soserious1 Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 A lot men say that watching porn is normal, healthy and good that it's just an alternate sexual tool, I can understand and accept this. What I don't understand is this, when men come bounding into the bedroom after viewing porn expecting a woman to service them to completion they get mad when the woman suggests that they just head back into the den and finish themselves off with the porn, I've had this happen more than once and the ugly, foot stomping door slamming behaviors from men were amazing. If it's valid for a man to use porn as an alternative sexual tool, why is it not also valid for a woman to say thanks but no thanks, go finish with your porn to a man?
Trialbyfire Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 soserious, I don't think this scenario can be attributed to men in general. I've never had that happen to me. Your ex is a childish, selfish headcase, who has no idea how to treat a partner with courtesy and respect.
Author soserious1 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 soserious, I don't think this scenario can be attributed to men in general. I've never had that happen to me. Your ex is a childish, selfish headcase, who has no idea how to treat a partner with courtesy and respect. I'm not just talking about my ex.. and my question is valid. If porn use is a normal, good alternative sexual tool for men, then why do they get so upset when women suggest that they use it?
Twenty-ten Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Oh wow that has never happened to me. That would be so incredibly disrespectful. If a guy I am with is going to view porn, which he will as most guys do I have no issue with that, he can do it on his own time. He can start and finish himself off. When we are together we are one another's visual aid, we start and finish with each other. Unless you will be sharing the porn experience together.
Author soserious1 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Oh wow that has never happened to me. That would be so incredibly disrespectful. If a guy I am with is going to view porn, which he will as most guys do I have no issue with that, he can do it on his own time. He can start and finish himself off. When we are together we are one another's visual aid, we start and finish with each other. Unless you will be sharing the porn experience together. I don't think it's possible for any woman to say with 100% certainty that her partner has never realized that he's out of kleenex and decided to wake his partner instead.
Jersey Shortie Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Because grown men do not have the ability to edit self control and women should stop expecting them too and cater to their every whim of fancy. Just like the girls in porn do. That's what men really want anyway.
SOLACEMENT Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 A lot men say that watching porn is normal, healthy and good that it's just an alternate sexual tool, I can understand and accept this. What I don't understand is this, when men come bounding into the bedroom after viewing porn expecting a woman to service them to completion they get mad when the woman suggests that they just head back into the den and finish themselves off with the porn, I've had this happen more than once and the ugly, foot stomping door slamming behaviors from men were amazing. If it's valid for a man to use porn as an alternative sexual tool, why is it not also valid for a woman to say thanks but no thanks, go finish with your porn to a man? And your not selfish for not having sex with him...porn is a tool not an alternative Why would one suggest for someone to go finish themselves with porn...I just don't understand. Not saying I agree with a tantrum, that is just assinine
Author soserious1 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Because grown men do not have the ability to edit self control and women should stop expecting them too and cater to their every whim of fancy. Just like the girls in porn do. That's what men really want anyway. I'm not into a wholesale bashing of either gender JS so let's please stick to my question at hand which is. If men consider that porn viewing is an entirely natural, valid alternative sexual tool that women must accept, why do men get so upset when women suggest that they go and use that tool?
Jersey Shortie Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I answered your question. I do not think men have expectations of themselves anymore to use self control. they think that a woman should be pleased if he finishes off on her after getting excited over other women in porn.
Jaytb Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 A lot men say that watching porn is normal, healthy and good that it's just an alternate sexual tool, I can understand and accept this. What I don't understand is this, when men come bounding into the bedroom after viewing porn expecting a woman to service them to completion they get mad when the woman suggests that they just head back into the den and finish themselves off with the porn, I've had this happen more than once and the ugly, foot stomping door slamming behaviors from men were amazing. If it's valid for a man to use porn as an alternative sexual tool, why is it not also valid for a woman to say thanks but no thanks, go finish with your porn to a man? your question shouldn't be guided towards men, because that guy was an immature child and not an adult male. Regardless you are perfectly valid in your thinking, if he wants pleasure from a woman then he should learn to share pleasure between two people.
torranceshipman Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 What I don't understand is this, when men come bounding into the bedroom after viewing porn expecting a woman to service them to completion they get mad when the woman suggests that they just head back into the den and finish themselves off with the porn Eugh, disgusting. Yea, a woman has every right to be mad at this. In fact sounds like a dealbreaker to me (and I couldn't care less if a guy watches porn!). It's a dealbreaker to me because it shows disrespect and seems to involve treating the girl like a piece of meat. Bleugh....the guy in this example sounds immature, unclassy and a total douche.
torranceshipman Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Because grown men do not have the ability to edit self control and women should stop expecting them too and cater to their every whim of fancy. Just like the girls in porn do. That's what men really want anyway. JS no offense but have you had really bad experiences with men? Or women, for that matter? Because my boyfriend has a lot of self control, as have many of my male friends who are really great, moral, kind, respectful people. My female friends are also generally lovely people who respect themselves and who certainly wouldnt cater to every whim or fancy of any man. It's wrong to generalize so negatively about an entire gender: we're all individuals! I can understand your opinion though, if you have had the misfortune to know quite a few bad guys.
Twenty-ten Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I don't think it's possible for any woman to say with 100% certainty that her partner has never realized that he's out of kleenex and decided to wake his partner instead. Sure something like that is not entirely quantifiable. However, I can say this: I have never been made to feel like I was the alternative to porn, porn was the alternative to our sex life, if the porn even existed. In one relationship I know for sure it did, since we lived together and we shared a computer but it never got in the way of "us". So to answer your question you would have every right, no you would be expected! , to tell him to bugger off and finish himself off. That is incredibly rude of him to expect you to "finish" him off. Who does that? I hope you got rid of that loser.
Twenty-ten Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I answered your question. I do not think men have expectations of themselves anymore to use self control. they think that a woman should be pleased if he finishes off on her after getting excited over other women in porn. Where is this even real? I am starting to think that you live in an alternate universe, given some of the responses you posted in my thread and now reading this it tells me you and I come from two very different places. Men have self control, and no decent rational respecting man would do that to a woman and not expect a boot to the head. It's either two consenting adults sharing in the experience of porn or nothing. Some relationships obviously take years of wear and tear and because of this, abuse is rampant. These same couples create abnormal intimacy patterns that were not only destructive but also exclusive to them, it is not the norm at all. Nor should people think all men behave like this because of one bad experience. If every night before my partner heads to bed he decides to punch me in the arm and though I don't like it I embrace this action of his, then it becomes my norm, "our" norm, not "the" norm. Setting boundaries can be difficult in relationships but it takes two to make or break a situation.
Author soserious1 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Sure something like that is not entirely quantifiable. However, I can say this: I have never been made to feel like I was the alternative to porn, porn was the alternative to our sex life, if the porn even existed. In one relationship I know for sure it did, since we lived together and we shared a computer but it never got in the way of "us". So to answer your question you would have every right, no you would be expected! , to tell him to bugger off and finish himself off. That is incredibly rude of him to expect you to "finish" him off. Who does that? I hope you got rid of that loser. Ever been awakened in the night by a partner with an erection? Ever come home from work to find a suddenly horny partner? You have no way of saying with 100% certainty that you weren't just a substitute for kleenex, no woman does. Again, this isn't just about men marching to the bedroom, pointing at the erections and demanding "suck it biatch" if a guy can demand that women accept porn use as a perfectly valid sexual tool, why then isn't it valid for a women to decline sex and to suggest to the man that he go surf for some porn? Why do men get so, so very enraged when it's suggested that they use this tool which they claim to love?
Twenty-ten Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Ever been awakened in the night by a partner with an erection? Ever come home from work to find a suddenly horny partner? You have no way of saying with 100% certainty that you weren't just a substitute for kleenex, no woman does. I can only go on feelings and on what I know, correct? Of what I know in my relationships and what I felt, it never felt like I was a substitute for porn therefore that is my reality. Yes to all of those questions, though the waking in the middle of the night part will more than likely result in a failed mission since I sleep like a log, but it has happened. They were not using porn in the middle of the night I am 100% sure, they were just horny. The coming home part maybe they had been jerking off to porn earlier that night who cares? That is a non issue for me. Sometimes I have been looking at porn and was feeling extremely horny when they got home and attacked them. Non-issue for me. What you described, unless I misunderstood, is a man in another room feasting on porn and coming to bed to ask me to finish him off. That is a very different thing and that has never happened to me I am 100% sure of that and on how I would react if it did happen.
boogieboy Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 if a guy can demand that women accept porn use as a perfectly valid sexual tool, why then isn't it valid for a women to decline sex and to suggest to the man that he go surf for some porn? Why do men get so, so very enraged when it's suggested that they use this tool which they claim to love? Any one who is in this situation (even if its hypothetical) has a major problem in their relationship. Its gotten this far because some attraction is lost somewhere, where the man is in a habit of turning to porn for some reason and the woman resents him for it, and has no interest in sex with him. Wouldnt you get upset if your man basically told you he isnt interested in sex with you? The porn is besides the point. If anyone is telling their SO to use porn instead of them, might as well call it quits.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 (edited) when men come bounding into the bedroom after viewing porn expecting a woman to service them to completion Oh man, I can't imagine what I would do if some man did this to me. I am just fine with porn, but I see it as a masturbation thing not a sex with another person thing. Two things that should be kept apart, and never substitute for each other IMO. I would imagine that if a man did this to me, and expected me to finish him off after getting warmed up on his own with porn I'd have to decline and I would definitely consider breaking things off. That sort of thing to me is the intention to masturbate using your body as a tool, rather than doing it as a gesture of love/bonding/lust. if a guy can demand that women accept porn use as a perfectly valid sexual tool, why then isn't it valid for a women to decline sex and to suggest to the man that he go surf for some porn? Why do men get so, so very enraged when it's suggested that they use this tool which they claim to love? I don't know that porn is a valid sexual tool, so much as it is a masturbatory one. The way I see it, if he starts beating off, and his only intent is to get himself a real live money shot - then he intends to masturbate with you, not make love to you. If the woman declines sex under these circumstances, I wouldn't blame her! I guess the guy would get angry because while beating it to porn might feel good, warm flesh might feel better when it is time for the money shot and he is angry because he won't get what he wants. Edited February 2, 2010 by LucreziaBorgia
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 What I don't understand is this, when men come bounding into the bedroom after viewing porn expecting a woman to service them to completion they get mad when the woman suggests that they just head back into the den and finish themselves off with the porn, I've had this happen more than once and the ugly, foot stomping door slamming behaviors from men were amazing. If it's valid for a man to use porn as an alternative sexual tool, why is it not also valid for a woman to say thanks but no thanks, go finish with your porn to a man? Finally, someone representing the usually-dumb female stance on porn, who has a very sensible and very logical point. You certainly do NOT owe him anything, and it really is poor behavior when a guy comes at you with such requests. Keep turning him away in those circumstances... with my blessing.
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 (edited) I have never encountered the situation in question so I don't know that to say...that's downright rude and selfish behaviour. I am 100% fine with my boyfriend watching porn...when I'm not home. And he is 100% fine with me watching porn...as long as he's not home. If we're at home together it's not necessary...end of story. As for waking up with a boner in the middle of the night...don't you ever wake up horny as hell in the middle of the night? It happens to me pretty frequently actually...maybe once a week...usually as the result of a sexy dream...and I have woken my partner up to have a little fun...and we both enjoyed ourselves. And if I come home from work and he's home (very rare) and is horny from watching porn all day...I could care less...I do the same thing when I have downtime while he's at work...and I'm glad to have a horny boyfriend when I get home cause I usually want sex! As long as he understands that it's not going to be 60 seconds of him just sticking it in and finishing off...he knows he has to start from the beginning...with foreplay and whatnot...I can't see a problem with it. So I agree with the other posters who said that while porn may be a typical habit when it comes to men, the behaviour you described is not typical of men and you are right not to tolerate it! Edited February 4, 2010 by kiss_andmakeup
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