frndly Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 we have been married about 2 years, but my husband has been too much busy with his business. almost 24hrs, sometimes Sundays also. its been very hard for me, but i still managed somehow. i also took up some jobs and made myself busy to divert. but with his childhood frnd coming in town 5months ago, things has got really messed up. his friend is a very attractive person and he got attracted to me too, and we cant help it, though we know its wrong. we slept together a number of times, and still meeting each other. i have tried to avoid him, but the situation is really hard. my husband is a good man & his friend isn't bad also to cheat on him, i don't want to do this also and ruin my marriage. But i really cant not help myself hre.
HeyThere Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Perhaps your husband is not the right man for you. Instead of speaking up to him you’re acting out behind his back.
Jeff1962 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Tell your husband as bentnotbroken said. Your husband needs to know that his wife and best friend have betrayed him together. At least give your husband the choice to end it with you and his best friend. Some great wife and some great best friend. Not judging, just the facts.
whichwayisup Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 i don't want to do this also and ruin my marriage Then stop. What you and your H's (so called) friend are doing is DOUBLE BETRAYAL. Divorce your H, then pursue his friend. Or, end the A, come clean and tell your H so he can decide if he wants to stay married to you, give you a chance to make things right again. In the meantime, do some counselling. Figure out WHY you are having sex with your husband's friend, why you are cheating and what's broken inside of you to do this to your husband.
jenifer1972 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Any way you imagine this playing out, things are going to get very ugly. Your husband will find out and when he does he is going to be beside himself with grief and anger. You and your lover need to tell him and let him decide what he wants to do. It is not fair to him to continue this way.
Disintegration Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I would most definitely have to agree with everyones response. Cheating is a CHOICE. I understand your husband works many hours but he is supporting you, trying to make ends meet. You should have been able to communicate with him about your feelings and how you were missing him while we was working hard at making a living. You could have took some time for each other to regain that passion that you might have felt you were missing. There are a whole world of attractive people out there but it doesn't mean you have to sleep with them in order to get the attention you were lacking. Even more worse is that you are having an affair with his best friend. Not only can he not trust his bf but also his wife. You probably should have thought it over before you allowed yourself to commit adultery. I think you need to stop the affair asap, and inform your H. He has a right to know. I'm sure he isn't suspicious because he is actually trusting his W and BF. He is going to feel ultimately betrayed, and it may not end the way you want it to, but you have to come clean on your actions.
reservoirdog1 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 i don't want to do this also and ruin my marriage. A bit too late to be worrying about that, princess. The death of your marriage is now a very real possibility. I'd even put it as likely. But i really cant not help myself hre. BULLSHYT. You have control of this situation. You've always had it. You've just chosen not to exercise it. Stop thinking only about yourself. Tell your husband the truth, let him decide if he really wants to continue his marriage to a cheating wife, or a friendship with his so-called "friend", and deal with the consequences. In other words, "put on your big girl panties and own your shyt". If you have any integrity, or a smidgen of respect left for your husband, you'll be honest with him, and give him the chance to AVOID being made even more a fool by you and his "friend".
zwieback.toast Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 we have been married about 2 years, but my husband has been too much busy with his business. almost 24hrs, sometimes Sundays also. its been very hard for me, but i still managed somehow. i also took up some jobs and made myself busy to divert. but with his childhood frnd coming in town 5months ago, things has got really messed up. his friend is a very attractive person and he got attracted to me too, and we cant help it, though we know its wrong. we slept together a number of times, and still meeting each other. i have tried to avoid him, but the situation is really hard. my husband is a good man & his friend isn't bad also to cheat on him, i don't want to do this also and ruin my marriage. But i really cant not help myself hre. If you don't have kids yet, why not just get divorced from your husband and marry the friend? You need to do what makes you happiest.
Gabriele Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 you don't want to ruin your marriage???? I think your marriage is already ruined.... you cheated on your husband. He will find out. wouldn't you want to be the one who tells him, not him finding out on his own. That would add insult to injury. If you have any love/respect for him. then you have to tell him. Then he can decide if he wants a marriage with you or you with him. Gabriele
just_some_guy Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I don't think we humans have a lot of control over our feelings. We can control how we act upon those feelings. I'm in a miserable marriage right now and I'm of the mind to end it. There are lots of women I find attractive, one or two especially so. I have not slept nor attempted to sleep with any of them, despite the desire and opportunity (real or imagined) to do so. I found myself quite attracted to a woman I have known and been good friends with for years and years. The feelings really snuck up on me. But I did not sleep with her and I kept those feelings entirely to myself for a very long time, but did discuss it with her eventually as the realization that my marriage was all but dead and had been for a long time. We're not pursuing an affair, at least to my understanding of the word. Although the intolerance level is extreme on this board so even a fleeting thought of another woman is cheating to this crowd. However, you crossed that line. More than once. Put a fork in it, your marriage is toast. Doesn't matter who's fault it is. Do the respectable thing, come clean, spend some time on yourself to figure out what went wrong and how to go forward. You've already whacked your H, the pain just hasn't set in yet for him. Having the physical affair is your way of ending it. Sometimes I wonder if having an affair is an easy way to end a marriage. Rather than confront issues, working on them honestly and resolving to either end it or continue, the affair is a way of continuing to hide the real problems and avoid dealing with them.
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