j444 Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 (edited) My girlfriend of 1 ½ years recently told me I NEED SPACE. So the first two days I was naturally trying to get answers, it was not working so I took the advice of a friend of mine, and give her an infinite amount of time, and space. So I did, just a few days later she started texting me, I would respond sometime. The texts I would get are hope you had a great weekend, do you have any big plans. I would take my time to answer, sometimes I would not bother to answer. She told me about 2 weeks later to let her do all the contacting. I told her I agree we need some space, and told her by your actions, and words are telling me you want to end the relationship but don’t have the heart to tell me, and to break my heart. Right now you don’t what to be with me so make it easier on both of us, and we will not be in contact. One month later she has been texting me about good times we had in the past, pictures of accomplishments she has recently has done at work, telling me how a Christmas gift I gave her helped her out at work so much. Sending me sad love songs, and songs on how people screwed up. Sending me emails from work to keep warm, and have a great day. Telling me she baked my favorite things. She also wont to take pictures of us together off myspace, and facebook. I called her the other day , and asked her is the your way of telling me you want to talk about things. She said I am not ready, and need time and space, I will come to you when I am ready. She also telling me that if she said yes to moving in with me this probably would not have happened. I asked her to move in when we dated for about a year. She was 28 then now 29, and has always lived at home. Her answer to me when I asked her was( I can’t my mom will hold it over my head) I was trying to step forward, and then 3 back after hearing that She told me still need my space, and I will come to you when I am ready. I said take your time, but don’t expect me to be waiting there when you are ready. I am going to go out and live life, and have fun. She said if it’s meant to it’s meant to be. I said bye, and please quit giving me mixed signals, so we can both move forward After that 1 hour later she is sending me more songs about how people screwed up in relationships, and she texted me goodnight for the first time in 6 weeks She has told me without me asking she has not been out with anyone else, and I have some good male, and female friends who she is on sports teams with, and have both told me she seems sad, and has not shown any interest in anyone else I am going to make it easier on myself, and focus on what is important. And will be using no contact for a while. If she shows up at my door, or leaves me a very good voice mail I might consider talking to her, besides that I am going to work on moving on. Any advice on why someone would send so many mixed signals, and do things like she is doing. Edited February 2, 2010 by j444
infjgrl Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 has she mentioned WHY she needs the space? open communication might help, but if it's past that point, i'd say you're doing the right thing by moving on. to be honest, people who don't try in a relationship and say, "if it's meant to be..." don't really want it that bad. find someone who is straightforward... the mixed signals KILL me. i don't get it. and have a good time until then.
mansquito Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I'm not a lady, but do you know if she's been evaluated for depression? Assuming she's telling the truth about not seeing anybody else, her self-isolating behavior coupled with your friends' description of her apparent mood makes me wonder if it might be worth a trip to a mental health professional.
boogieboy Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I dont know what you might have done, or not done to make her this way. But making sure that you dont answer any texts or calls, until she is ready to reconcile is the only way to snap her out of this limbo. You have to let her know for real (even if you said so) that she will lose you. She will panic if you havent answered her calls or texts for a month. And NEVER update her on what youre doing, that makes it worse.
Satisfaction Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 She sounds like a nutter. What was she like before? Has she always been like that? I would be tempted to run away.You've already told her about giving you mixed signals but she won't listen. Perhaps she is waiting to hear something from you. Who knows? If you haven't been able to guess by now then you will not be able to. She should tell you. If she won't, then you will just both just drag out the agony more. I would go to where ever she is and tell her you want to have a serious talk with her. Give her a date of a week or so later. Tell her to think of all the things she wants to say to you. You think of all the things you want to say to her. Doing that should force her to think abut what she wants to say to you, what she needs space for. Hopefully that meeting should bring it all up to the surface. You can't keep guessing and tormenting each other like that.
Trialbyfire Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Her actions don't make sense. Wild guess but is she looking for marriage, rather than moving in together?
Author j444 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 She has never acted like this before. She has been known to get way to stressed out, and overwhelm herself with way more then she can handle. I know she wanted to get married, and we did discuss it. It was about the time I asked her to move in with me. After she gave me her answer on why she can't move in I held off more on wanting to get married. We were together another 6 months after that, and everything was going well. I do know that she was upset that I did not propose yet.
Trialbyfire Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Let's pretend that marriage is her reason for acting this way. If she felt there was no future in the relationship but still loves you, her actions make more sense. She's finding it difficult to completely let go of you.
Crazy Magnet Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I second TBF. It sort of sounds like she thought marriage was on the table, then decided it wasn't, still loves you, but doesn't feel like you are going to give her the type of relationship she is looking for (marriage) and is having problems letting go.
Author j444 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 I told her that I was planning on asking to to marry me on Christmas Eve. She told me that she would have S**t her pants, and probably have said no, that was right around the time she started this whole space thing. She did want to have sex on Christmas eve, and said it would be Christmas present for both os us, and then told me it was goodbye sex. I have never heard of a female wanting goodbye sex, and wanting to enjoy one last special moment with me. I thought it was mainly males
Trialbyfire Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 After she gave me her answer on why she can't move in I held off more on wanting to get married. If you told her you would marry her after she asked for space, notice how you use marriage like a weapon, carrot and stick?
Barky Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 My girlfriend of 1 ½ years recently told me I NEED SPACE. (snip) Dude, who cares why she's doing it? You need to be out there dating other women. Tip: if you find yourself writing plaintive posts to random people on the internet about some chick, you're doing things wrong. Start dating other women right now.
boogieboy Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I told her that I was planning on asking to to marry me on Christmas Eve. She told me that she would have S**t her pants, and probably have said no, that was right around the time she started this whole space thing. She did want to have sex on Christmas eve, and said it would be Christmas present for both os us, and then told me it was goodbye sex. I have never heard of a female wanting goodbye sex, and wanting to enjoy one last special moment with me. I thought it was mainly males Goodbye sex? That was a hint. She's too chicken to break it off with you. Start dating other women while shes deciding to break it off. Let her suffer. BTW I hope that she isnt dating someone while shes doing this crap to you. A woman who wants to marry you doesnt act like this.
Satisfaction Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 (edited) You need to be out Start dating other women right now. If she was just a comfort blanket for you, someone regular to have sex with, someone pretty to look at, then by all means do this. If on the other hand you genuinely cared about her and want to try and work things out then you shouldn't bother. She sounds crazy at the moment. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and attributing that to hurt. If you try dating while you are still in love with someone else you will find that you have to force your feelings quite alot of the time and you will get very little pleasure from what you are doing. You may realise what you are doing is hurting you and instead of healing you are not but causing more misery to anyone whose path you cross to the extent you start telling random people on the internet to start seeing other women straight away at the first signs of a break up /trouble and reading PUA sites like they are the bible. Edited February 2, 2010 by Satisfaction
Barky Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 You may realise what you are doing is hurting you and instead of healing you are not but causing more misery to anyone whose path you cross to the extent you start telling random people on the internet to start seeing other women straight away at the first signs of a break up /trouble and reading PUA sites like they are the bible. Well I didn't quite understand your run-on sentence there but my theory is you should be dating multiple women until you're married. Don't get too excited about any one of 'em because they might treat you like s*** like what has happened to this poor sod.
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