Eisenhower Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I quit talking to my ex on October 4, when I found out she'd gone out of town with a new guy (we broke up back in April). She wouldn't admit to anything and straight up lied to me about it. Right before Christmas I found out exactly who it was - a guy she works with (we all work at the same company). I let her know via e-mail that I knew everything and basically called her out for being a liar. Of course, she didn't respond and I didn't expect her to - I just wanted her to know I knew the real deal. So it's been about a month and a half and I'm still in increadible pain. Going to work everyday only makes it worse. Luckily, I rarely cross paths with either, but I always see their vehicles and there's always that anxiety that I'll run into one or both. It just makes me sick. I still have nightmares. And even though we were not together when she started seeing him, being lied to and manipulated just makes me feel like I imagine it feels when you get cheated on. She's a messed up girl and I know we really were not meant to be together in the long run, but the feeling of rejection is so painful ... and having to be aware of it everyday at work is torture. I know I'd still be hurt if she had a new BF outside of work, but having him at work just makes it that much harder. I'm seriously working on trying to move to a new job, new state, but this whole thing has really scarred me. I fear for the future as far as trusting or being confident again. Just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening. Eisenhower
GrayClouds Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 . She's a messed up girl and I know we really were not meant to be together in the long run, but the feeling of rejection is so painful ... and having to be aware of it everyday at work is torture. I know I'd still be hurt if she had a new BF outside of work, but having him at work just makes it that much harder. I'm seriously working on trying to move to a new job, new state, but this whole thing has really scarred me. I fear for the future as far as trusting or being confident again. Just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening. Eisenhower E think of it this way; "She's a messed up girl" and as a messed up girl your relationship was to healthy for her to handle. She did not reject you just an unnatural environment for her; a authentic, loving place.
Template Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Hey E, I'm sorry to break this to you, but if you guys broke up in April, and she decides to spend time with this dude in October, it was perfectly your right. It was also perfectly her right not to tell you the truth about it. Obviously you still have feelings for her, and of course it hurt like hell when she wouldn't tell you the truth, but guess what, you guys aren't together anymore. She really has no obligation to consider your feelings or to be honest to you anymore, as you should have no concern for her. It sucks, I know, we all know, but the relationship is over, and you gotta look at her like you would look at a stranger, as that's really the only way to keep your sanity. Hang in there buddy, we are here for you.
Author Eisenhower Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Template, your points are valid, but it's not quite that clear cut. We broke up in April under the pretense that she just couldn't handle being in a relationship so soon on the heals of a divorce. I was heartbroken and frequently asked that she give us a fair chance when her head was right and she was ready for a relationship (we'd already been together a year and a half - we'd started seeing each other before she was officially divorced (she was seperated)). Bad idea, I know. She would never directly say yes or no, just "I don't know" or "I have to take it one day at a time." I even asked her at one point that if she did start dating someone else (even though she swore she didn't want a relationship) that she let me know so I could walk away with my pride at least. The months that followed consisted of her acting like she wanted to be friends and close but always failing to follow through on lunch plans or whatever. In late September, I even proposed we try being "friends with benefits" to eliminate the stress of a "relationship" but still have the sex, which was frankly, the best part of our relationship. She said it was something she had to think about and I left it at that. Literally the next week is when I found out she'd flown out of town with the guy in question. She straight up lied when I called her on it - made up an elaborate story and said that yes, she'd been out a couple times with one guy in particular, but didn't know if she was interested or not. All BS - that was the guy she was on the plane with. Again she declared, "I'm not ready to be in a relationship." So she lied and was attempting to manipulate me to keep me on a hook, I guess as a backup plan, like a monkey swinging from branch to branch. I knew she was capable of lying because she lied about us for the first few months we were together since she was getting a divorce, but it hurt so bad to know she'd lied to me about being with someone else. She broke my heart when she broke up with me, but to have her lying to me about a new guy while keeping me on the hook was like a knife in an already broken heart. Anyway, sorry so long, but I just wanted to clarify. I almost wonder if her trip with this guy wasn't intended to be a fling but when I found out, she was busted and then had only one branch to hang on to. If so, it serves her right. Eisenhower
GrayClouds Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 None of that matters if you are ready to focus on your healing.
Author Eisenhower Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 I agree. I'm having a hard time doing that though. I do feel like if I can get out of here and not have to walk the halls with them, see their vehicles, possibly see them, etc., I'll be a lot closer to "out of sight, out of mind." E
GrayClouds Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 (edited) I agree. I'm having a hard time doing that though. I do feel like if I can get out of here and not have to walk the halls with them, see their vehicles, possibly see them, etc., I'll be a lot closer to "out of sight, out of mind." E We all have a hard time doing it. But you do it not by looking for the reasons that makes it hard but by working hard at it. Every time you start thinking about her ask yourself what do I need. It is not about anyone but you. Edited February 3, 2010 by GrayClouds
twinklecat Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I quit talking to my ex on October 4, when I found out she'd gone out of town with a new guy (we broke up back in April). She wouldn't admit to anything and straight up lied to me about it. Right before Christmas I found out exactly who it was - a guy she works with (we all work at the same company). I let her know via e-mail that I knew everything and basically called her out for being a liar. Of course, she didn't respond and I didn't expect her to - I just wanted her to know I knew the real deal. So it's been about a month and a half and I'm still in increadible pain. Going to work everyday only makes it worse. Luckily, I rarely cross paths with either, but I always see their vehicles and there's always that anxiety that I'll run into one or both. It just makes me sick. I still have nightmares. And even though we were not together when she started seeing him, being lied to and manipulated just makes me feel like I imagine it feels when you get cheated on. She's a messed up girl and I know we really were not meant to be together in the long run, but the feeling of rejection is so painful ... and having to be aware of it everyday at work is torture. I know I'd still be hurt if she had a new BF outside of work, but having him at work just makes it that much harder. I'm seriously working on trying to move to a new job, new state, but this whole thing has really scarred me. I fear for the future as far as trusting or being confident again. Just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening. Eisenhower Hey Eisenhower, I feel ya dude. Kinda going through the same situation. Ex left me for now ex best friend. Have to work with both of them. Sometimes it's fine and I can cope with it, and other times it is absolute tourture. Been fed the same lies, nothing going on, just friends bla bla bla. I have had the added advantage of being NC with him for about 2 months. He tried to be friends and talk to me at first, but I would not entertain it. Now we just ignore each other if we see eachother about. I know that sometimes I'm the worst at this, but do whatever you can to block it out and get your mind off it. I've been ploughing myself into work. While also talking to as many people as I can, making new friends round the office. I am hoping it will get better, I'm sure it will. Hang in there, and if you ever wanna talk, I'm here. Chin up and stay strong! ~Twinkle x
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