DolceVenganza Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 At 29, self-employed, and having grown up as something of a hobbiest and a fiercely independent person, I am beginning to wonder if I am "built" for relationships...or mayhaps it is just 5 years of having a bad, somewhat dependent relationship? (If you search my name you will find a few posts about a very tumultuous relationship that has lasted 5 years, been very rocky, many highs and lows, and still persists). I work in financial services, doing taxes and full-spectrum financial planning. As a result, my independence affords me a flexible schedule when needed and a very demanding schedules at other times. I love it. But when I get out of work at 9pm or even 7pm, the last thing I want to do is zoom over to my gf's place. I'd rather head home, wash up, workout, read, or take down a cigar. At heart, I'm a caretaker, looking after my family, friends' and even clients' best interests, but when the day is over, I need time to diffuse, and at least now I have been pretty adamant about chilling when work is over - as it is, I rarely get that. Unfortunately, I have a negative viewpoint on my friends' relationships that leads me to view them as pu$$ified. Perhaps I have good reason, as most of them have ditched their friends and/or hobbies completely. I can't get behind that. If it takes a relationship to drastically change me or my life, I see it as something is wrong with me. With regard to a girlfriend in my life, she would be free to do what she wants, within respect of the relationship. If she violates that, I won't be chasing her, committing domestic assault, or any other stupid male possessiveness trait. Simply put, she's gone. I believe in love being free and coming back if it's true. The only way we can love is freely, otherwise we are just emotionally manipulating the person into loving us. Yes? So are there any people near 30 that just do not see themselves or feel themselves being in a committed relationship, or is it about finding a person with whom many interests lineup? From X's I have heard relationships take work, but none of them lasted over 5 years; I certainly hope no relationship that is so short takes work. After 10, 20, or 30 years I can agree that you may have to put more effort into keeping the spark going and breaking the funk or habits that may bore you, but under 5 years or so, you should not have to 'work' at it. Everyone around me is proposing or popping out babies and the best I've mustered with my most recent 5 year relationship is pure chaos, to which the both of us are at fault. Needless to say, I'm grasping at straws here, seeking other people who may be of a similar mindset. Thanks, DV
Crazy Magnet Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I think even at the beginning of a relationship there is work involved as well as some give and take. IMO this builds a solid foundation based on mutual respect and trusts. Nobody reads minds, so boundaries have to be discussed and agreed upon. You do have to expect that when you merge another person's life with your own, that you don't get to live 100% the way you want to. At some point you have to make sacrifices for the other person, just like they will sacrifice for you. If you aren't at that stage, where you are willing to budge on anything, then no, you are probably not a point for a LTR. There is nothing wrong with that. I try to find a man with similar interest and hobbies so that we can do them together and not ditch the things we love. As for ditching friends, I think there is a period in a new relationship where everyone gets caught up wanting to be with their new SO. After that I see more couples doing things with other couples, and once kids come into play, I think priorities change drastically.
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