Thelma Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Hi I'm new here and live in Australia. I've been reading for a few days and would like to tell my story. Found out 2 weeks ago my husband had an affair for 4 years. Found emails in delete box, which he forgot to delete. Said they were just friends, well not according to the explicit sex photos I saw. Been together 22 years, married 5. Having hard time with this, he won't talk about it at all, says she died in August 2009, he doesn't know date of her death or date of her funeral, said mother rang to tell him. Need advice and help
MySweetie'sGone Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Hi I'm new here and live in Australia. I've been reading for a few days and would like to tell my story. Found out 2 weeks ago my husband had an affair for 4 years. Found emails in delete box, which he forgot to delete. Said they were just friends, well not according to the explicit sex photos I saw. Been together 22 years, married 5. Having hard time with this, he won't talk about it at all, says she died in August 2009, he doesn't know date of her death or date of her funeral, said mother rang to tell him. Need advice and help Oh wow...that's absolutely horrible. What are the dates of the emails? Do you truly believe his story about her death? Even if she did pass away...HE has no right to play the victim. Did you notice him acting more solemn or disturbed during August of 2009. Four years is an excrutiatingly long time to hide an affair...it means he would have kept going along with it had he been able to.
GrayClouds Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 That is very difficult. And I find from what you have told that I do not really trust him. His says there friends, but we know that is not true. Hes say she died, may or may not be true. More importantly that is his response, I would think that it should be more on the order of how incredibly sorry his is and to what extent he is going to go to prove himself again. How hard he is going to work to understand what drove him to chose such disgusting behavior toward someone he claims to love. You really need to focus on your self and what you need to take care of yourself. Until he is ready to take full responsibility for his actions your relationship is in denial. Not to be cold, but it does not matter if this woman died or not, it is not about the person but his behavior. You deserve better behavior then he is giving you. As much as it hurt this is what you need to be thinking about. You most find the strength to believe it; you deserve better then this. Very sorry for your pain, please be kind to yourself.
MySweetie'sGone Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 That is very difficult. And I find from what you have told that I do not really trust him. His says there friends, but we know that is not true. Hes say she died, may or may not be true. More importantly that is his response, I would think that it should be more on the order of how incredibly sorry his is and to what extent he is going to go to prove himself again. How hard he is going to work to understand what drove him to chose such disgusting behavior toward someone he claims to love. You really need to focus on your self and what you need to take care of yourself. Until he is ready to take full responsibility for his actions your relationship is in denial. Not to be cold, but it does not matter if this woman died or not, it is not about the person but his behavior. You deserve better behavior then he is giving you. As much as it hurt this is what you need to be thinking about. You most find the strength to believe it; you deserve better then this. Very sorry for your pain, please be kind to yourself. CLEARLY it's not about whether the person died or not. HOWEVER, if the story is a lie...that would be yet another testament to the husband's formidable behavior! Yet ANOTHER reason for YOU, Thelma, to leave him behind. Greycloud's is right...it is about being kind to yourself. However, you def deserve the ENTIRE story. You don't deserve to be in the dark--like you were for the four years your husband continued his explicit affair and you don't deserve his nonchalant response. You should not have to continue living in a house with a duplicitous mate because YOU can't be sure about what happened. & you shouldn't even take our word that he's being duplicitous. We only know the bare bones of your situation. The only person that knows the truth...is YOUR HUSBAND. He needs to talk to you and you should remove yourself from that environment until he can do that.
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