pinkstar Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 It is my second post in the last 10 days. I am currently involved. You helped me a lot in the previous post and again I need your advice. I just want to summarize the story for those who read it for the first time. I met a guy online 11 months ago. At the beginning, it was a normal relationship, but little by little I become so attached and we kept chatting and chatting. When it got a little serious, I become worried what if he was married and got a kid. I asked him directly and indirectly and he said no. He also said he was not in a relationship with a gf, only have s* with different girls only for s* and not commitment at all. But the point is after 2-3 months, our communication time changed. We were talking only when he was at work or it was night time for him, around 1am. So I became more suspicious that there was some body living with him and he waited for her to sleep then he came online. I asked him some times to try voice chat and he said that he got a family member from abroad sleeping and he could not talk!!! I did not believe him at all. I am not in contact with him any more and he ended the relationship in its worst way. you can see my previous post in : title: real date vs long distance love http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t219178/ I spent many hours a day thinking about everything, how the things went and how our relationship grew, some times I got really mad at what he did to me, some times I miss him and want him back to my life...Last night, I searched his name over internet and found out some thing that was shocking to me and couldn't sleep after that. I found that he wrote a review in one of the website about a "Baby movement sensor pad and sound monitor" and he has written that this product is amazing for the parents. When I saw this, I felt really stupid, like an idiot...I do not want him to think how idiot I was during this time , consider him as a single guy. I was thinking about sending him an email and tell him that he was a liar and a real jerk that with a kid and a wife/gf he started a relationship, but I am not sure to contact him or not. Please advice.
Rollercoasterr Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 It might make you feel better, but in all honesty, what's done is done. You know now that there can never be a future with him. It's best to just let it go. Of course, what's best isn't always what I'd do. I would shoot him a quick email telling him that I know what a liar he is and that I hope his wife and child were well and never had to see the side of him that I did. And that's it. Short, sweet, and to the point. You know. He's going to know that you know. There's no use in sending him some huge email because what will that do? Nothing. He's married/or got a girlfriend and has a child. He's not going to be with you now. Who even knows if he'd take the time to read it anyway.
socalgurl012 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Rollercoaster is right what is done is done BUT at the same time I understand what you are going through I went through the exact same thing down to the searching the internet for him. I was younger and it was a few years ago. To kinda give you an idea without (trying not to) make it long I met him while we were in school we knew each other for like 6 months before we started dating. While we were dating I started to suspect something was up. His schedule was different, when we could talk or see each other always seemed awkward and I felt like I was a thorn in his life like he had something bigger going on (he was kinda secretive) but he just didn't share with me. He also said a few things that got me thinking about him being married/having kids. So I asked him straight up if he was married he said no. I said okay well I hope that's the truth because if it's not I will go searching for the truth (I was totally bluffing) but he responded with Don't do it, whatever you need to know I will tell you when the time is right. He tried to kiss me I backed away and walked home, he didn't come after me I knew then it was over. I then went and searched for his name and found that there was a woman relative. I started to freak out, I'm not the kind of person that would EVER date a married/committed man, I respect people and relationships even if it's not the best relationship. Anyway months passed and finally we talked again and he told me I was right and he was married and had a daughter (4 year old daughter) and that he was trying to get divorced and he was separated. He also told me he didn't want to get into a serious relationship at the moment with everything going on but later he wanted to be in a relationship with me. The shocking thing was that he kept all of this from everyone at school NO ONE had any idea and we were all shocked. In any case a few months passed I was getting ready to finish school and then I went to the cafeteria to get something to eat and that's when I saw him with this one girl. Then later I found out that they were in a relationship through myspace. I was furious. Not only had he lied again (surprise) but this girl must be in the dark too about everything. At this point I called him and told him not to speak (I wish I had done it in person but oh well) and that I had to tell him somethings. I let out every single emotion told him everything I was feeling. He denied us ever dating, his feelings for me and told me that he only cared about me as a friend and never as anything else, and that he saw me as a sister. I was even more furious I mean he had some BALLS to say that. Then he told me that yes he was in a relationship and that he never intended for us to be in a relationship. At the end of the conversation he said that he would always be there waiting as a friend if I ever needed him and I hung up. I hope I never need him. The point is I gave him back the pain he caused me in that conversation everything i wanted to say I told him him. It didn't change anything in the situation but it changed my piece of mind. I told him everything I didn't want to keep in my future. It's something I don't regret doing because I stood up for myself. So if you feel like you need to do it then do. But don't carry that baggage into your future relationships because all that pain belongs to him not you he caused it he should have it. My only regret was not telling the gf (who knows how many gf's he had) and his wife what he was doing. But mostly not telling her because she doesn't deserve that piece of you know what around her, she deserves more for herself and her daughter. I was happy I told him what I needed to tell him and gave him back every ounce of pain he caused me. And to tell you the truth I'm happy I went through that experience because it taught me a lot and now I'm very happy with a great man by side that came along only a few months after this happened, very unexpectedly but he's my love. =)
Author pinkstar Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Thanks for your advice...what you told me was worse than mine..Because u were in direct contact with him. I really do not know why some men are like this...when they are into a relationship, what are you looking for? So, you think I should write him an email? or let it go? Im really depressed, devastated...I am just happy I never saw him in reality...
Meaplus3 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Thanks for your advice...what you told me was worse than mine..Because u were in direct contact with him. I really do not know why some men are like this...when they are into a relationship, what are you looking for? So, you think I should write him an email? or let it go? Im really depressed, devastated...I am just happy I never saw him in reality... I understand your feelings here Pink.. I've encountered one myself, so I know just what you are going through. This is where cyber R's IMO are a little tough. You really just don't know who your dealing with on the other end of that key board. Sounds as if your were taken for a ride here.. and that hurts. Been there. Your best bet, leave it alone. Now that you know what you know of this guys character.. he's not worthy of your time. Forget him.. and move on. Hang in there. Mea:)
nrmommie Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 i think instead of putting your efforts into contancting him and letting him know you know what kind of a slimebucket he is (lets face it, he knows, and he doesn't care). put your efforts into learning from this relationship and growing. look at what you liked about it and use that info to guide you to the next one. look at what was not working for you and put that on your list of "not again". with every guy i meet, i learn more about myself and what i want in a relationship. and every time i get closer.... take the focus off of him and put it back on you. its time to say "next!"
Rollercoasterr Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 The most important thing to remember about this is that even if you DID send him an email, how do you know if he read it??? If he's stopped contact with you he's probably not going to read an email that you send him. And even if he did, he's more than likely not going to bother to answer back. Best to just leave it alone and move on.
Author pinkstar Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 The most important thing to remember about this is that even if you DID send him an email, how do you know if he read it??? If he's stopped contact with you he's probably not going to read an email that you send him. And even if he did, he's more than likely not going to bother to answer back. Best to just leave it alone and move on. Thanks for all your advice...I'm really suffering but I won't send him an email as you said. I know him and I am sure he will read and reply back, but the point is I can not do that any more...I do not want to enter into the life of a married/committed man with a child...not because of him, because of his family. Although it is online and it seems harmless but for me, it is cheating and no difference with real contact. I regret every second I spent with this person...I regret everything...
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