ladyjane83 Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 So, I met this guy on an onlie dating site. We have been out 4 times in total and had a really good time on each date, we have alot in common, same veiws and opinions in regards to relationships etc and make each other laugh alot. Now then, after our second date (which went very well) we were talking through texts and he asked me how many boyfrinds (really meaning how many people had I slept with) I had had I told him 5 (i'm 26) but I knew that he might have a problem with this as I knew that he doesnt like girls who are too promiscuous and even though thats not a bad number I think he really wants a girl who is a virgin or near enough. Well, I was right and he said that he doesnt think he can pursue it any further because that might be an issue for him and he wouldnt want to hurt me further down the line. So about a week later we talked and he said that he might have been over reacting and that because he likes so many other things about me we should give it a go and see what happens if I still wanted to. I said yes. It was never mentioned again after that and things were going really well, he said lots of nice things etc. Last weekend (friday) we had our 3rd date...I went to his place for chinese and movie and the next day he called to ask if I wanted to go over that day and hang out then go for dinner in the evening. We did. Was lovely. He dropped me off at my parents that night and was even talking about coming in to meet them! (luckily they had gone to bed!) been texting eachother since then, we both said we had a good time etc. We hadnt kissed or anything yet after 4 dates, but that didnt really worry me because I was enjoying getting to know him properly and I also know he likes to take things slow. he said that we would def see each other aggin this week Today...I text him "hey you ok? having a good day? x" and he replies with : "Hello. just want to say sorry. This relationship is going so slowly and its my fault. I havent been fair to you. You know I have issues because I told you a while ago. I think you deserve better. sorry." WTF?! by "issues" does he still mean how many boyfriends Ive had? and if so where on earth has that sprung up from again?! I asked him why and said I thought we had a good time at the weekend? he replied with "I did have a nice time" so I text "I dont get it then?! is it still the boyfriend thing?" and he replied " I just dont know what I want at the moment and its unfair to prolong your search for your mr right. Im just being honest with you like I always have been" I text back with "well, I think thats a shame because we obviously get on really well. Hope you manage to find this elusive perfect girl that you're looking for...sorry it wasnt me" and he didnt reply. a couple of hours later I text "you've really really confused me" and he replied "That isnt my intention. In bed now. Night x" (he hardly ever puts X at the end of his texts) so I just sent "well you have. night." Im so so confused. What is he thinking? any one else and I would say that he has met someone else. But I know that isnt the case from what I know of him. Thoughts?
rina_r Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 May be it is time to stop stupid texting and begin talking in person???
meerkat stew Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Dump him, this guy is immature, and will cause you lots of stress and angst. No kiss in four dates? Weird. Wants to go in and meet your parents at this point? Weird. Freaked out about your sex number... that is 5? Weird. Then suddenly wants to try again? Weird. Then gets freaked out again? Weird. I have a feeling this guy is tall and very good looking, am I right?
Author ladyjane83 Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 We do talk in person. But he didnt give me the courtesy of calling to break it off, so I wasnt going to call him.
Crazy Magnet Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Yep, I think having this type of conversation over text is a bad idea. Either have it in person, or over the phone.
OnlyJake Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Dump him, this guy is immature, and will cause you lots of stress and angst. No kiss in four dates? Weird. Wants to go in and meet your parents at this point? Weird. Freaked out about your sex number... that is 5? Weird. Then suddenly wants to try again? Weird. Then gets freaked out again? Weird. x2 He's this anal and he can't even freaking call you to chat about this? Screw him and his self-righteous attitude.
Tinker Bell Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 This guy is immature as mentioned above. I mean who texts something private like that? Rather address it in person. Also beware, he seems really insecure. I would say that for your age you haven't slept with too many guys. But if that is an issue for him and makes him feel so insecure, it will only get worse the more you date. Dump him, he can't handle a woman.
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Why are you even interested in this guy? Any guy who has the nerve to ask me (via text nonetheless) so early in the dating process how many guys I've been with and then judge me for it can get lost. Pass. Next. There are plenty of guys who aren't like this. Trust me.
Greenpeacer Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 If he texts you again. text- "I'm concerned over your lack of experience in terms of asking about things by text rather than in person. and lack of manners or discretion " that type of thing. Write "I'm concerned over your lack of maturity."
Tinker Bell Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 If he texts you again. text- "I'm concerned over your lack of experience in terms of asking about things by text rather than in person. and lack of manners or discretion " that type of thing. Write "I'm concerned over your lack of maturity." that would be a nice move haha.
Trialbyfire Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 ladyjane, if this is the same guy from your late December thread, he's not going to change. He does have issues with numbers and has clearly stated as such, multiple times. No matter how you twist and turn for him, this won't change his issues.
sagetalk Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 ladyjane, if this is the same guy from your late December thread, he's not going to change. He does have issues with numbers and has clearly stated as such, multiple times. No matter how you twist and turn for him, this won't change his issues. Wanting a girl to have only slept with none or a few guys is not an issue, it's a preference and is reasonable. These two are just not compatible. I say move on, some guys don't like women who have had sex with 5 men. Then again some guys could care less. Guess which ones you're going to have a better chance with .
greatgirlfriend Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Some guys only want virgins. I know a few (they'd never date me because they know I am not one) and they are goofy in many ways. Not worth it.
D-Lish Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Drop this guy OP, his issues are way beyond fixing. What an uptight, self righteous, judgemental, insecure little boy this guy is. Don't you dare feel the need to apologize for the choices you made before this piece of crap walked into you life.
A_guy Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 It was an issue when it was first mentioned. Seems he thought about and tried to give it more of a chance. Probably couldn't get it out of his head. Better now than problems later. I suppose one can look at it as a preference. Personally speaking, I wouldn't care.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Wow. Drop this guy. He's completely insensitive and immature. I wouldn't respond to ANY further attempts at contact at all.
Author ladyjane83 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 I don't think he will contact me again to be honest. I just want to know why that's all, if its the boyfriend thing then that's his choice if its just that he isn't interested then tell me. We had 2 really good dates at the weekend he said we would do something this week and then this. I know its not really a great loss, but just want to know why...its never nice to be dumped!
Author ladyjane83 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 ladyjane, if this is the same guy from your late December thread, he's not going to change. He does have issues with numbers and has clearly stated as such, multiple times. No matter how you twist and turn for him, this won't change his issues. Yeah this is the same guy. I knew he had issues with things but at the time I said that if he is willing to give it a try then so am I but if it gets brought up again then that would be it. So this is it i guess!
Trialbyfire Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Yeah this is the same guy. I knew he had issues with things but at the time I said that if he is willing to give it a try then so am I but if it gets brought up again then that would be it. So this is it i guess!ladyjane, one thing I've learned over the years is that minute you try to "prove" you're worthwhile to date, is the minute that you're in effect saying you're not. Try not to tie this into your self-esteem since these are his issues, not yours. Move on and find someone who's compatible with your values, rather than chasing someone who's not.
Author ladyjane83 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 ladyjane, one thing I've learned over the years is that minute you try to "prove" you're worthwhile to date, is the minute that you're in effect saying you're not. Try not to tie this into your self-esteem since these are his issues, not yours. Move on and find someone who's compatible with your values, rather than chasing someone who's not. Yeah, to be honest I am quite releived. He ad this perfect idea of what I girl should be like and I didnt realise it at the time but it was stressfull trying to live up to it! I wasnt being myself. Now I can find someone who is more my type and who likes me for me.
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