spookie Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 So, in my last thread, I was about to go on a date with a guy who had a gf. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t215385/ He told me that their R had been effectively over for a while, but he was waiting for the right time to end it (not in the middle of the holidays). Although practically everyone on LS told me he was a scumbag, I opted to listen to my gut, since I could sympathize with his situation. I didn't believe he was lying to me, or trying to have his cake, and eat it, too. Well... he broke up with her 2 days after our date. He called me that night, to tell me I had "nothing to worry about", that he "wasn't jerking me around", wasn't a bad guy, and had never before gotten himself into this kind of situation. We've been seeing each other ever since. I'm being cautious, and neither of us wants to dive head-first into a serious R - but we've established that we're exclusive, he treats me really well, and we have the best time together. Honestly, I think this could be the s l o w start of something lasting and good. I'm glad I din't listen to yall.
Pizzaman81 Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Beware, he has the habit of starting something before ending something. Just beware... you may not know if he will be doing it to you in the future.
Author spookie Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Beware, he has the habit of starting something before ending something. Just beware... you may not know if he will be doing it to you in the future. Yah, I'm being aware. It's definitely a red flag, but for me, it isn't a deal-breaker. He wasn't trying to "get away" with anything, which, IMO, is the worst part about cheating. He just made a mess of breaking up with her - but most breakups are painful and messy.
Trialbyfire Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Good luck spookie and I mean that sincerely. Everyone deserves happiness. Having said that, I still think he's a scumbag for starting to date, before he exited his last relationship. In marriages, it's called an exit affair, where the cheater finds someone to help him/her bridge out of the marriage. The relationship rarely lasts, since the cheater hasn't addressed his prior relationship issues. In essence, a rebound.
Hot Carl Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Sometimes the timing is just bad. I wouldn't worry about it.
Stockalone Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 ...I din't listen to yall. Now that's a shocker. I'll give you that, you are consistent with the sort of men you pick. Nonetheless, I wish you good luck and hope this works out for you.
Barky Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Women do the same thing all the time. What's the line? "Monkeys don't let go of one vine before grabbing the next." Something like that. Everyone who has any experience in the dating pool won't end a relationship without having a pretty-sure one waiting for 'em. Women do it constantly, men are usually too inexperienced to do it.
meerkat stew Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Just keep in mind, if they do it -with- you, they are capable of doing it -to- you. I hope you never experience the above though.
New_Life08 Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Well, maybe he is sincere. Maybe this will be an exception to the scumbag rule. It could be his cheating is justified...this time....maybe "No ring, no thing"...that shouldn't pose a problem in your relationship since you're aware this is the view of the people he hangs out with. It's possible he was planning to leave his girlfriend anyway, so the actual breaking up after the oral sex with you was just a delayed formality. I suppose it is possible that he will not do the same to you....maybe. I guess it is possible that this is the first time he used poor moral judgment in a relationship. I suppose a person could have a guilt-free first affair?....maybe? I guess if you fall in love with him, you can trust him unconditionally? Just be careful...these things have a way of starting out innocently enough...only to haunt you later. Best of luck friend.
Tinker Bell Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Be careful. My ex had been dating somebody for a few months when he met me. He told me after we had seen each other and kissed each other a few times. I expected him to break up with her which he didn't do right away. At one point he told me he had told her about me and that from now on I was 'his' and hat he would always be there for me. I was so in love and naive back then. And later I found out that he had still seen her from time to time when I was not around. I had found emails stating that he will 'miss her' when she moves to another state etc. I could never trust him, because of that and other situations. We stayed together for 2 years but it was not great at all. So just be careful and remember a person can say everything but doesn't have to mean anything. Let their actions speak.
DiscoChick Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Women do the same thing all the time. What's the line? "Monkeys don't let go of one vine before grabbing the next." Something like that. Everyone who has any experience in the dating pool won't end a relationship without having a pretty-sure one waiting for 'em. Women do it constantly, men are usually too inexperienced to do it. Lies. That is such an underhanded, selfish, and disrespectful thing to do. I would never do something like that. It's just cruel.
Author spookie Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Thanks, everyone. I am aware of the red flags. But it's not like I'm making a decision to marry him tomorrow. As I said, we're taking it easy. I'm still just getting to know him. He may turn out to be a scumbag yet - in which case, I've been forewarned. I'll find out soon enough. But even if he is, so what? What'll I have lost by coming to that conclusion for myself, by giving him a chance? Not much. In the meantime, I am really happy. That's got to count for something.
torranceshipman Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Ah that is cool, glad he broke up with her. But can you check that he really HAS ended it? Be cautious because he could be saying anything...letting her think the door might still be open, etc...might not be an issue but be careful.
Trialbyfire Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 spookie, you've just expressed the OW/OM anthem, in a nutshell.
melodymatters Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Well, in defense of this, they are pretty young, and he prob was going to leave this other chick sooner or later. The fact that he DID, two days later isn't a hanging crime. I once knew I was in a dead end R, the ennui just kept me taking him back time after time after time. I started talking to someone and though there was nothing physical, the next back/ forth drama I just said " No" and started dating the other guy. Guy #1 had a nervous break down because he thought he could keep playing me like that. We don't know what the ex GF of this guy did or is like. For one, I look forward to spookies updates and it's GOT to better than pining over Jack ! Maybe now she can concentrate on her career !
Trialbyfire Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 (edited) Nevermind, it's just not worth it...post deleted. Edited February 2, 2010 by Trialbyfire
Barky Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Nevermind, it's just not worth it...post deleted. I've been here for a week and already feel that way about most posts here. The folks here are the biggest trainwrecks I've seen on internet forums.
Pink Cupcakes Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 I don't buy the whole "bridge" theory. My sister was happy in her relationship of 2 years, met another guy on college campus handing out fliers, and they just fell for each other. This wasn't a case of her looking for another relationship to exit, she just found someone who she loved, so she left her boyfriend after seeing the guy she fell for. Sometimes it just takes someone else to make you realize that you're not as in love as you thought. She is married to the guy she "cheated" with her boyfriend on for 15 years now, and they are very happy.
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