Viking Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Hey everybody, its been a while since I've been here, but I've been dating this girl since late August. Only thing is she doesn't want to be too involved in the relationship for whatever reason. I've known her for a while (met her when I was dating my ex three years ago), but never acted on it. Fast forward a while to August. I bump into her at a karaoke bar and bump into her on her b-day and she invited me to her party, but I was going out of town. She and her at-the-time bf were not getting along well. I come back into town and bump into her again and she gives me her number and tells me she's moving to a new apartment. I didn't really think much of it but she texted me a few days later and wants to hang out etc. We end up going for a walk with my dog and she spills her guts to me about the problems she's having with her bf and she says that they're over and that she was waiting till he was back in town to tell him. We ended up going to a night club and I was drunk and I kissed her, but she kissed back and it went from there. However, here I find myself in February with a girlfriend who it seems she doesn't want to invest herself too much into our relationship. I'm planning on going to Germany to teach English and she wants to go to China to study there. I understand the hesitancy, but she is just so busy sometimes that I feel like I'm a side burner item despite her telling me that she really likes me. I am not going to use "love" because I told my last gf I loved her when I didn't. Any advice on how I can bring her around to being my gf with the title of gf and not freaking her out? She said her last bf pushed for the official title and I don't want to be pushy, but I also don't want to be in limbo. Thanks for any advice.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Why is the title so important when you guys are looking at being VERY long-distance, soon? (Just curious) What do you feel you will get with the title that you don't have now? (I'm being genuine with this question. Focus on whatever it is that you feel is missing and address THAT. IMO - it's not about the title. ) I personally say just give it time. If she's not ready for the title, then trying to push it in any way is not going to help matters.
SilkRose Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Why don't you talk to her about it? Find out why she doesn't want to invest in the relationship. Maybe she sees it as something casual or temporary...? Not to sound mean but who knows, only she does. Also, does she want to carry on with the relationship while you are in Germany and she is in China? If so that's a big commitment. Is that what she wants? Is that what you want? These are just suggestions. Communication seems to be the only thing that will answer your questions.
SilkRose Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Why don't you talk to her about it? Find out why she doesn't want to invest in the relationship. Maybe she sees it as something casual or temporary...? Not to sound mean but who knows, only she does. Also, does she want to carry on with the relationship while you are in Germany and she is in China? If so that's a big commitment. Is that what she wants? Is that what you want? These are just suggestions. Communication seems to be the only thing that will answer your questions.
O'Malley Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 She said her last bf pushed for the official title Don't overlook history repeating itself. You've discussed the 'girlfriend' thing and she isn't interested. She has to want it. here I find myself in February with a girlfriend who it seems she doesn't want to invest herself too much into our relationship You have the answer to your own question. Unfortunately she simply doesn't want the commitment that you need. From her perspective, it's understandable, because her focus lays elsewhere. There are no long distance relationship prospects here if either of you move. The only thing you can do is to match/balance your expectations to hers, and not place so much focus on her. Contact her as much as she contacts you. In my opinion it's difficult to do this without walking away at some point.
boogieboy Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 (edited) Everything she is telling you is bullshyt. She is using you as a rebound, she is still thinking of her ex bf, and you will help her get over him, while filling the void. Thats your only purpose to her. I think her telling you she doesnt want the title is a hint from her that she doesnt want to be with you for long. You see her actions are telling you that she isnt investing herself in you. Get out now before you get hurt, you have the clear signs, run now! You already see that her actions dont match her words, and you always go with the actions. The words are to keep you off your guard. She will dump you as soon as she's done with you. You will never change her mind, Especially since you will be separating soon. I sugggest you dump her right now, and let her find someone else to fill the void, that is if YOU want a serious relationship. Dont invest any more emotion in this woman. Dont let her use you and throw you away for her benefit only. Dump her NOW. BTW, shes a manipulator, so be on guard that if you pull away, she will say whatever she you want to hear to reel you back in, dont fall for it. Edited February 2, 2010 by boogieboy
Zeegagge Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Don't forget she wasn't even entirely out of her previous relationship when she started with you. You could be somewhat of a rebound. Even though many people don't take time for themselves in between relationships they definitely should.
stillafool Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 what does official title of gf mean? Do you get an engraved certificate or a commemorative medallion or something? Do your parents think you're gay and therefore you have to be able to tell them you "have a girlfriend"? Now, I see in this post you don't mention anything about sex. Are you having sex with her? If so, continue, and play the field, since she is not binding you to an exclusive relationship. If you are not having sex with her, well then she is just your "friend." Tell me when you see her do you guys hold hands and share a chocolate milk shake or something? I happen to think she's the rational one between the two of you, first, because OBVIOUSLY if you're going to be on different continents it's idiotic to ramp up the relationship, even if she wanted to (although she apparently doesn't). Second, because you're obsessed about getting her to allow you to call her "gf." If you have to obsess about anything with her, why not obsess about something worthwhile, such as whether she lets you put your penis in her vagina and if so, with what frequency. I agree with this. Why does she have to be labeled gf?
BackUpOrGetStung Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Enjoy your time with her, while also looking for a gf.
Recommended Posts