nofirstnames Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 My therapists have both suggested that I have to do what ever it takes to either prove or disprove my suspicions about H. Follow the facts they say. The problem I have with that is that in order to get an answer I will trust…I am going to have to start exhibiting some of the very behaviors I suspect him of: secret e-mail accounts, credit cards, and cell phones, hiding money, and LYING to cover it all up! So, I don’t know which is worse. Living with the suspicions, or living with the knowledge that I am now behaving exactly the way I don’t want him to. They both SUCK! MC has said on more than one occasion that as long as H isn’t going missing for hours or days at a time; comes home every night after work; doesn’t go out for a night out regularly without me; isn’t suddenly traveling excessively; the lack of evidence on his cell phone records; and no suspicious receipts or financial activity, ect…you get the picture. Then I should trust he’s telling the truth about being totally faithful in our marriage. I know how laughable that sounds to those of you who found out your W or H was indeed carrying on either an EA or PA under the same circumstances. So, of course that’s not enough to quiet my suspicions. I don’t know what to do. If I start trying to disprove my suspicions and I’m wrong, the lies and manipulation I exercise in search of the truth will damage the marriage even further, probably even destroy it. If I’m right, the realization of his lies and manipulation will definitely destroy us. Where do I go from here?
SleepingDog Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 That same feeling held me back. But If I had acted earlier on the first 'red flags', and installed a key logger right away, I could have uncovered the affair much earlier, when it had only just started. As it was, I did not until six months later, and instead of just one evening of sex, this guy had basically taken my place while I was away on a 6 month business trip. Normal rules go out of the window when an affair is concerned.
reboot Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 You will be amazed at how much weight will fall off your shoulders once you know the truth. And if's gotten to this point, the odds are very much against you being wrong.
Juniper22 Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I'm in a similar situation right now. The problem is I keep doubting or second guessing myself. And no its not because I don't want to really know what may or may not be happening, because I do want to know. Its just that I keep thinking I'm wrong and this is just silly of me to think like this etc. I'm not a naturally suspicious person, so my radar only goes off if I feel something is up, however that radar could be wrong, and thats what I keep telling myself.
Brandy228 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Nofirstnames, do you really want to live indefinitely not knowing the truth about such a potentially severe situation? Direct questions always produce Grimm's Fairy Tale responses, so don't bother. Not knowing is going to drive you insane. This is what I strongly suggest, Google this exact phrase "All In One Keylogger" It's completely free to try for a week with no restrictions. In a week you should know whether he's being straight with you or not. If he's being a good boy, you can simply uninstall it and never say a word to him. If he's being unfaithful, you have all the proof you need. Good luck to you, regardless of what you decide to do. HUGS
Author nofirstnames Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 A keylogger is out of the question. He would detect it in a heartbeat. At times I've wondered if he hasn't already beat me to it. So, I'll find the strength somehow to get to the bottom of this and just hope, hope, hope that I'm wrong.
SleepingDog Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 That's nonsense! There are ones available that are practically invisible, they don't even show up with CTRL+ALT+DEL. He'd really have to be looking for onee. Remember, you don't need to use it for very long: just long enough to detect passwords.
2sunny Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 your head is in the sand because you are afraid of what you will find. find out... you deserve to know what is nagging at you - that feeling is there for a reason. if you posted these reasons then we could tell you if there is solid evidence. you may not even need to be checking. some cheaters make it perfectly obvious to us strangers here that have an unbiased perspective. why does a person have more than one therapist?
Brandy228 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 A keylogger is out of the question. He would detect it in a heartbeat. At times I've wondered if he hasn't already beat me to it. So, I'll find the strength somehow to get to the bottom of this and just hope, hope, hope that I'm wrong. Trust me, the keylogger is INVISIBLE. It doesn't show up in any menus, task manager, NOTHING. I've had one installed on my SO's computer for about a month now, and he is completely clueless!
Brandy228 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Remember, you don't need to use it for very long: just long enough to detect passwords. And the most valuable password of them all ... the one for his online cell phone bill. I hate to sound like an infomercial, but it's completely free to try for 1 full week with no restrictions whatsoever. You can even set it up to email you the log however often you want it to. After the week, just uninstall. I have such PEACE OF MIND from that sucker, it was worth the investment It's called "All In One Keylogger"
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