CaliGuy Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 On a side note I think the time frame for full healing, depending the length of the relationship is literally months & often years. I've found through my own personal experience that healing does not truly begin until you reach the level of "acceptance". The longer people hold on to hope for a second chance, the longer they stay in denial and subsequently delay their healing even longer. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 The longer people hold on to hope for a second chance, the longer they stay in denial and subsequently delay their healing even longer. couldnt agree more with that. i got finished 3 weeks ago since then iv moaned mivered and everything! today i just put my foot down and said right thats it. stop. ive told her not to talk to me and to go her own seperate way in life. she said well just be friends. i said no..we will be nothing. thats it its finished!. once saying that it was like a massive weight off me. i feel free again. i no lnger have to think...will she want me bak? i can just say it was good while it lasted and now i can find my mrs right in time to come! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jb89 Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 You've told her how you feel, she knows what she has to do .... Stay strong! It's gets harder before it gets easier but to pick the phone up now would bring nothing but heartache, a major setback in regards to how she thinks she can treat you, possibly falling into the friends catagory & just decreases your self esteem with further rejection. To move on &/or to possibly win a second chance the only option you have is no contact On a side note I think the time frame for full healing, depending the length of the relationship is literally months & often years. I understand, and agree with you about what picking up the phone would do. People who know her, whom I've shared every little detail with, really think she just does not understand what I'm doing, and is too stubborn to try to understand. I've told her, but she thinks that I'm ignoring her just to be a dick. It's getting so hard not to just say, look, I told you I'm not ready to be friends, I told you to respect my wishes and not talk to me, what don't you understand? I've remained NC thus far though. I am going out to dinner with an ex this Tuesday, we're on good terms, and she was the one who asked me if I wanted to, so I'll see how that goes. If nothing else, at least it'll take my mind off things for awhile. Thank you for listening to my babbling through this whole mess! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jb89 Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 Just to follow up on that, again, it's not so much that I'm just holding on because I think there's a slight chance of a second chance, it's the fact that something similar to this has happened before and our time apart ended up making us stronger, for 6 months or so at least. That's the only thing that's keeping me from saying forget it, nothing is going to happen down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 talking to the ex really does just prolong the pain. its been 3 weeks and ive only just managed to let go today. im at like 0%. where as most people wud easily be above that at the 3 week mark! ure doing fantastic though. she broke up with you and shes the one mivering! just live your life. after you have been out for this meal. your new ex will be driving herself crazy! i admire how you have done things. i wish i had done the same! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 couldnt agree more with that. i got finished 3 weeks ago since then iv moaned mivered and everything! today i just put my foot down and said right thats it. stop. ive told her not to talk to me and to go her own seperate way in life. she said well just be friends. i said no..we will be nothing. thats it its finished!. once saying that it was like a massive weight off me. i feel free again. i no lnger have to think...will she want me bak? i can just say it was good while it lasted and now i can find my mrs right in time to come! This is good. Also remember, it's not just putting your foot down but honestly, in your own heart saying: "It's over, he/she isn't coming back and I need to move on with my life." When you believe that in your heart, you will TRULY begin to heal. The gray skies will clear up and the sun will start to shine. You'll notice the opposite sex more and you'll stop checking your VM, email, FB, etc hoping for them to contact you. IMHO, and some people hate hearing this, act like they died. It makes moving on easier. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 "It's over, he/she isn't coming back and I need to move on with my life." IMHO, and some people hate hearing this, act like they died. It makes moving on easier. tbh thats probly the best bit of advice ever. in you head and heart they should no longer exist. you should mourn them and then just face the fact they aint coming back. my grandad died i dint ask him to come back. so why if you get left do you instantly think it wud work again? i came across this quote wich helped: love is like a glass once broken it can be fixed but never ever the same Link to post Share on other sites
Author jb89 Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 Well damn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jb89 Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 talking to the ex really does just prolong the pain. its been 3 weeks and ive only just managed to let go today. im at like 0%. where as most people wud easily be above that at the 3 week mark! ure doing fantastic though. she broke up with you and shes the one mivering! just live your life. after you have been out for this meal. your new ex will be driving herself crazy! i admire how you have done things. i wish i had done the same! Oops, I didn't see this post before! I keep checking back on this forum just as sort of a confidence booster, so I know that I'm doing the right thing, because I know that in my head it's right, but in my heart it's not. As for the quote about the broken glass, I wish I could fully agree with that, but we went through a whole ****storm before we even started dating, and we both agreed that it had only made us stronger when we did start dating. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 well what about this then: True love doesnt have a happy ending.True love doesnt have an ending! remember dont find love let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love coz you dont force yourself to fall- you just do! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jb89 Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 That one's a little better. In the back of my mind, I'm telling myself that she is feeling some sort of pain, and that's why she told me she needed to talk to me after 4 days of NC. Call me sadistic, but it's a little more satisfying seeing that I'm not the only one hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 she is going to miss you. no matter what she has said she sill do. what is your goal after all this? are you looking to move on? or are you trying to win her back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jb89 Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 she is going to miss you. no matter what she has said she sill do. what is your goal after all this? are you looking to move on? or are you trying to win her back? At this point I am going to continue NC and do my best to get over her. I can't believe how much I miss her, and since we've been broken up, I've realized that you really don't know what you have til you lose it. She did things that made me mad, and we were both too stubborn to work things out sometimes, but I still know how I'd fix things if it came to having the option to do that. But, for right now I'm just doing my best to heal. When I get texts from her saying "I need to talk to you" I can only assume she's just trying to get a rise out of me, as stated before. I can't pay any mind to them, and I do my best to just assume they're breadcrumbs. When I get contact from her saying she wants to talk about the relationship, maybe I'll be down to talk. Until then though, I'm healing..or at least doing my best to. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 When I get contact from her saying she wants to talk about the relationship, maybe I'll be down to talk. Until then though, I'm healing..or at least doing my best to. stil that isnt good enough surely. look you need to be in charge if she does choose to come back it should be kicking and screaming beggin you to have her. unless she says what a massive mistake shes made and she cant live without you. then its n.c. i said ive admired how you have done so well this far. dont let it all go now! fight for yourself rather than her. at the end of the day you was happy before you even knew she existed. you can be happy again im aiming for one thing now. just getting over her. i should of started 3 weeks ago but i fell for her tricks of talking and its made me worse. ive told myself it aint happening now. ive alredy arrange my week! im signing to gym tommorrow got football on tuesday goin out on wedsday with frends gym again thurs out fri and sat! these things are all fun! fun i cant have when with my ex! you have to just look at things at a different view! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 she is going to miss you. no matter what she has said she sill do. Just as a FYI, my last two LTR exes still check up on me occasionally online. If you were in a relationship, they cared about you to a certain degree. And while they may not feel you are the one, there is still an emotional connection there. Understand that caring doesn't equate to being "IN" love. They can love you and not be IN love with you. This explains the checking up, wondering how you are and such while still boinking someone else. That's why I say don't fall for the breadcrumbs. It's nice that they care, but they are no longer with you and no longer a part of your life. The sooner one accepts that and moves on, the better off they'll be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jb89 Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 Just as a FYI, my last two LTR exes still check up on me occasionally online. If you were in a relationship, they cared about you to a certain degree. And while they may not feel you are the one, there is still an emotional connection there. Understand that caring doesn't equate to being "IN" love. They can love you and not be IN love with you. This explains the checking up, wondering how you are and such while still boinking someone else. That's why I say don't fall for the breadcrumbs. It's nice that they care, but they are no longer with you and no longer a part of your life. The sooner one accepts that and moves on, the better off they'll be. I see. Like I said before, the only reason there is even an ounce of hope is because we've gone through something similar to this before. That's not to say 'oh hey, we broke up again, i know we'll get back together again' though, because surely I wouldn't be hurting if that were the case. But, I'm not falling for the breadcrumb text messages. If I get a text saying "I miss you I made a mistake can we please talk" maybe then I'll consider replying, but as for now, I'm standing my ground. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 (edited) you will get messages like that though. common ones hey hows fings? what ya up 2 at wekend? planin on meetin ny1? i miss you im sorry im confused i dont know what to fink can we talk ring me text me she could also try to make you feel jealous had a good nyt other nyt i met arealy nyc guy im happy the way fings r for me and she will pull at ure heart strings i miss doing this with you wasnt this good when we did that its a shame we cant do this again well never know what this is like all them are breadcrumbs! and even stuff like i stil love you can just be to get a reaction! you need her to be at your mercy. she has to be at your door and in your arms telling you how sorry she is and made a mistake! then it will work. if not then my friend take care of yourself as you have been doing and dont give in! Edited February 7, 2010 by sean1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jb89 Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 you will get messages like that though. common ones hey hows fings? what ya up 2 at wekend? planin on meetin ny1? i miss you im sorry im confused i dont know what to fink can we talk ring me text me she could also try to make you feel jealous had a good nyt other nyt i met arealy nyc guy im happy the way fings r for me and she will pull at ure heart strings i miss doing this with you wasnt this good when we did that its a shame we cant do this again well never know what this is like all them are breadcrumbs! and even stuff like i stil love you can just be to get a reaction! you need her to be at your mercy. she has to be at your door and in your arms telling you how sorry she is and made a mistake! then it will work. if not then my friend take care of yourself as you have been doing and dont give in! Well I haven't gotten any of those yet, I don't think she'd stoop that low as to send me texts saying what a great time she's having. While we were still friends on fb for a few days, after the breakup, she'd post about how great of a day she was having though. She flipped her **** on me and sent me 3 texts and 2 IMs when I deleted her, go figure. The only texts I've really gotten are saying "Can I call you tonight? I want to talk" and the one from the other night saying "I need to talk to you." but I didn't pay any mind to that one. She lives 6 hours away, so her coming here because she wants me back isn't exactly logical. A phone call could have the same effect though, and I haven't seen any signs of that happening thus far, so we'll see. Until then, NC NC NC NC Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 and I haven't seen any signs of that happening thus far, so we'll see. this shows some weakness. its like your expecting it to happen? cmon you have done everything right. you just need to understand its over now.accept the finish. that is what your aiming to do. move on and forget. if you aim for that and something does happen then you will feelgood. if you aim for getting her back and it dusnt. its square number one again! keep up the good work!! im going to monitor closely!! keep us updated on things! love to see how things go for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jb89 Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 this shows some weakness. its like your expecting it to happen? cmon you have done everything right. you just need to understand its over now.accept the finish. that is what your aiming to do. move on and forget. if you aim for that and something does happen then you will feelgood. if you aim for getting her back and it dusnt. its square number one again! keep up the good work!! im going to monitor closely!! keep us updated on things! love to see how things go for you! Well the only reason I'm expecting it to happen is because a very similar situation to this has happened before, where she was begging me to talk to her after she screwed up big time. I ended up being able to ignore her, and when I was going through a hard time, she was there for me, and she confessed to me how much she had cared about me, but had been holding it back. After that, we started talking more, then it led to us dating and falling in love. Weird how it happened, but that's the only reason why I'm expecting it. I know it's bad but I'm trying my best to stop thinking that there's a chance that it'll happen. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I know it's bad but I'm trying my best to stop thinking that there's a chance that it'll happen. that is what will drive you through. just because it happened before doesnt mean itl happen again. always expect the worst.because that way you are prepared and you are alreay healing. if you expect something to happen that doesnt! your back on here for 6months! posting about howmuch you fort it wud work! you have this in the bag!your doing good! keepit up and stay strong! were all here to help you and it helps us to! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jb89 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Share Posted February 8, 2010 Alright so I thought I had been doing well for awhile, but I can't help but keep asking myself "Why did she need to talk to me about the other night when I ignored her?" Sure it could have been breadcrumbs, and I'm assuming that's what it was, but I also know that girls very rarely will come out and say what's on their mind without question. This is getting so hard. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 JB.... ive followed this through with you from the start. listen my ex said to me. on a text out of nowehere. "i keep saying to myself i want to give it a go! my heart says yes!" i replied to that. and now its casued me so much more hurt. you need to have the words practically in front of you before considering rekindling. it must be like "i made amistake i am truly sorry. i want you back for good. i should of never finished you. i was stupid" unless it says that then my friend stay strong and maintain n/c did you see the 5 steps i use to get over things? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jb89 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Share Posted February 8, 2010 JB.... ive followed this through with you from the start. listen my ex said to me. on a text out of nowehere. "i keep saying to myself i want to give it a go! my heart says yes!" i replied to that. and now its casued me so much more hurt. you need to have the words practically in front of you before considering rekindling. it must be like "i made amistake i am truly sorry. i want you back for good. i should of never finished you. i was stupid" unless it says that then my friend stay strong and maintain n/c did you see the 5 steps i use to get over things? Yeah, I think did I read it. Why did that cause you hurt? It sounded like she wanted to try again? And how long did she take after the breakup to send you that? The only thing I think is different in my situation is, I know how stubborn this girl is, and the fact that both of us are so stubborn, caused for plenty of arguing. Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Why did that cause you hurt? It sounded like she wanted to try again? And how long did she take after the breakup to send you that? The only thing I think is different in my situation is, I know how stubborn this girl is, and the fact that both of us are so stubborn, caused for plenty of arguing. it caused me hurt because when i contacted her i realised that it was just a feeder. she didnt want to get back at all. she was just again boosting her own ego. she suddenly turned around and said "my head says no....and thats the smartest thing" it waslike being finished all over again! women just change their minds over and over. you have to be careful. and my ex was very stubborn where as im not. she cant let anything stay in the past which is why on saturday i told her never to contactme again and live her own life. ofc i still miss her.but when you compare your options....i have to say letting go is better for me. in your case it may be different...but you cant rely on "what if" at the end of the day you could get back together and a month in break back up. it depends on whether or not people can let things go. if you get back together you will still encounter problems. its all ammunition for another breakup. my advice would be for you to maintain no contact. IF SHE WANTS YOU. SHE WILL COME RUNNING. Link to post Share on other sites
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