delnoire Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 What would you say is your emotional reaction when your child displays characteristics of the other parent? I mean like, facial gestures, the way they say certain words, hair and eye and skin color etc.... I know some children don't look very much like either parent, but most of the time there is stonger resemblence (physical or personality wise) to one parent than the other. If you don't get along with your ex, or he/she has never really been involved with the child's upbringing, what emotion does this evoke, when you see that 'less than ideal' parents genetics at work anyway? I ask because my ex for some reasons loathes me yet our daughter looks much more like me than her, and her personality is much closer to mine. (I am dark haired and olive skinned, as is my daughter, while her mother is blonde and very freckled and pale) I have wondered if my ex's continual loathing of me comes from the fact that our daughter is a constant visual reminder of me. I'm not being conceited here. I have heard many many people remark that my ex and my daughter don't even look related, much less like mother and daughter but i know that is only a very superficial observation. At first glance they probably don't look remotely related to one another, but once you are around them for a bit its easy to start to see many of the things they have in common. but anyways, getting back to my point, i guess i was just wondering if it is possible for a parent to be resentful of the other parent, whom they are not with or dislike, because of the childs strong resemblence to that said parent.
Ashkayi Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I have two step children, and it used to be hard to look at them sometimes because of the kind of relationship my fiance and his ex wife had, and what kind of childhood these kids are facing.. Both of them have mental issues and the family suspects with the fact my fiance is slightly bi polar if not completely, the oldest child is completely out of control and hes 5. He is always going from 7 am till midnight with no down time. But i love them and im grown enough to know that these children are not the parents, but children of God. And i will love them no matter what.
Trimmer Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Well, you kind of have a couple of different questions going there. The last one: is it possible for a parent to be resentful because a child resembles (and reminds one of...) the other parent? I suppose that's possible, but it seems that it would take a petty parent not to be able to get past that to nurture the love that one feels for one's child as an individual. Your first, more general question: "what is your emotional reaction when your child displays characteristics of the other parent?" My ex and I loved each other when we created our children, and we each continue to love them deeply. I consider the fact that my children get to be a mix of both of us to be a positive thing - damn, how lucky for them! - so if I see a part of my ex in how they look or what they do, I see it as a valuable element of what makes them the individuals they are today and who they will become as they grow up. I love each of them right now for exactly who they are; they wouldn't be exactly who they are without both me and their mom. I can't speak for your ex, obviously, but I would hope that she is mature enough to see -and love - your daughter as an individual.
Recommended Posts