What are the chances?

[jennie-jennie]

It has NOTHING to do with religion. I said socioeconomic, not biblical. Try not to presume so much.

 

Who's presuming? I was just talking out of my own experience, where I see religion being important to the American people overall, whereas it is pretty insignificant in my country. What I meant is that religion influences the way you look at marriage and divorce, but that is not true for us.

 

"Socioeconomic chaos" is not something I would say is the consequence of divorce here.

[anne1707]

Jennie Jennie

 

I am curious as to where you live in Europe as you are making it sound as if divorce is not a big thing there. But I can think of plenty of countries in Europe where divorce would not be seen in such a relaxed manner as you seem to imply.

[reboot]

"Socioeconomic chaos" is not something I would say is the consequence of divorce here.

 

It's not the consequence of divorce, any particular divorce is completely inconsequential to society as a whole; it's the consequence of a very high RATE of divorce in a society built on such a model.

 

Maybe the society in your country has a different model. Maybe you all live in grass huts. I have no earthly idea as you don't really tell us anything about it. But to suggest that we in America should just scrap our belief systems, our social models, our religions and just "be like you", whoever that is, is just not practical.

[jennie-jennie]

Jennie Jennie

 

I am curious as to where you live in Europe as you are making it sound as if divorce is not a big thing there. But I can think of plenty of countries in Europe where divorce would not be seen in such a relaxed manner as you seem to imply.

 

Sorry, TMI. But you can count those countries out.

[anne1707]

Sorry, TMI. But you can count those countries out.

 

Well in that case, I suggest you make reference to "the country I live in" rather than "Europe"

 

By the way, I don't think anybody is going to figure out who you are just by the country you live in

[Samantha0905]

Jennie jennie,

 

You certainly have an interesting pespective on things, I would like to talk more to you about it personally, is your phone number still 867 5309?

(sorry couldn't resist that one)

 

LOL!

 

Who's presuming? I was just talking out of my own experience, where I see religion being important to the American people overall, whereas it is pretty insignificant in my country.

 

Do you mean organized religion or a relationship with God or both? I think that's sad.

[jennie-jennie]

Do you mean organized religion or a relationship with God or both? I think that's sad.

 

Both, and it is not sad, it is liberating.

[Samantha0905]

Both, and it is not sad, it is liberating.

 

For a while perhaps.......

 

We all have a right to believe what we believe. Thank God for freedom of religion.

[OWoman]

And what 53 countries? European or American where divorce is more prevalent, or were the #'s skewed by Asian and African countries where divorces are perhaps not so common?

 

 

Coming from one of those countries, I can attest that D rates are at least the same, and probably higher, than the US figures. The last reliable D rates I saw for my home country were 60% of all Ms ending in D. D is "no fault" in my country, so there is nothing punitive attached to it, and custody / child support is always decided in the best interests of the child/ren, so it's not a warground for estranged spouses to impart damage on the other. Perhaps that makes D more attractive, or perhaps less, who knows?

[OWoman]

You guys are talking apples and oranges here. The 3% number that is bandied about all the time is the percentage of relationships spawned from an affair that result in marriage and last more than 5 years.

 

And that study had some serious flaws, so I wouldn't pay much attention to it either.

 

 

There is a link to it somewhere on the site - probably a thread on the OW board. The study itself is measuring something completely other than what is usually read from it: that 3% of As land up as Ms. In fact, it was a study of a small sample of businessmen in an airport, of which 3% were willing to state that they were in a M of longer than 5 years which had once started out as an A. Trying to generalise from it anymore than that is pointless, as even the authors don't claim that their sample represents all businessmen, let alone all people!

 

Personally, I think stats on matters such as infidelity will always be suspect (like stats on how often you have sex) because it's a highly emotive subject, there are such conflicting moral perspectives around it and most interviewees are trying - consciously or not - to "please" the interviewer so they're unlikely to want to offend. I guess the only reliable way would be to trawl through divorce papers from countries where D based on infidelity still requires the third party to be named - and follow up after, say, five years to see how many of those couples are still together (though, again, that would be generalisable only to a population of people who had their A publicly dragged through a courtroom, rather than all As...).

[Jeff1962]

What are the chances my stbx will actually marry this other married man in the future? Does anyone know of any statistics on this? Is it really possible that this guy will divorce his wife and marry mine? Or is this just infatuation with them because they dated in junior high?

 

Does anyone here have any experiences to share? Thanks!!

 

I do not have any experiences not statistics to share, however;

 

I know this is a hit to your ego. No matter how hard this may be, try not to focus on these thoughts, you are only causing youself more pain. Instead, focus on you and what you want out of life. Time to pick your heart up off the ground, brush off the debris and move on.

 

There are plenty of women out there who will be faithful to you if you treat them right.

[MARINE_ONE]

I do not have any experiences not statistics to share, however;

 

I know this is a hit to your ego. No matter how hard this may be, try not to focus on these thoughts, you are only causing youself more pain. Instead, focus on you and what you want out of life. Time to pick your heart up off the ground, brush off the debris and move on.

 

There are plenty of women out there who will be faithful to you if you treat them right.

 

I agree and I am trying not to dwell on these things. It's just so hard for me to believe that they will live happily ever after. Although she is going to drive 4 hours again to see him this weekend and they are talking about her moving there.

 

I am actually starting to find this all quite humorous. They both really have to have a screw loose to find each other 4 weeks ago and both quickly have decided on divorces and now spend every weekend together.

 

She actually had the nerve to ask me for more money today. Hahahaha!! She must think I am an idiot if she thinks I am paying for her trips to see him. I hope he divorces soon and moves in or marries her, so I can quit paying alimony.

[zwieback.toast]

I agree and I am trying not to dwell on these things. It's just so hard for me to believe that they will live happily ever after.

 

 

They won't, most likely. The type of affair most likely to survive after the divorce of the original two marriages is the "lost love" affair, i.e., the one where an old boyfriend/girlfriend from each other's pasts somehow finds each other again, and where they originally broke up that relationship due to circumstances beyond their control rather than incompatability. I guess there are other kinds that might survive, but the kind where two lunatics just collided with each other more or at less at random I don't think is one of them.

 

 

 

Although she is going to drive 4 hours again to see him this weekend and they are talking about her moving there.

 

You know she's crazy if she's driving four hours just to get laid.

 

 

I am actually starting to find this all quite humorous. They both really have to have a screw loose to find each other 4 weeks ago and both quickly have decided on divorces and now spend every weekend together.

 

Well I guess there's some black humor in it, but it's actually kind of sad and frightening that people have this capacity to just go completely off the deep end like this in a rather unpredictable fashion. I mean let's face it--if you were unhappy in your marriage, wouldn't you want to start a new relationship with someone reasonably sane? Maybe not if you're insane too.

 

She actually had the nerve to ask me for more money today. Hahahaha!! She must think I am an idiot if she thinks I am paying for her trips to see him. I hope he divorces soon and moves in or marries her, so I can quit paying alimony.

 

Their love affair is so great that he won't even pay for her travel expenses to get up there so they can get laid.

 

I give it two, maybe three months tops.

[jennie-jennie]

The type of affair most likely to survive after the divorce of the original two marriages is the "lost love" affair, i.e., the one where an old boyfriend/girlfriend from each other's pasts somehow finds each other again, and where they originally broke up that relationship due to circumstances beyond their control rather than incompatability.

 

Very interesting. This fits our relationship to a T. Do you have any backup for this statement?

[Jeff1962]

I agree and I am trying not to dwell on these things. It's just so hard for me to believe that they will live happily ever after. Although she is going to drive 4 hours again to see him this weekend and they are talking about her moving there.

 

I am actually starting to find this all quite humorous. They both really have to have a screw loose to find each other 4 weeks ago and both quickly have decided on divorces and now spend every weekend together.

 

She actually had the nerve to ask me for more money today. Hahahaha!! She must think I am an idiot if she thinks I am paying for her trips to see him. I hope he divorces soon and moves in or marries her, so I can quit paying alimony.

 

Semper Fi brother. Impovise, adapt and overcome. You as well as any Marine knows what this statement truly means to it's core. Move on brother.

[jennie-jennie]

Yes I saw it in the January 2010 issue of "Cheater's Digest"

 

 

I actually saw it in Francesco Alberoni's book Falling in Love and Loving. Just wondering if you read it in yet a place?

[jennie-jennie]

What are the chances my stbx will actually marry this other married man in the future? Does anyone know of any statistics on this? Is it really possible that this guy will divorce his wife and marry mine? Or is this just infatuation with them because they dated in junior high ?

 

Does anyone here have any experiences to share? Thanks!!

 

The type of affair most likely to survive after the divorce of the original two marriages is the "lost love" affair, i.e., the one where an old boyfriend/girlfriend from each other's pasts somehow finds each other again, and where they originally broke up that relationship due to circumstances beyond their control rather than incompatability.

 

Oops, Marine_One, it looks like your wife's stats just went way up, since hers too is the "lost love" affair!

[delirious]

Jennie Jennie

 

I am curious as to where you live in Europe as you are making it sound as if divorce is not a big thing there. But I can think of plenty of countries in Europe where divorce would not be seen in such a relaxed manner as you seem to imply.

 

Do you actually know where Europe is??? I agree with JJ - divorce is unstigmatised in MOST of Europe and is almost a surprise if someone is not on their second marriage. I know lots of people very happily on their second marriage. After all, people are usually much older and wiser when they enter that.

[zwieback.toast]

Oops, Marine_One, it looks like your wife's stats just went way up, since hers too is the "lost love" affair!

 

 

Jennie,

 

just because the odds are better doesn't mean they're that great to begin with.

 

Why are you taking pleasure in someone else's pain?

[reboot]

Why are you taking pleasure in someone else's pain?

 

Hang around here long enough and you'll realize how common a theme that is.

[jennie-jennie]

 

Why are you taking pleasure in someone else's pain?

 

Hang around here long enough and you'll realize how common a theme that is.

 

Marine_One's rude post to me was deleted, as was yours. If Marine_One wants us to side with him and not his wife, he should show us he is worth it.

[reboot]

Marine_One's rude post to me was deleted, as was yours. If Marine_One wants us to side with him and not his wife, he should show us he is worth it.

 

That attitude has no business giving advice here. If I said to you,

 

"if you want us to side with you and not your lover's BW, you have to show us you're worth it"

 

you'd be livid, and rightfully so. That's just a terrible thing to say.

[MARINE_ONE]

Marine_One's rude post to me was deleted, as was yours. If Marine_One wants us to side with him and not his wife, he should show us he is worth it.

 

My post to you was not rude. It was honest. I don't care if you take my side. Where in this thread am I asking anyone to take sides? The only side I care about is the one my four kids are on.

 

There is definitely something wrong about the pleasure you are taking in my pain and probaly the pain you have caused others.

 

For everyone else... I get my kids this weekend. Woot woot!! Should be a blast. I get to help my youngest build his valentines day box. (it is a class competition so I hope I help him well enough). Hope everyone has great weekend!!

[jennie-jennie]

My post to you was not rude. It was honest. I don't care if you take my side. Where in this thread am I asking anyone to take sides? The only side I care about is the one my four kids are on.

 

There is definitely something wrong about the pleasure you are taking in my pain and probaly the pain you have caused others.

 

For everyone else... I get my kids this weekend. Woot woot!! Should be a blast. I get to help my youngest build his valentines day box. (it is a class competition so I hope I help him well enough). Hope everyone has great weekend!!

 

I see no reason why your wife finding happiness with another man in any way would be negative for your children.

[reboot]

I see no reason why your wife finding happiness with another man in any way would be negative for your children.

 

Have you actually read his posts? You know, the ones where his wife leaves their children with someone else while she spends days on end away from them to be with the other man? You don't think that's negative for his children?

 

Unbelievable.