lillovergirl Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Its been a little over a week since the breakup and I have not contacted him at all. And the last contact that I had with him, after he had called me to explain some things, was a nasty voicemail that I left him stating that I did not wish him the best, that I wish that I had never met him and that I hope I never see him again. I also told him that he sucked and he was a prick. I'm still angry because he seems to not want to take responsibility for the mistakes he made; starting a relationship in the first place when he had all these unresolved issues, not just once but twice. Is he a terrible person, abusive or malcious or even dishonest? No. We had a good relationship all in all and I thought he could be the one... (There are a couple of threads that explain things further.) He wanted to keep in touch and still talk and I pretty much shut him down. I don't want to stay stuck in this cycle of anger and guilt and I don't want to hinder the healing process for me. Should I offer an apology for saying the nasty things that I said or leave it alone? The other problem is that I still have some unanswered questions, and the answers that I come up with are generating a lot of this anger. I'm pretty certain he would talk if I asked him to and this might possibly help me with the anger issue but I'm not sure if that is a good idea. For the most part, I feel as if I am in some control. It is just when I go back and forth between the anger and the guilt that I lose my focus and go backwards. I thought of emailing him this: I didn't mean everything that I said in the voicemail that I left you. Those words came from a place of pain and confusion. Not to say that I am not still angry but that is beside the point. Throughout my life I have made a concerted effort to bring more lightness and love into the world rather than darkness and hate. However these qualities are not so much human as they are spiritual and in the end, I am still only human.
Silver_star Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 usually i would NOT advocate any emails especially during non-contact. He probably knows u were just mad, but it can make u feel guilty (when u dont need to be) when u say something out of anger and hurt. In this case i would say send it, but nothing more. It will clear your concience. You dont hate him after all, you are just upset that things happened like they did.
ginyi1111 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 The more you ask about the breakup the more questions you will have...because you will never hear the one thing that you want which is 'I want you back, i'm sorry i made a mistake.' Just let it go...
nobmagnet Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I understand your feelings and mixed emotions but what difference would a week make in the sceam of things? I would try to take a deep breath hold on tight to the rollercoaster and wait till you are completely sure it might help. Give youself time to reflect before you send it. I waited 5 months before i had a melt down and told him what a worthless peice of cr*p he was and regretted it too but i have never appologised for it because it was all true. Give yourself time to reflect that all you said wasnt true before you apologise. And also try to work out if he deseves an appology!! Sit tight IMO. Cut yourself some slack. hugs Nobby xx
Author lillovergirl Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 I'm not beating myself up too bad about it but I also know how I am. I can be obsessive about some things some times... I'm not sure that I want him back at this point. He had a second chance with me and this time around has left me with a lot of doubt about our over all compatibility among other things. It would be hard to trust him to not do this again, reject me when he feels pressured by life and overwhelmed. I just want to move on and into a mutual relationship with someone who knows what they want. But I don't want anger and guilt to hinder that process either.
nobmagnet Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 hurt and anger can take time to recover from. You have to allow the natural process to take its way. I am sorry but there is no magic wand in affaires of the heart. Give yourself some space is all I advise. We all want to move on we really do. Not many of us are here to wallow in our own self misery we are here to share and help others and when we need advice or a damn good rant we go ahead and let it all out rather than being tempted to call the ex. As I say let your feelings rise and fall. Its normal. The rollercoaster of pain, anger, resentment, loss,fear,dispear is normal for somebody with a heart. It sucks yes. But its normal love. Nobby xxxx
Author lillovergirl Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 Though I worded it a bit differently to offer further explaination as to why I got so angry. His reply: [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Yes, the message you left hurt very bad even though I didn’t think you really meant it. Also, I did not blame you for all of this. I admitted that I just did not think I could offer what I thought you wanted. Not to say you were expecting too much. You did do a lot for me, but there were specific times that you did not and that is what I was talking about. Please do not e-mail me more if you expect me to reply because I probably will not and no I am not saying you expected me to reply this time. As I have told you before, if you want to talk just call.[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] I feel better about things now. I didn't want to be the bitch and I didn't want to hate him. I can't call him, even if I wanted to as, I deleted his numbers.
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