harmfulsweetz Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 (edited) I don't have sex with a man to stop/prevent him from watching porn. To me, that's a silly reason to have sex. Jersey, the way you put it, it's like you must fulfill a man's sexual desire so that he can't watch/ or want to watch porn. It doesn't work like that. That's like saying, 'I'll have sex with my already cheating SO so that they stop cheating." Will that actually stop the cheating? No. It's just that they are now getting some on both ends! Sorry off on a tangent there. What I'm trying to say is, porn is much like anything else. Men watch it, get off to it, turn it off and it's forgotten about. They don't necessarily daydream about those women afterwards, they were merely a tool used to get them off. My opinion is: Saves me the job when I can't be bothered. You have to look at things from a different angle here, instead of thinking so negatively, porn in itself, isn't a great evil, it's how it's used that counts.If a man has a healthy sex life, and uses porn on the side, but it doesn't replace intimacy in the R, then it is perfectly fine. If a man/woman uses it regularly but it replaces intimacy in the R, then there's issues. Every person has a differing view on porn, you get some who hate it with a passion, others who love it, and others who just aren't bothered by it either way, and others who just dislike it, but don't have necessarily hatred for it. You need to find someone who thinks like you do, and each person needs to find someone who shares that view. If you're with a man who already watches porn, there's no point in trying to change him. You may as well cut your losses now, because it'll be a longstanding problem. I don't get the problem with porn, it's simply an image on a screen. Sure, it gets them off, but just because you got them off the day before, doesn't necessarily mean they can't the next. You shouldn't be the be all and end all, that's not healthy. I also don't think it's about you not being able to please them, them not being appreciative, because really, what's that got to do with porn? Most men don't think of their SO when they dig out the stash. You shouldn't be having sex with someone merely to fulfill a need so he doesn't look elsewhere, what's the point? Edited February 5, 2010 by harmfulsweetz
Lizzie60 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I haven't read the whole thread.. but to me.. porn is 'entertainment' I am sooo not threatened by porn... If a woman has a lowest sex drive than her H... what's the big deal if he deals with it himself.. instead of having huge fights over the issue.. I think insecure women make a big deal out of nothing.. A lot of women fantasize about male celebrities... do you think these women will actually meet those men... nope.. they are just that .. fantasies.. or they don't like their H because of it.. I don't think so...
samspade Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 So here is my question. What is the point in trying to please a partner that can never be pleased, satisfied or appreciative of what you offer him? It's kind of a loaded/rhetorical question. If there is an answer, the answer is that if YOU'RE dissatisfied with your partner, you walk away. Pretty simple. Believe it or not, there are men in this world who don't indulge in porn - there are even men who don't indulge in sex - despite your nonstop, sky-is-falling horsecrap about how vile and degenerate the male sex is. You'll never change the male libido; men produce 17 times the testosterone of even the horniest female. So you can sit around and complain about it until you're an old maid, or you can find a man who is compatible with you sexually. Or you can crusade against porn and other forms of free speech like a latter day Carrie Nation until your ovaries are empty and your looks are gone. Then you'll always have a built-in excuse for your bitterness.
calizaggy Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 When I am in love with a woman I never even think of porn.. Actually I am not into porn at all if i have any sort of girlfriend.
hex269 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 My guy watches porn and at first it bothered me until he explained that it had nothing to do with me or my not doing something right. We have even watched it together and it doesnt bother me a bit. I guess when your relationship has reached a certain level, things like that dont bother you because i am secure in our love for each other.
You'reasian Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 In another thread the poster Chat Room Hero made this comment: So here is my question. What is the point in trying to please a partner that can never be pleased, satisfied or appreciative of what you offer him? Alot of men request that their partners be more adventurous, dress up cutely, try new things. Even if we do these things, it would seem that that still would not be enough. It makes men seem like a bottomless vacuum there to suck any available titilation and unable to use any form of self control. I guess I don't understand what's the point in a woman even bothering to try, if the end result is the same if she does or doesn't. So many me ncomplain about their woman not giving enough sex. But even if she does, it doesn't seem like it would change the fact that no matter what you do, he is still going to want to watch, enjoy and think about other women. Why should a woman exert her energy into a man if this is the case? I'd love to see what you guys think. Sincere repsonse. Because I don't really see what the pay off is if your a woman who doesn't try or does, and either way yields the same results. Not more loyatly or satisfaction with your partner but a bottomless indulgence in porn. How many guys fit the above description and are not happy with what they have at home no matter what their partner does? I disagree with what he said. I know guys who do it alot less when they are getting it, but I'm sure there are others that don't. Women are the same way, fer cryin' out loud. You're not much different than we are LOL
meerkat stew Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 You'll never change the male libido; men produce 17 times the testosterone of even the horniest female. So you can sit around and complain about it until you're an old maid, or you can find a man who is compatible with you sexually. Or you can crusade against porn and other forms of free speech like a latter day Carrie Nation until your ovaries are empty and your looks are gone. Then you'll always have a built-in excuse for your bitterness. Work of art, and good advice.
likestolaugh Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 It's not that hard, but I suspect you'll find a way to make it complicated anyway... I love my girlfriend. However, her sex drive isn't quite as high as mine. I assume that when she has sex with me it's because she loves me, feels horny, wants to make me/her feel good, because I love her, etc, etc... there's so many reasons. I am satisfied when we have sex. However, we don't live together. Sometimes I might wake up horny. Why should I have self control? It doesn't make her acts any less appreciated. It's like watching a fun movie... it makes me feel good. I'm not going to wait for my gf to want to watch a fun movie everytime I feel like it. And as for self control, it's not like I don't have any... I don't whip it out in public or restrooms and start jerking off just because the mood strikes. You say men don't have self control, but they do. Do you want to look nice when you go out? do you? Even when your not with your bf? Does that mean you're looking to pick up men... attract attention from other men?
Sharla Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 In another thread the poster Chat Room Hero made this comment: So here is my question. What is the point in trying to please a partner that can never be pleased, satisfied or appreciative of what you offer him? Alot of men request that their partners be more adventurous, dress up cutely, try new things. Even if we do these things, it would seem that that still would not be enough. It makes men seem like a bottomless vacuum there to suck any available titilation and unable to use any form of self control. I guess I don't understand what's the point in a woman even bothering to try, if the end result is the same if she does or doesn't. So many me ncomplain about their woman not giving enough sex. But even if she does, it doesn't seem like it would change the fact that no matter what you do, he is still going to want to watch, enjoy and think about other women. Why should a woman exert her energy into a man if this is the case? I'd love to see what you guys think. Sincere repsonse. Because I don't really see what the pay off is if your a woman who doesn't try or does, and either way yields the same results. Not more loyatly or satisfaction with your partner but a bottomless indulgence in porn. How many guys fit the above description and are not happy with what they have at home no matter what their partner does? Ugh! There is nothing fundamentally wrong with a man who gets aroused by watching porn. It has nothing to do with a man, not having any self control. If anything, I would think there is something wrong with a man, who is NOT turned on by it. There is a limit with everything.... Is it reasonable? Or is it overruled solely by insecurities.
bluewolf17 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 How do you figure you didn't say anything of the kind? I responded directly to your quote and the assumption it makes that if a man likes porn it means he cannot be fulfilled by a woman so why should she try. As far as how much porn I watch, what does that have to do with anything other than to try to bait me? I have read a couple of other posts of yours and you seem to like to bait people and bash men with an apparent agenda. Whoever hurt you isn't posting on this board so no need to attack points of view coming from men on here. Ding Ding Ding!!
harmfulsweetz Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 The problem is, you are looking at porn and yourself and your relationship as a whole, when they are actually separate. A guy could have sex every day, morning, afternoon and night, and still watch porn. The point I believe Chat Room Hero was actually trying to make was that just because a man uses porn, does not mean he is sexually dissatisfied/unfulfilled with his partner, it's just men. Men have self control like women do, it's not an issue of control. Should a man control his urges because you want to be his be all and end all? If for whatever reason, you couldn't do it with him, you couldn't pleasure him, should he wait until you could? Why? Isn't that your own insecurities masking your judgment? I know you are probably going to use the age-old women get issues passed off as their insecurities argument, but it's actually true. Everything in your post says it so. A woman who is happy in herself and in her relationship, and sure of her own worth and her partner's affection for her, is generally not bothered by porn. Typically, it's the women who aren't sure of this that are bothered by it. You constantly refer to men's usage of porn as if its an affront to you, they are doing it almost deliberately to hurt you, they aren't. It's not a reflection on you, or your relationship. I'd sooner my man (when I get one) used porn and was honest and open about it, than have him use porn behind my back and lie about it because he felt he had to to appease me.
SarahRose Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Perhaps I am a strange woman, but what's the big deal about a guy watching porn? So what? Are there truly some women out there who are so insecure over a woman on a TV or a computer screen? I just don't get it. Who cares what a guy looks at when you aren't around. It's not like he's actually having sex with some other woman, he's looking at a picture! The big deal is when they get addicted to it and turn you down for sex because they want to sneak around and wank to porn instead of being with you. I never had an issue with it either until that exactly happened. Our sex life dwindled down to nothing and I thought he just had a low sex drive. Then I found all the porn on his pc. His sex drive is fine. He just prefers wanking to porn daily and has no sexual energy left for me.
harmfulsweetz Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 The big deal is when they get addicted to it and turn you down for sex because they want to sneak around and wank to porn instead of being with you. I never had an issue with it either until that exactly happened. Our sex life dwindled down to nothing and I thought he just had a low sex drive. Then I found all the porn on his pc. His sex drive is fine. He just prefers wanking to porn daily and has no sexual energy left for me. That's when porn IS a problem. When it's used in moderation, and is not a replacement for actual physical intimacy with a partner, it's healthy. But people sometimes do get addicted to it, and numb to real life sex.
Woggle Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 In many ways porn is better than a woman. If a man prefer mporn to being with a woman maybe she should take a look at why that is. Porn brings all the stimulation of sex with none of the drama that women bring.
SarahRose Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 I agree and IMO doesn't watching porn give your man more ideas of what he wants to do to you!! I know where my x got his ideas from and there were no complaints from me:p No, in my case it has made him lazy and mechanical in bed. He wants to grope me for 2 seconds and stick it in. I feel like a blow up doll. Just horrible
TheLoneSock Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Well JS, that quote is generalized and inaccurate. When I'm sexually fulfilled I have no desire to look at porn. I've been called insatiable before, but it's not like I'm a botomless pit, that's a ridiculous thought. Besides, if the girl you're with doesn't attract your attention more than porn, what are you doing with her in the first place.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 In another thread the poster Chat Room Hero made this comment: So here is my question. What is the point in trying to please a partner that can never be pleased, satisfied or appreciative of what you offer him? Alot of men request that their partners be more adventurous, dress up cutely, try new things. Even if we do these things, it would seem that that still would not be enough. It makes men seem like a bottomless vacuum there to suck any available titilation and unable to use any form of self control. I guess I don't understand what's the point in a woman even bothering to try, if the end result is the same if she does or doesn't. So many me ncomplain about their woman not giving enough sex. But even if she does, it doesn't seem like it would change the fact that no matter what you do, he is still going to want to watch, enjoy and think about other women. Why should a woman exert her energy into a man if this is the case? I'd love to see what you guys think. Sincere repsonse. Because I don't really see what the pay off is if your a woman who doesn't try or does, and either way yields the same results. Not more loyatly or satisfaction with your partner but a bottomless indulgence in porn. How many guys fit the above description and are not happy with what they have at home no matter what their partner does? Here's an 'adventure' for you: Strip down to nothing, and go in there and watch the porn with him! (you're not there to mock. You're there to listen (and then some) ) That will prove to be an adventure. (OR you could try the alternative... have a fit and then go sleep on the couch { for 8 days, 17 months, or 24 years }). As is always the case with things sexual: "It's your call"
sugar_and_spice Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 In many ways porn is better than a woman. If a man prefer mporn to being with a woman maybe she should take a look at why that is. Porn brings all the stimulation of sex with none of the drama that women bring. you really should stop attacking women in all your posts.
Woggle Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 you really should stop attacking women in all your posts. The truth is harsh but it is not attacking.
Pyro Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 The truth is harsh but it is not attacking. You are wrong. The real truth is that when a guy watches porn it may not be because the woman lacks in the sexual department. Sex addiction in BOTH men AND women are out there. I promise you that once you stop the generalizing it won't hurt to be a happy person.
fral945 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 So here is my question. What is the point in trying to please a partner that can never be pleased, satisfied or appreciative of what you offer him? Men can be pleased, satisfied, and appreciative. Just not fully satisfied. Believing that you (or any other woman) can fully satisfy a man's sexual wants and desires is an unreasonable expectation. Also, no man will stay with a woman who doesn't try to put in an effort sexually. If I (or any other man) was dating someone with the attitude or mindset you present in your post, I would run for the hills. Alot of men request that their partners be more adventurous, dress up cutely, try new things. Even if we do these things, it would seem that that still would not be enough. True. Male sexual nature is variety oriented and insatiable. It makes men seem like a bottomless vacuum there to suck any available titilation and unable to use any form of self control. Porn IS a method of self control. The other option is constantly chasing after and trying to bang every woman every which way we can think of or going to hookers that will do things that wives or girlfriends won't do(which was much more common in the good ole days). Having porn and a wife/GF willing to do certain things makes the temptation to seek out more much less. I guess I don't understand what's the point in a woman even bothering to try, if the end result is the same if she does or doesn't. So many me ncomplain about their woman not giving enough sex. But even if she does, it doesn't seem like it would change the fact that no matter what you do, he is still going to want to watch, enjoy and think about other women. Why should a woman exert her energy into a man if this is the case? See 1st response. I'd love to see what you guys think. Sincere repsonse. Because I don't really see what the pay off is if your a woman who doesn't try or does, and either way yields the same results. Not more loyatly or satisfaction with your partner but a bottomless indulgence in porn. How many guys fit the above description and are not happy with what they have at home no matter what their partner does? I'm never fully satisfied sexually by my GF and never will be. I realize that no matter who I would be dating that would be the case. I settle for a decent sex life where some of my sexual needs are met. A woman that puts in an effort sexually can yield positive results, JS. I speak from experience.
You'reasian Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Here's an 'adventure' for you: Strip down to nothing, and go in there and watch the porn with him! Now we're talkin'!!! I bet the porn would get turned off pretty quick lol
mem11363 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Rule #1 Your wife is your highest priority. She ALWAYS needs to feel like she is the hottest woman in the world for you. Gawking at other women in front of your wife is toxic - the toxic effect may be delayed - but it is very real. Rule #2 Your wife ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS has right of first refusal to your body. If she wants you - she gets you. Watching porn instead of pleasing your wife is a type of infidelity. Rule #3 For a high drive man with a much lower drive woman - porn CAN BE - a good overflow valve. Be discreet about watching it - but don't lie if she asks. And tell her that you would ALWAYS rather have the real thing then watch porn (if that is a lie I feel sorry for you) Rule #4 If your wife has a real issue with porn - see if you can agree to a minimum amount of sex that you can BOTH live with. If you can't - I think you are fully entitled to make sure your physical needs are being met in a way that has zero risk of emotional involvement, zero risk of disease. If you follow rules 1 through 3 AND your wife is not willing to meet your minimum needs AND she is so insecure she can't handle you watching other women - then that is on her. In our case - I haven't watched for years - age and some medications have dropped my drive so that it is close to hers. So she gets ALL my energy. But when we were younger, I really think she saw it as a necessary evil so she just ignored it.
You'reasian Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Ladies, it doesn't help if you turn your man down. Sometimes its necessary if you're tired etc. but if it becomes a repeating issue, some guys can and will turn to the porn.
TheLoneSock Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Ladies' date=' it doesn't help if you turn your man down. Sometimes its necessary if you're tired etc. but if it becomes a repeating issue, some guys can and will turn to the porn.[/quote'] If that's the case, why not just turn to another woman. If the girl is consistently not putting out, it's time to find a new girl, because that's no relationship.
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