hopeless4u Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Perhaps people should recognize that she is working through the stages of grief .. step one denial (read her posts from yesterday) step two, anger.. she seems like she is getting there.. I say BRAVO!! Let her rage on!!! Oh yeah FA I am raging and the more I rage the more I see things as they really are.
Fallen Angel Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Oh yeah FA I am raging and the more I rage the more I see things as they really are. Just be careful my friend that you do not let the rage tire you out. Do not invest so much into your rage that you find no time to love yourself in the process.. i say.. run yourself a warm bubble bath, pop open a bottle of your favorite wine, light some candles, and soak, all the while cussing him out in your head.. practice all the things you would like to say to him. You might even find by the time he is back, that you have raged it all out, and that you no longer need him for even that release!! At that point, you will truly be on the way to healing, when you have raged so hard for so long and no longer feel the need to say any of it to him. *MUWAH* (that is a kiss) from me to you my friend, keep your head up, your eyes ahead, and your heart where it belongs (beating in your chest, not on a silver platter for him to use and abuse) You can do this!! i have faith in you!!
Author Hazyhead Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Boxercise. Couldn't recommend it more. Work that rage to benefit you
Author Hazyhead Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Hazy, I loved reading the bolded. YOU DESERVE it!! I can tell you, during the A I was in, especially in the last months of it, I realized how utterly miserable I was MOST of the time. The only time I was happy was after seeing/hearing from him. This is part of what spurred me on to make the break. I wanted more. I finally realized with him, I wasn't going to get anymore. Sure, he made promises and heartfelt confessions of love and all that...but those were words, not actions. Even right at the end, the swore he would make a change, but it really was too late. He contacted me several times after I ended it, saying he was coming back for me (he had moved) but I didn't believe it -- even after he sent me his itinerary. It didn't move me. TOO much hurt had happened. I have no idea if he did fly here, because I told him I didn't want to see him. It hurt, I won't lie. I laid curled in a ball every day after work. I cried more tears during that time than I had in all my life. But, I grew, stronger each day, I grew more confident and eventually, I started dating and after a couple yucky dates with guys, finally met me H. LIFE goes on and love comes to you. Wait for it, demand what you deserve and don't accept anything less! Thanks FO. I feel/felt much the same, that the whole thing over the last few months has made me miserable - despite how much I love him. It exhausted my emotions and that is not a pleasant state. In two years time I want to be my own personal reason for living, not some half-arsed relationship.
pureinheart Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Nope, no fantasies about Prince Charming suddenly appearing on the scene. No Prince Charming???? SO called me Cinderella when he first met me ...little did he know I was a "real life" Cinderella, with evil stepmother and step sisters...lol Then a few years later began to call me Princess....No Jennie, there has to be a Prince Charming because I did Cinderella, so now it's time!
pureinheart Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 ... in two years time? Be honest. I thought about this today and I'd be lying if I said that I was 100% glad that the affair is over. I'd struggle in the tough moments to even find 50%, because I still love him. But, I thought - do I see myself exclusively with him in two years time? The answer i found is, no. I see myself with someone, but it's not him. It's someone who values me above all others and I do likewise to him. It's someone whom makes happy far more often than he makes me sad. That's what I want. If we all look inside, is the answer really there all the time? Do we choose not to see it because we are blinded with love and hope, or whatever it damn well is? Where do we see ourselves?...very good thought provoking question HH What is it that WE want? I'm not sure, and cannot speak for you guys, although I have to admit that most of my R with SO has revolved around him, his schedule, his M, his D....his, his, his...........not meaning any offence to the guys here, although screw that! So that in two years, my life will be better (and already is), I have to change TODAY, change my thinking, my way of doing business, my heart...now it boils down to me. The R with SO has been very one sided and until recently has it changed...that pissed SO off and he had a hard time dealing with not being the center of my world. In my case, it's time for SO to put up or shut up. You know WF, I might start going to have some drinks here and there, and like you don't give my heart away too easy...I do have to loose about 20lbs, although for just about turning 50....homegirl isn't so bad, ya know
pureinheart Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 wow....no clue where I'll be in 2 years. hopefully happy and living my life for my children and myself and not for some man. although i cant picture my life, i do picture mm's...still living the constant torture and drama from his W. she still wont be "over" the A but still just maintaining, miserable and passing the time. he'll be more unfulfilled than he's ever been. I had to laugh when I read this...and also H4U...I can guarantee you unless a miracle happens what you described MBEG is what can happen with what I have in bold. It is what was going on in SO's exM and that is why they split. They were both miserable. Most people who are M'ed do not have A's because they have nothing better to do, there is a reason....not putting blame on one party or the other, although there is a reason.
Confused4Now Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 although i cant picture my life, i do picture mm's...still living the constant torture and drama from his W. she still wont be "over" the A but still just maintaining, miserable and passing the time. he'll be more unfulfilled than he's ever been.Trust me in 2 years I wouldn't give a crap what my MW was doing. I wouldn't even think it. I mean WHY?
BlueeyedJonesy Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Most people who are M'ed do not have A's because they have nothing better to do, there is a reason....not putting blame on one party or the other, although there is a reason. There should be no blame when a person only knows one side of the story..no matter who they are.
pureinheart Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 There should be no blame when a person only knows one side of the story..no matter who they are. This statement was made to me...why???
OWoman Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Where do you see yourself...... in two years time? Be honest. Here. Doing what Im doing, only, probably... more so
Author Hazyhead Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Trust me in 2 years I wouldn't give a crap what my MW was doing. I wouldn't even think it. I mean WHY? :-) Absofreakinlutely!
silverplanets Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 My short answer is that I will be living MY life :)
skylarblue Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I absolutely have no idea in two years where my life will be. I just don’t (never have) live my life that way. I feel like I go through life like I’m reading about a character in book where I know nothing about the plot. My whole life pretty much has been with no structure, no responsibilities, no plans or direction. The only thing that I can say that is probably a given is I’ll be attached to someone (I’m always in a R) and someone(s) will be taking care of me (I’ve always been supported).
White Flower Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 There should be no blame when a person only knows one side of the story..no matter who they are. In a perfect world, but the world isn't perfect. If he does blame 'you', it still may not be your fault. There is just something missing in his life whether it be an act (something you can fix) or a pheramone (something you can't fix).
White Flower Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I absolutely have no idea in two years where my life will be. I just don’t (never have) live my life that way. I feel like I go through life like I’m reading about a character in book where I know nothing about the plot. My whole life pretty much has been with no structure, no responsibilities, no plans or direction. The only thing that I can say that is probably a given is I’ll be attached to someone (I’m always in a R) and someone(s) will be taking care of me (I’ve always been supported). In many ways I feel the same yet I've always worked and have always done the supporting. I don't think the OP meant what are we carving out for our lives even though plans can be made and executed; however, I do feel that she wanted to know what we wished for in the future in this life full of surprises. Forgive me, Hazyhead, if that was not the intended question.
Author Hazyhead Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 In many ways I feel the same yet I've always worked and have always done the supporting. I don't think the OP meant what are we carving out for our lives even though plans can be made and executed; however, I do feel that she wanted to know what we wished for in the future in this life full of surprises. Forgive me, Hazyhead, if that was not the intended question. You know, I just read this and thought 'Good point, I wonder what the OP did intend?' Then I realised that that was me (only when I got to the part where you named me. Doh)! I did think more along the lines of wishes, achievable wishes, that is. Maybe I meant a bit of both actually. Anything, I suppose, I just thought that there can sometimes be a focus on negativity or sadness in these forums and thought it would be nice if we all thought of what we want that's positive. A bit of a boost. I enjoyed reading everybodys, it's uplifting. Thanks to all, and keep them coming! Me... I want to maybe be in a position to be thinking about starting a family, if I haven't already done so.
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