XKatieX Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 (edited) About a week ago me and my ex got into a big fight, I ignored him because I didn't want to fight and he told me that he's going out on a date with someone. Keep in mind he has lied to me before about being with someone, during these times I was hysterically upset but he told me the truth shortly after he lied about it. This time was different, I haven't seen him around at all, and he hasn't contacted me. Leading me to believe he was telling the truth this time. But I was just thinking of writing to him offering friendship, if not..I'm not going to get all bent out over it. I know that in a year or two things could be a lot better between us. But in the mean time I would much rather have him in my life than not at all, because of our long history together. I fully accept that things aren't working between us right now, between his new job and the distance. When he told me he was going out with someone, I wasn't nearly upset as I was the first couple of times he told me. So I know if he's with someone else, and doesn't want friendship..I will be dissapointed and sad yes, but I think I can handle it. He may respond to the email saying he doesn't want friendship, and that he is indeed with someone else. Or he might not respond at all, I'm aware of both of these things. What do you guys think? Edited February 2, 2010 by XKatieX
GrayClouds Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Let me be the first of a long chores of NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo's First understand trying to be his "friend" will jsut hold you back from healing. For most it just reopens the wound with every contact. Second why do you want this person in your life? Yes you have along history, but he does not respect it or you. He is willing to lie to you to make you feel bad. A friend does not do that to another friend much less someone who claims to love you. If he did not lie what real feelings did he have for you to replace you after only a week? Either way this is not a quality person. You may be able to handle it but why should you, you deserve better then what this guy gives you.
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I have to agree with Grayclouds, listen to him, he is a smart one! I wanted the same as you, I foolishly thought that I could still have limited contact with my ex. Thought it would be nice to still be able to have him to talk to, since I really missed the connections we had and those conversations that I dont seem to be able to have with anyone else. But, all it did was set me back, open old wounds and cause me pain I did not need. So 'No', I dont think it is a good idea.
Author XKatieX Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 (edited) Thanks Dark and Gray, you did give good points. To answer your question GC as to why i want to be friends is I think we would for now be better off as friends, we aren't fighting we actually have a good time together and we used to be really good friends before we started a relationship. Every time we broke up, it was the friendship that we missed the most. Our relationship fell apart drastically since the last time we broke up for a month, the distance really got the best of us,he got a new job and I couldn't see or talk to him much which made things worse. I wanted to keep in touch with him IF and only if he thought sometime during the future there would be a chance for us. In a year or two, we would be able to be together and no longer be long distance. But I know him, and I know if he is with someone he won't want to be friends with me period, because he will feel like he is cheating on that person. So Idk I will just have to let things be for now, I wish I could just talk to him one and one and him give me some sorta of insight or closure. Edited February 2, 2010 by XKatieX
GrayClouds Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I wish I could just talk to him one and one and him give me some sorta of insight or closure. There will not be closure by talking to him. Any question you ask, will not lead to an answer but to one more question, which will not lead to an answer but to another question. And insight only happens with hindsight, after you have some distance. Even then the insight you will get will be into yourself, your behaviors and issue you need to work on. You will make new friends, quite likely ones who do not try to hurt you or lie to you for what ever their reasons.
Author XKatieX Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Yeah I would only like to know if he's seeing someone, so I will at least be able to move forward. I also forgot to mention that when we were fighting, it was about the age difference between us (really stupid, and long story) but anyway..I told him if the age difference bothered him, find someone else. Then thats when I ignored him, and he told me that i got my "wish" The thing is a couple of weeks before, he said the exact same thing to me just in a different way. But did I ask someone out? Nope I did not.
GrayClouds Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Katie you keep missing the point. Your moving forwaed has NOTHING to do with him, what he is doing, or who he is doing. The statement Yeah I would only like to know if he's seeing someone, so I will at least be able to move forward. says he has control over you, your healing and your happiness. Why give him any power? Read the following and start focusing on YOU: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance?
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