moimeme Posted January 2, 2004 Posted January 2, 2004 I dropped my guard. Twice. One fellow who has been rather persistent in pursuing me asked one evening whether he could buy me dinner sometime. In a moment of weakness (specifically, I'm ashamed to say, I thought 'oboy! Dinner out!' 'cause I haven't been frequenting restaurants much of late), I agreed. Again, last evening, at the end of one of several dances I had with one fellow, he asked if we could have coffee sometime. Before my brain could engage and say 'this is a date, dummy', I agreed. Problem is, neither of these gents are fellows I'm interested in. I see both quite often at dances and practices so it's not like I haven't had time to size them up and both aren't possibles. However, I can't back out of these commitments, now (yes, I was a twit and I'll be more careful in future). So. Maybe you can help with suggestions; fellows particularly. What will put you off about a woman after your first being interested in her? Or, conversely, what will make you more interested? I don't want to act fake, but maybe if I were just not a good date, they'd both lose interest. The 'I'm not looking for anybody; I just hope to make friends' line failed utterly with one.
sarah12 Posted January 2, 2004 Posted January 2, 2004 Personally, I think that honesty works best. It has for me anyhow. If I am not interested, I will say so. A few times the guys did not believe me but that is not my fault. I was honest and as we all know, that is the best policy.
Tony T Posted January 2, 2004 Posted January 2, 2004 I would be put off instantly if I witnessed that she passed gas (farted) more often than would normally be expected for an average lady...and even more so if the odorous emissions were particularly offensive.
Author moimeme Posted January 2, 2004 Author Posted January 2, 2004 If I am not interested, I will say so. I have said that to one of them already - that I am only looking for pals. It seems a trifle presumptuous when one claims we're just being friends and the other has only asked me for coffee to give either the 'I'm not interested' bit, no? Bear in mind that these people don't just vanish never to be seen again - I still have to see them all the time. My preference would be for them to decide I'm not their cup of tea. The truly intelligent thing would have been to say no to both but since I blew that, I need plan B.
Author moimeme Posted January 2, 2004 Author Posted January 2, 2004 I would be put off instantly if I witnessed that she passed gas (farted) more often than would normally be expected for an average lady...and even more so if the odorous emissions were particularly offensive. ROTFL!!!! I think I have some cabbage around. A nice big bowl or three of cabbage soup would do the trick, I bet!
sarah12 Posted January 2, 2004 Posted January 2, 2004 It seems a trifle presumptuous when one claims we're just being friends and the other has only asked me for coffee to give either the 'I'm not interested' bit, no? Ah, I have had this problem before. And the response I get from guys is that "guys don't need more friends..they have enough." I find that the idea of being presumptuous changes with age. When I was younger, going for coffee really meant just going for coffee as platonic friends. Now though, it seems that anytime you are asked for dinner, coffee, movie, etc., it is automatically assumed to be a date. If you are worried about the presumptuousness, then wait until they bring up something and at that point be honest with them.
Author moimeme Posted January 2, 2004 Author Posted January 2, 2004 That was the plan - but 'friend' is never going to bring it up. People don't get all that braver as they age, I don't think. I may have to go with Tony's plan
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 2, 2004 Posted January 2, 2004 Bring along the latest issue of Bride's Magazine and start discussing colors, and where he'd like to have the reception. Tell him you need a head count, so he'll have to provide you with a list of his side of the family by some time next week. That ought to do it.
Curt Posted January 2, 2004 Moderators Posted January 2, 2004 I Agree with Tony's strategy. Sounds like it would do the trick...BUT Make sure that said fart measures a 7 or higher on the Richter scale. Curt
Author moimeme Posted January 2, 2004 Author Posted January 2, 2004 Make sure that said fart measures a 7 or higher on the Richter scale. Oh, heavens to Murgatroyd!! This calls for cabbage soup AND a great big Mexi bean meal! Plus, we'll have to go to a place I never want to set foot in again Now if I can manage to do it WHILE sitting beside him showing him the magazine.....
yes Posted January 2, 2004 Posted January 2, 2004 moimeme, i can SO relate. i also dance, and the dancing crowd is fairly small - everybody knows everybody, you can't just avoid seeing certain people - so you've gotta go an extra mile to make sure everything's pleasant. having said that, if i were you, i'd go out both for coffee and for dinner with these guys. pay for yourself, and act like a buddy - my way of announcing buddiness is to ask "so i saw you flirting with X, how's that going?" or smth like that - just acting very friends-like. if they say that they're after you flat out, just act surprised: "oh?? um. i didn't realize - sorry if i lead you on - i'm not looking right now". and if you don't like 'em, don't agree to further dates! i'm usually asked "so when am i gonna see you again?", to which i reply "next time i bump into you at a dance :)" - a bit rude maybe, but it gets my point across ... good luck, -yes
Author moimeme Posted January 2, 2004 Author Posted January 2, 2004 Thanks for the suggestions, yes I think I can pull off 'oblivious'
whichwayisup Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 Bring a bible with you and preach the word! Jan 2, 2004. Just wondering why you'd pull up a post from over a year ago? Just curious?
RecordProducer Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 Moi, you never know who will become your friend and perhaps hook you up with the love of your life. I suggest that you act like yourself and mention that you accepted the "dates" as friendly gestures, not classical randez-vous. If they don't appreciate your honesty, it's not your problem, is it?
guest Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 just be yourself, and they will probably leave you alone after thay get to know you. you give off an air that you are better than them anyway, and i guess the world of men are clammoring around your feet for your attention. dont worry, things will work out....but keep leading them on and getting your dinners and such instead of being straight. play your games, and you may not eventually get what you want, but you will definitely get what you deserve.
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