MySweetie'sGone Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Do men really never come back? I have grown to enjoy LS and my support group...However, I'm becoming increasingly discouraged? Do they ever come back? Back in December I had clear signs that my ex may have wanted to reconcile..then he pulled away again right before he went away again to school. On FB I posted a status that clearly addressed our relationship and how people allow things (i.e. relationships) to break uneccessarily. he wrote on my wall "wow awesome status" and he wasnt being facetious. He calls me twice that night (Christmas Eve) at 3 am. I missed both...I thought he was about to give me the best Christmas present ever. lol. Now he comments on my stuff randomly. If I post about my successes he congratulates me...like when we were together..all that's missing from his messages is a "baby" at the end. when he got a new phone I was one of the first people he sent the new number to ( I texted thanks and he tried to start a convo but I declined). Since we resumed contact in December I hear from him every two weeks...as if he wants to remind me of his existence. Is it possible he's just trying to get himself together so that he can give me what I need (see other posts) or has he truly moved on? DO people ever come back or should i just give up hope/faith/what have you? I'm so lost. I miss my best friend. Are success stories (when both people are honestly good people) really so few and far between?? I HATE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS!!!
LL23 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Who ended the relationship and why??? I do think men come around, it just depends on how strongly they feel about you and why you ended. He is still contacting you and talking to you...so thats a good sign...
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 He ended it. He was really stressed over school debt, he'd been sick for a while...had no job or car...and then we were long distance. I on the other hand, graduated in May, have a full-time job, car, my own place...He felt he wasnt contributing enough to the relationship and eventually it got to him (although it didn't matter to me b/c I had/have every confidence that he will be something great). He attributed it to bad timing. Right girl...wrong time...
Perhaps Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Who ended the relationship and why??? I do think men come around, it just depends on how strongly they feel about you and why you ended. He is still contacting you and talking to you...so thats a good sign... I came around. Took me a while, but I did.
Ashkayi Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Men do normally come around depending on the reasoning for the break up. If he is something that you want in your life, then you need to let him know and how this is effecting you and your life, sometimes things are meant to be, and sometimes, they arent. Good luck.
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 I came around. Took me a while, but I did. Perhaps, what made you come back? Did she back off completely? Was she your friend after the breakup? (Because I have no clue of how I should handle this). How long did it take you to come around? What were the circumstances around the breakup...did you end things with her? I really hope you come back and read this post...lol. My curiousity has been aroused!!
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Men do normally come around depending on the reasoning for the break up. If he is something that you want in your life, then you need to let him know and how this is effecting you and your life, sometimes things are meant to be, and sometimes, they arent. Good luck. Thank you for your well wishes! I'm pretty sure he knows..but I think knowing has given him an ego boost and may actually be delaying any hopes for reconciliation.
Perhaps Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Perhaps, what made you come back? Did she back off completely? Was she your friend after the breakup? (Because I have no clue of how I should handle this). How long did it take you to come around? What were the circumstances around the breakup...did you end things with her? I really hope you come back and read this post...lol. My curiousity has been aroused!! Well, I was in university and she was in high school and I couldn't handle a relationship at that point (I almost didn't get into my program). For some odd reason, I thought I'd be fine without her - so I broke it off. I cared about her a lot but I thought I needed to focus on my own life. Honestly, to this day, I still don't know what made me think that way. After the breakup, she'd call but I just wanted space. A month after the breakup, she started going out with another guy - still didn't bother me. Throughout the months, we kept LC but I was always fine. It hit me almost a year later when I dreamt about her. I know, I know, ... just a dream. But that dream literally spun my life around. For you, my best advice is to just back off and let your ex figure things through. If you have anymore questions, let me know. Best of luck
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Best of luck That sounds eerily similar to my situation! You could actually be my ex (except I graduated college and he's still in). lol. I read your other post about your situation. Under no circumstances does a person DESERVE to be intentionally hurt. So you don't deserve it either, even as the former dumper. I'm sure that when you broke up you thought you were doing what was best at the time. You didnt INTENTIONALLY hurt her (at least, I'm hoping that's not the case:) lol). Likewise, though, she may not be intentionally hurting you now. SHe may be confused by your coming back. Sometimes breakups can cause some emotional damage that's hard to recover from! She also may have just changed as a person during the time you had apart. Keep your head up! As for questions...I'm just so afraid that if I back off he'll forget about me? I have backed off considerably but I'm just not sure it's the right thing to do. But I def don't want to get stuck in the friendzone! So I guess I'll respond if he reaches out to me. Thanks for the advice!
ginyi1111 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I dunno what to say to this MSG. I was in a LDR myself and my ex broke up with me on Skype more than 2 months ago and he has been on strict NC. Not even a miserable text... So from my own experience, no, i'd say men never come back once they made the decision to breakup with you. Especially if they are not willing to work on the circumstances e.g. distance and financial stuff.
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 I dunno what to say to this MSG. I was in a LDR myself and my ex broke up with me on Skype more than 2 months ago and he has been on strict NC. Not even a miserable text... So from my own experience, no, i'd say men never come back once they made the decision to breakup with you. Especially if they are not willing to work on the circumstances e.g. distance and financial stuff. Thanks Giny! I'd believe you..except my ex ex ex came back two years later. lol. (But I didnt want him). My other ex joined the air force, went away to another country and started calling me long distance and calling me his girlfriend (didnt last after I got that phone bill though! ! lol) I think it's good that you seem to be healing so well. However, (to give you hope) I would point out that in your sitch it's only been a little over two months! At this point you shouldnt say "never." Just look at Perhaps' posts. But I guess it's best (for personal healing) not to dwell on it.
Perhaps Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I understand what you mean but getting her back made me feel like I could breathe again... I'd cried when we broke up because I couldn't see her cry. But for her to love me and take it all back and act like a *****? That really hurt. I spent pretty much all of last year being her fallback guy, trying to win her back, wallowing in guilt and regret - and she knew this and definitely abused it. Anyhow, if she has changed has a person, like you said, it still stings to know I screwed it up at one point. Haha, sorry I had to let that out... And I understand your fear of your ex forgetting you if you back off - that exact same fear had me being there for her any hour of the day she needed me. We can try or best to bring them back but ultimately, it is their decision if they want to come back or not. If your ex decides to come back, it will be ultimately his decision - so I say for now, let him be and like you said, keep your head up We're all here for ya.
kwyser Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 It is hard to say. Yes, people do reconcile and get back into a great relationship, but it is hard to do, and can cause a lot of trouble. Many times the best thing to do is move on, but that depends on you and your ex. How willing are you to fix it? How miserable are you without each other? These are questions that can be asked. If nothing is happening after a long time, it is probably time to end it and move on. It just isn't worth the heartache.
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 We can try or best to bring them back but ultimately, it is their decision if they want to come back or not. If your ex decides to come back, it will be ultimately his decision - so I say for now, let him be and like you said, keep your head up We're all here for ya. thanks so much Perhaps! This makes perfect sense. I'm just worried that he won't make the right decision! lol he kept saying he knows that he's being stupid...so if he knows now and is still making this choice...why would he come back later? (that's my reasoning at least). I can tell that you're a nice guy who truly realized his "error" (if you want to call it that) and has honestly tried to make a amends...I mean you spent an entire year trying to make it up to your ex girlfriend. There's something good in the near future for you! :-)
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 It is hard to say. Yes, people do reconcile and get back into a great relationship, but it is hard to do, and can cause a lot of trouble. Many times the best thing to do is move on, but that depends on you and your ex. How willing are you to fix it? How miserable are you without each other? These are questions that can be asked. If nothing is happening after a long time, it is probably time to end it and move on. It just isn't worth the heartache. Well, personally...I'm very willing...but at this point he is not. So there's some incongruity there. lol. I do however know that he was miserable without me...but then he pulled away again. I guess he's doing fine now...We haven't really talked recently, But We really have no idea what the other person is thinking...sometimes they don't even know themselves.
Silver_star Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 My ex came back...but it was too late. He ruined it for us not me.
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 My ex came back...but it was too late. He ruined it for us not me. What happened?
Silver_star Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 We had been together 2 years, he was my first love, but in those two years he broke up with me 4 times. The first time was after 11 months together. After i gave him a second chance after he came back to me because i love him and he did the same thing (broke up with me suddenly, because he said "i deserved more than he could give me). He continued this same pattern of breaking up with me and coming back a month or so later..Well the last time he broke up with me (3 days before christmas) i told him that i couldnt do it anymore..and not to call me (altho it killed me) and he came back anyways. Beggin, pleading, crying..sayng he loves me and he needed time away to find out. But this has all been said before. How can i be sure...how can i ever trust him again not to leave? How do i know im not just his "easy" in and hes not biding his time?? I look around at people who are happy in relationships and they know there partner would never do anything to hurt them..they trust eachother. I can never have that with him...and its his fault. he ruined it.
Perhaps Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 We had been together 2 years, he was my first love, but in those two years he broke up with me 4 times. The first time was after 11 months together. After i gave him a second chance after he came back to me because i love him and he did the same thing (broke up with me suddenly, because he said "i deserved more than he could give me). He continued this same pattern of breaking up with me and coming back a month or so later..Well the last time he broke up with me (3 days before christmas) i told him that i couldnt do it anymore..and not to call me (altho it killed me) and he came back anyways. Beggin, pleading, crying..sayng he loves me and he needed time away to find out. But this has all been said before. How can i be sure...how can i ever trust him again not to leave? How do i know im not just his "easy" in and hes not biding his time?? I look around at people who are happy in relationships and they know there partner would never do anything to hurt them..they trust eachother. I can never have that with him...and its his fault. he ruined it. Trust me when I say this: It happened for a reason. You will look back on this, smile and feel fine - no resentment, anger, sorrow.. NOTHING. The thing with emotions like love or sadness is that their irrationality blankets our logic and ability to think straight. We come to our sense over time and trust me, it feels great =D to reach a point where we go, "HA. I'm finally here!" and on that day, you will smile for No reason whatsoever. But until you get to that point, LS is here for you; I know it has been for me =) Onward we march!
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 We had been together 2 years, he was my first love, but in those two years he broke up with me 4 times. The first time was after 11 months together. After i gave him a second chance after he came back to me because i love him and he did the same thing (broke up with me suddenly, because he said "i deserved more than he could give me). He continued this same pattern of breaking up with me and coming back a month or so later..Well the last time he broke up with me (3 days before christmas) i told him that i couldnt do it anymore..and not to call me (altho it killed me) and he came back anyways. Beggin, pleading, crying..sayng he loves me and he needed time away to find out. But this has all been said before. How can i be sure...how can i ever trust him again not to leave? How do i know im not just his "easy" in and hes not biding his time?? I look around at people who are happy in relationships and they know there partner would never do anything to hurt them..they trust eachother. I can never have that with him...and its his fault. he ruined it. Yea, he's def established a pattern. I can see how this would break any hopes of trust. How long were the periods before he came back in all cases? Maybe enough time hadn't passed in between for him to actually change his thinking ie. he says he "needed time away to find out" but he probably didn't take ENOUGH time to really make a change. If you choose, I'm pretty sure you could make him work for it this time. Personally, I would like to be in the position you are in...where I get to make the decision about where our relationship goes next
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 I'm so scared that he's forgetting about me. When we first broke up I thought the same but I found out later I was on his mind...but I think this time he's just over it and NC is making it easier on him. I don't know what to do. I def CANNOT be his friend...I loved him too much...though I was going to be his WIFE. Is NC really best or will it be like "out of sight out of mind?" I know NC is for healing...but honestly I just want my hunni back. I'm healing on NC but at the same time I'm not...because my love for him was true...I still feel it in the very depths of my soul. Alicia Keys has a song called "Try sleeping with a broken heart"...listen to it...that's exactly how I feel. Almost three months on & I still wake up thinking about him. But why would he come back to ME? Why would anyone come back to ME? I feel like nothing.
Perhaps Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I'm so scared that he's forgetting about me. When we first broke up I thought the same but I found out later I was on his mind...but I think this time he's just over it and NC is making it easier on him. I don't know what to do. I def CANNOT be his friend...I loved him too much...though I was going to be his WIFE. Is NC really best or will it be like "out of sight out of mind?" I know NC is for healing...but honestly I just want my hunni back. I'm healing on NC but at the same time I'm not...because my love for him was true...I still feel it in the very depths of my soul. Alicia Keys has a song called "Try sleeping with a broken heart"...listen to it...that's exactly how I feel. Almost three months on & I still wake up thinking about him. But why would he come back to ME? Why would anyone come back to ME? I feel like nothing. Ugh, I feel for ya. But, you have to understand that the point of NC is to rebuild yourself as a person; the point isn't to make your ex miss you - this would be a secondary purpose. Think about it this way - regardless of whether he comes back or not, you need to be confident in yourself. Thinking stuff like "Why would anyone come back to ME? I feel like nothing" isn't healthy. I know it's bad but you have to be very, very strong. And I know you can do it, otherwise, I wouldn't be here telling you so Trust me, given the hindsight now, I can truly say that everything works out for the best. Whether your ex chooses to come back or not is his decision but his indecisiveness is no reason for you to hang on to certain hopes. I really do feel for you but please try to channel your emotions instead of letting them pull you down. I know what it's like (and I have listened to the song) and I just don't like thinking of anyone being in that situation. Take good care of yourself.
Gere51 Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Ugh, I feel for ya. But, you have to understand that the point of NC is to rebuild yourself as a person; the point isn't to make your ex miss you - this would be a secondary purpose. Think about it this way - regardless of whether he comes back or not, you need to be confident in yourself. Thinking stuff like "Why would anyone come back to ME? I feel like nothing" isn't healthy. I know it's bad but you have to be very, very strong. And I know you can do it, otherwise, I wouldn't be here telling you so Trust me, given the hindsight now, I can truly say that everything works out for the best. Whether your ex chooses to come back or not is his decision but his indecisiveness is no reason for you to hang on to certain hopes. I really do feel for you but please try to channel your emotions instead of letting them pull you down. I know what it's like (and I have listened to the song) and I just don't like thinking of anyone being in that situation. Take good care of yourself. I can honestly say I have not, nor will ever go back to an ex that dumped me. I think it's different in every case and I don't think it varies that much between men and women, in regard to who doesn't come back.
Beeotch Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 (edited) Do men really never come back? I have grown to enjoy LS and my support group...However, I'm becoming increasingly discouraged? Do they ever come back? Back in December I had clear signs that my ex may have wanted to reconcile..then he pulled away again right before he went away again to school. On FB I posted a status that clearly addressed our relationship and how people allow things (i.e. relationships) to break uneccessarily. he wrote on my wall "wow awesome status" and he wasnt being facetious. He calls me twice that night (Christmas Eve) at 3 am. I missed both...I thought he was about to give me the best Christmas present ever. lol. Now he comments on my stuff randomly. If I post about my successes he congratulates me...like when we were together..all that's missing from his messages is a "baby" at the end. when he got a new phone I was one of the first people he sent the new number to ( I texted thanks and he tried to start a convo but I declined). Since we resumed contact in December I hear from him every two weeks...as if he wants to remind me of his existence. Is it possible he's just trying to get himself together so that he can give me what I need (see other posts) or has he truly moved on? DO people ever come back or should i just give up hope/faith/what have you? I'm so lost. I miss my best friend. Are success stories (when both people are honestly good people) really so few and far between?? I HATE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS!!! I understand how you feel....however, my stance is more that: things happen as they should and in your best interest. I used to be worried about my ex coming back or if we would end up together down the road....do I still think of that from time to time? Yes I do...but it is not a thought I am preoccupied with anymore. I realize that it makes no sense to be anxious and worried about something I have no control over. If we are "meant to be"...we will find our way back together at the right time just like how we found our way together in the 1st place. If you think about it, it makes sense and makes your worries seem silly and counterproductive. You met your ex in a manner out of your control, you didnt think a week before, a day before or a year before it would happen but it did...and so will it be in the future. This notion helps a lot...me releasing the illusion of control...illusion since thinking and worrying about my ex coming back or us being together is really not something I can do anything about. When I let go and leave it in the hands of God/the universe....it takes a great burden off. Now it does not magically make your feelings go away or suddenly you dont care anymore, but it helps ALOT with you outlook and the anxiety. My life is my own once more and yes I do miss and think of my ex but moreso I am aware that the person for me is out there and we will find our way to each other (whether it is my ex or someone different) and what I can do now is live life, be the best I can be, go on my own journey and in due time things will fall into place. Edited February 8, 2010 by Beeotch
ginyi1111 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Urrrgh i think i have been wanting to come back to me so much but fearing of breaking NC at the same time that I had a terrible dream about it. I dreamt that I tried to call him to tell him how much I love him and want him back, but it turned out that he was already seeing someone. So they ended up laughing at how pathetic I was... Urggh! That dream is enough to make me stick to NC... Lately I have been telling myself that I wasnt 'it' for him and therefore HE is better off without me. That helps me get through the day....at times.
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