, but there was the thing where you said 'I divorce thee' three times and that was that. 3 strikes and you're out. 3 little pigs and so on. My question would be why not after 4 dates, why is it 3? I've also read in so many dating guides to give a guy a chance for 3 dates and then decide, to definitely not sleep with someone until after the 3rd date. We're obsessed with 3's...especially men, many of whom seem obsessed with threesomes...
thats what i said Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I think because we humans are obsessed with the number 3. Three is the magic number. One, two, three...RUN! In terms of the Catholic religion, there's the Holy Trinity. I can't remember which ancient race or religion, but there was the thing where you said 'I divorce thee' three times and that was that. 3 strikes and you're out. 3 little pigs and so on. My question would be why not after 4 dates, why is it 3? I've also read in so many dating guides to give a guy a chance for 3 dates and then decide, to definitely not sleep with someone until after the 3rd date. We're obsessed with 3's...especially men, many of whom seem obsessed with threesomes... And then of course there's also "3rd time's the charm"...
Left in a Lurch Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 (edited) As a man, I think it is not unusual. Basically we made the effort to show interest by calling and usually planning 2 dates, our cards are on the table, you have an idea that we are interested because we pursued you twice and also indicated we were interested in a third date. But in the initial stages of dating a lot of women are probably on the fence so it is hard to gauge if they are interested or just too nice to turn us down. After the second date if the woman doesn't give a clear signal of being interested, casually telling her to call is a way to try to clear things up. If she doesn't call, she was being nice the first two times. If she does call then you figure she has at least some interest because she had a chance to get off the hook and made an effort to call. You have to remember the one that is the one doing all of the pursuing doesn't leave much room for interpretation other than they are interested. The one being pursued may say they had a great time, or let's do it again....but those are the exact same things you hear when you are being rejected so they need a way to determine if those are words of rejection or the person really means it. Seeing if the person cares enough and is interested enough in returning a simple call speaks volumes. It's just a simple way to figure out if we are wasting our time and money on someone who is either using us for a free meal or if they are too nice to turn us down. Plus, I don't personally want a woman that is too good to call me, or is not confident enough to call someone she likes, or is afraid to show interest in a guy she likes after two dates. That indicates she is a girl and not a woman. Edited February 3, 2010 by Chat Room Hero
Greenpeacer Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 ^^^ Agreed. Esp. if the guy is footing the bill. I knew a guy who bought dinner twice, Very nice places and lots of jokes. He'd say on the second date after dessert, "I want you to come home with me or I dont want to see you again". I think this is way too harsh and we had a falling out of sorts but the third call idea is cool. and a nice test. thanks.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 jeepers, I make them wait 3 months... NO getting this for free
counterman Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I like the idea of putting the call in the girl's hands when it comes to the 3rd date. However, I think I would normally ask and, if accepted, I think that would mean she is still interested.
meerkat stew Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 jeepers, I make them wait 3 months... NO getting this for free How long have you been a pro?
Recommended Posts