Need talking too....I dont want to mess up again.

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

Ok Im falling down again. I need someone to slap me around some.

 

A friend of mine committed suicide, I don't know everything, but I know like me, he was lonely. Even though he had tons of friends. he was so active and loved.

 

I don't have lots of friends and I am so lonely. The only person I want to talk to is my ex. He has been the only man in years that I have made a real connection with, I have no idea why.

 

I just feel like I have no one to talk to, I want to call him, but I cant allow that, it will only set me back....so Im typing here.

 

I know full well there is nothing anyone can do to help me, but I have to type here rather than call him. I just feel like I will always be facing the world alone.

[sunrae]

First, youre not alone you have us..

 

Second, Have you talked to a professional counseler? I know when I split from my husband of 8 years, I felt so alone and isolated. At that time I didnt know this forum exsited, so I felt supper alone, like the world was closing in on me and I couldnt breath... None of my friends could relate at that time because no one had been through a divorse or a long term break up... I finally broke down and went to talked to someone.. I realized my self esteem was broken, gone, didnt exists anymore, so I felt unattractive, ugly, and if I felt this way about me, then why would anyone else want me?

 

Please, go talk to someone. There is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself and start the healing process.

Please, dont think youre alone, it might feel that way now, but there are friends and family that love you, and would be devestated if you didnt something stupid....

[GrayClouds]

Sorry DoM when it rains it pores, don't it. That feeling of support a relationship can offer sure does linger even after you know the relationship is done. Understand feeling what your feeling is ok, embrace the emotion, give yourself permission to cry. Let it out.

 

Times like this it is important to see the progress you have made, that you have been down but seen the occasional rays of lights. It also is a call to yourself that during this period how important it is to care and be kind to yourself. To make sure your doing the laundry list of things that helps the healing process.

 

And your not alone. There is people you do know you can call on, it will not be exactly what you want but a little does go a long way. There is people on LS that you have helped my your honesty, sharing your story and giving helpful advice.

 

It may not feel like it at the moment but you are making a good deal of progress, I have seen it and I suspect you have too.

 

Hang in there.

[nobmagnet]

Lonelyness sucks. Im so sorry your going though such a dreadful time. Talk to a anyone who will listen. Just talk. You are not alone but I understand your double greiving. When i get really lonely i put music on and just jibber on LS and it really helps me. Counselling will help your greiving i am sure of that not just for your lost mate but you ex too.

 

The important thing is to understand there are people who care about you The fact many of us are far away means nothing because we are here and there is nearly always someone here manning the ship 24/7 who cares and would like to help anyway they can

 

Big hugs

 

Nobby xxx

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

Don't worry the full extent of my stupidity is to ball up and cry. I wont do anything stupid. I would not do that to my mom and my dogs love and need me....so.

 

I wish I could get real help, I do think I need it now. But I cant afford it. I cant say anything to my mom, she has been through enough. I am supposed to be the strong one, everyone comes to me when they need strength. When my dad and brother killed themselves....

 

I am smart enough to know that my friend killing himself has just reopened old wounds that will never heal.

 

I know I must fight the desire to call my ex, I know what it would do to me again if I did that. I dont know what to say...I just feel so lost this morning.

[nobmagnet]

Im sure you do my love.

 

Have you considered talking to your doctor? I am on anti depressants and i would have no idea where i would be with out them.

 

Just a thought

 

Nobby xxx

[sunrae]

Nobby, I had to take something too, just to get me over the hump... Thanks god for medication... Geez...

 

Dark,

I have tons of self help books.. I will be more than happy to share them with you.. They are needing a good home ....

 

I have poopie days to... Yesterday wasnt a great day for me.. I went home from work and pretty much crashed into my bed (before 8pm).. I was just mentally exhausted....

 

I hope your day gets better.. Big group hug...

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

Alright I have had my emotional crying fit and feel better (for what that is worth) Need to stop crying, it upsets my dogs.

 

Still upset about my friend, its such a waste. Such a waste.

 

I'm also upset why my brain keeps desiring my ex. I wish I could logically figure this out.

 

Thank you all....I still have not found anyone I can call....just have to cope.

[GrayClouds]

 

I'm also upset why my brain keeps desiring my ex. I wish I could logically figure this out.

 

.

 

Your feeling alone so your mind goes back to a point where you felt less so.

 

We you can not call LS but we are here to talk, rant and cry with you.

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

*hugs Grayclouds* thank you. You know I really feel bad about crying and venting after all these months.

 

It just does not make sense, I know that my ex is not worth the tears I have cried and he is not worth the love in my heart. Some one is...but I dont know where he is yet.

[GrayClouds]

*hugs Grayclouds* thank you. You know I really feel bad about crying and venting after all these months.

 

It just does not make sense, I know that my ex is not worth the tears I have cried and he is not worth the love in my heart. Some one is...but I dont know where he is yet.

 

You grieving for a lot of reasons. The crying and venting is good it is letting in out. Along with that you are letting go of the EX a little more. Knowing he is not here to help is acknowledging he is gone and with that you grieve a bit more. It continues until your done. SO be KIND TO YOURSELF.

[sunrae]

* You know I really feel bad about crying and venting after all these months.

 

 

You are human it's ok to cry... When I have things weighing on me I cry. Sometimes I break down, normally after a stressful day and I want to call my ex, whom I shared everything with, even after all this time. It's a cleansing thing to me and like Gray Clouds said it's a letting go thing too. I used to beat myself up about it,but everyone needs a good cry...

 

I hard a hard time with a friend of mine committing suicide. Sometimes I get so mad at him, and again I cry. But I know I have an angel watching over me to keep me safe, and in some small way that gives me a little comfort.

[sean1970]

I just feel like I have no one to talk to, I want to call him, but I cant allow that, it will only set me back....so Im typing here.

 

I know full well there is nothing anyone can do to help me, but I have to type here rather than call him. I just feel like I will always be facing the world alone.

 

I know how you feel... In the of span six months, I lost her, my Cousin to AIDS (same age as me), and the grandmother I would visit most weekends. She was the one I wanted to call so very badly when I lost them. I just ended up realizing that when she left me, she left all that I cared about too; how could I expect her to help me then?

 

I also could not bear the thought that she would reject me even in those times. That I would reach out and still get nothing from her. It was a risk I could not take; not after how far I had come.

 

I leaned on people here, my family, and a few friends.

[Dark_of_the_Moon]

Glad I have LS, I have found some nice people here to let me open up, in the worst of times....I hope I can repay the comfort someday. If only in a small way.