BG1985 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 If you REALLY want to be friends with a girl, then that's cool. However I don't see the purpose in it. Once again it looks as though she has no interest in being friends with you. In the event she does get into a relationship with another guy, you're out of the picture anyway. Most girls who are "friends" with their ex drop them when a new relationship forms. This would be a friendship with strict conditions already set.
zwieback.toast Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 (edited) BG, again I know what you are trying to say, but I don't see any reason why we SHOULDN'T be friends. We have a lot in common. And if she doesn't want to see me romantically, then I don't really care. Because as of now, I pretty much lost all feelings for her. Because my friend came over today, and shed some light on who she is. I took what she did to me to heart because I thought she wasn't going to just lead me on. But she did that to my friend. And now, I am not really upset about it at all. That's who she is, and I can't change that. She doesn't want any relationships with anyone. So, why not be friends? I don't have feelings for her, and cannot develop them anymore. Because I now know who she is, and that for me gave me enough incentive to not want her. I mean, sexually, yes. But not in any other way. Does this make sense to you? Because I know exactly what you are telling me, but for some reason, I had a similar experience with a girl just like her, and now, we are great friends. And I could see us being great friends down the road, just not right now. Yup we always want to be invited to join the club that doesn't want us as a member a la Groucho. Or he didn't want to belong to any club that would have him as a member, or something. Edited February 5, 2010 by zwieback.toast Messed up the Grouchoism.
zwieback.toast Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I am finally over my ex boyfriend. And have decided to be celibate in my 20s. After a while (2 years or so) might try casual sex, not that I'm looking forward to that but, my options are limited. Not interested in trying to 'play the game' and 'see what happens'. Dating makes me sad at this point. O.K. What's the over/under on this?
aroll32 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 If you REALLY want to be friends with a girl, then that's cool. However I don't see the purpose in it. Once again it looks as though she has no interest in being friends with you. In the event she does get into a relationship with another guy, you're out of the picture anyway. Most girls who are "friends" with their ex drop them when a new relationship forms. This would be a friendship with strict conditions already set. Yeah, but it's good I don't have feelings for her anymore. So thats why I think I could be friends, even if she had another guy with her. But the thing is, there won't be a boyfriend for her. I'm pretty sure she has sworn off relationships for the time being. And the point in being friends is still having her as a good friend. Because I think she's really cool and everything. It's just like having a guy as a friend for me, just because I don't have those feelings anymore. Well, at least for now. But if I do, I will not even come close to her. But we will see what happens
BG1985 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Trust me, if this girl were truly into a guy, she'd be his girlfriend if he asked her out. Do you think she would turn down Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, or basically whichever male celebrity she likes the most? This girl is simply not that into you. Have you seen or spoken to this girl since you had your little falling out? If not, how do you know you're over her?
Author SilkRose Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 No harm in taking the time to properly heal and getting to know "You" again. In many ways, once you take the focus off "being in a relationship" life becomes much simplier. Focus on you, do what you love and the rest usually just falls into place. Given your physical description, I suspect when you're ready to rejoin the market, you won't be waiting long. Good luck! LOL! Thanks for the encouragement!
Author SilkRose Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 Actually, being celibate wont be good for you because you associate that with the avoidance of hurt, which keeps a connection to heartbreak, and will keep you from fully moving on. Think about that one. I think you made some valid points except this one. I don't want to sleep with lots of guys, all my friend know thise, my ex knew it, its how I am. I don't want STDs or a baby that I can't take care of properly (as I'm pursuing my goals and I'm not married) so celibacy is my ONLY choice right now. And sex changes everything, so I can't have sex with friends because that will totally ruin the friendship...I know that from experience. And it would make me emotionally confused. As much and I would like a loving relationship, trying to get one causes me so much pain that it seems as if I'll have to have moderate amounts of one night stands later down the road. Just have sex and never speak to the guy again... Sad but true?
Author SilkRose Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 O.K. What's the over/under on this? I can be celibate, have done it before, usually after this kind of heartbreak, dissapointment, a terrible date and due to lack of choice...when there only seem to be losers (lazy, disrespectful men of low character) and sleezy guys...I just shut down completely. Although my ex is by far the worst in terms of emotional pain. Anyway, if I could have sex without emotion, seems like it would make my life easier. I could have some pleasure without being let down by someone. Also Mr Wonderful has invited me to this birthday party next week, not sure if I should go. NB: My understanding of Over/Under...had to look it up. lol! : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Over-under
zwieback.toast Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I can be celibate, have done it before, usually after this kind of heartbreak, dissapointment, a terrible date and due to lack of choice...when there only seem to be losers (lazy, disrespectful men of low character) and sleezy guys...I just shut down completely. Although my ex is by far the worst in terms of emotional pain. Anyway, if I could have sex without emotion, seems like it would make my life easier. I could have some pleasure without being let down by someone. Also Mr Wonderful has invited me to this birthday party next week, not sure if I should go. NB: My understanding of Over/Under...had to look it up. lol! : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Over-under Go. See what happens. Don't tell him about your celibacy pledge.
aroll32 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Trust me, if this girl were truly into a guy, she'd be his girlfriend if he asked her out. Do you think she would turn down Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, or basically whichever male celebrity she likes the most? This girl is simply not that into you. Have you seen or spoken to this girl since you had your little falling out? If not, how do you know you're over her? Yes, I talked to her a couple days after. I haven't seen her yet, but I might this weekend, so I will let you know. I think I am over her, but then again, I don't know. Because with her, I don't know anything. But I still think that I don't have strong feelings anymore, just because of what she did. But I guess I will find out sooner or later right?
BG1985 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Well I guess if you never actually had a relationship with this girl, it's different from my situation. I had thought I was over my ex until I ran into her when I came back into town for a football game. It really screwed with me being around her even though I had though I was over her.
Satisfaction Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 I have a bag of toys However I understand what you mean, there are many ways to experience pleasure. And I am reading books about sexual pleasure, in men and women...studying for the time when I'm not celibate. Haven't socialised much lately, due to my heartache, but I'm slowly getting back into actually having fun with my friends and not spending so much time (way too much time) thinking about him. Wasn't sure if anyone would reply. Thanks for that advice and encouragement! no worries You will be over him sooner than you realise. all the best to you.
Author SilkRose Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 no worries You will be over him sooner than you realise. all the best to you. The sad thing is that I know that my ex and I we will never be friends now. I don't trust him with my heart at all. And I'll find it even harder to even date anyone.
Author SilkRose Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Decided not to go to the party Mr Wonderful invited me to, he's make a cool friend so maybe we can have that in the future. Think I'll just take the best from this whole celibacy situation and focus on my life and being their from friends and family. aroll32 - Hope things are going well for you! You sound like a nice guy which is a big compliment!
aroll32 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 thanks, but it's not going any better than before haha. I still haven't recieved contact from the girl and it's been around 2 weeks. I don't really care anymore, it's just my feelings are still there and I wish they weren't Every time I see her name it makes me upset, especially if someone mentions her. Oh well though, I am sure it will get better in time. Thank god I didn't see her this weekend though, probably would have ruined the awesome night on Sunday in New Orleans.
Author SilkRose Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 thanks, but it's not going any better than before haha. I still haven't recieved contact from the girl and it's been around 2 weeks. I don't really care anymore, it's just my feelings are still there and I wish they weren't Every time I see her name it makes me upset, especially if someone mentions her. Oh well though, I am sure it will get better in time. Thank god I didn't see her this weekend though, probably would have ruined the awesome night on Sunday in New Orleans. I agree, I think that your feelings will go in time and at least you had a good weekend.
Author SilkRose Posted March 22, 2010 Author Posted March 22, 2010 After all the heartache and the highs and lows of letting my ex go, my perspective has changed. I'm no longer commited to celibacy in the way I was before. I'll just make choice as and when - keeping condoms in my handbag incase I need them. I don't need to define my life or my sexual choices based on a guy, esp not my ex. I love him, he doesn't appreciate me, that's how things are, but there are so many other men and so much more to life than being made to feel miserable by one sad situation ie. the relationship we had. I just know that I shouldn't have sex with him in particular, other than that, I have plenty of options. Sex, no sex, lots of sex, whatever I want to do, I can do. I am in my 20s, work hard, study and get attention from men all the time so why should I stay home or be made to feel like I'm worthless? I have finally realised that I shouldn't. And even if I was in my 30s, 40s, 50s I would still be someone who has value, who should be treated well, someone who should enjoy life. I'm just moving on and looking forward to the summer. Good Times are ahead. Good Luck everyone!
Recommended Posts