Juniper22 Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 For thsoe of you who have been cheated on, what were some of the redflags that caused you to be suspicious to begin with? Was there ever a time that you thought something wasn't quite right only to be wrong? How did you find out for sure your intuition was in fact correct?
FryFish Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 My "intuition" got the better of me and I snooped. In one way it really sucked finding out that every gut feeling I had throughout the entire relationship was warranted and spot on... and in another way it was AWESOME and vindicating! I already know that Im pretty intelligent and for a short while after finding out I had the feeling of "Im NEVER wrong!"... lol
misternoname Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Cell phone always by her side turned upside down on silent...she put a passlock on it...changed her password for viewing the bill online. Created a new email address with a password different than the one she used for everything else. Staying out way past a reasonable time. I went as far as checking he last destination on her nav system in her car...it never jived with where she said she had gone. And yes...each and every suspicion I had was spot on. She lied to the bitter end until I found a way to read her text messages on the computer after she synched her phone. Still disgusts me to this day...glad she's gone for good. A bit of advice...the computer and cell phone are the easiest and least expensive way of catching a cheater. No matter how careful they are there are ways of finding out what your SO is up to. I don't advocate snooping just to be snooping but if your partner has exhibited behavior that raises suspicion I say all's fair in love and war (and cheating!). I have a clean conscious about my spying activities.
Author Juniper22 Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 If you're suspicious about someone cheating, there's a 90% chance that you're right. Trust your gut; you know what's going on, now go and get the proof. I wanted to hear a few stories from people who have actually experienced this. I don't know anything of the kind at this point.
2sunny Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 for me, my instincts were always right. believe me, when things don't make sense - it's for a reason... best to find out why it's not supposed to make sense to YOU. my gut never failed to warn me to go check... when i actually started checking after 20 years of M, everything became perfectly clear and made sense once i knew what was being hidden from me. start checking yourself if you have an idea that something is "off."
Author Juniper22 Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 Thanks 2sunny. I can't describe it really, its just a weird unsure feeling. I keep doubting or second guessing myself too.
Author Juniper22 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Ok, but your feelings are the result of something happening in the physical world. Often these 'red flags' center around cell phones, emails, texting, strange phone calls, facebook, defensive behaviors, sudden "friendships," the "need" to have time out with "friends," disappearances with bizarre explanations, frequent "business trips," dressing up more than usual, sudden interest in appearance, sudden need to diet or exercise, wearing scent suddenly, unusual sexual behaviors (ie. new "tricks"), and various forms of secretive behavior. To name just a few. Also, be advised, most affairs occur with co-workers or "friends." If you want to post some of your observations, we may be able to shed light on the situation, which - who knows? - may be benign. Thanks, I posted some of my story in addictions as well.
seibert253 Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 1. Never texted before, started texting like it was 1999. 2. Didn't know how to even turn the computer on, then started emailing and chatting to "an old friend" 3. Erased and deleted certain texts, others stayed there forever. 4. A short errand to the store would turn into a 2 or 3 hour journey, with her never answering the phone, (I must have had it on vibrate and didn't hear it) 5. Going out of the room to answer her cell phone or text. 6. Being very defensive about me getting anywhere near her cell phone. 7. The gym, ahhh the gym.
mybrowneyedgirl Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 alright now. the gym...ahh the gym. i started going to the gym during my A but it wasnt to see him! it was because of the thought of someone new seeing me naked totally freaked me out! i suddenly had a reason to work on my 6 pack! and now that the A is over...I'm still at it. the gym is my way to get away from it all.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 - He got quiet about everything else at work...EXCEPT about how great she was. - We were constantly in touch every day - IM every few hours at work, e-mail exchanges, etc. and that dropped off. - He started "going out for beers with co-workers" when he hadn't before and whenever he talked about it, it seemed like there wasn't any co-worker there besides her. - Withheld affection - fewer kisses, and no sex. He was very affectionate, so this was noticeable within just a few days. - He came home moody and silent every night. I knew within two weeks something was up and when I asked, he told me he had feelings for her. What prompted me to do it was when I vocalized all of my concerns to my nail tech (we're very close) and I saw the look on her face and realized it wasn't just me.
seibert253 Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 alright now. the gym...ahh the gym. i started going to the gym during my A but it wasnt to see him! it was because of the thought of someone new seeing me naked totally freaked me out! i suddenly had a reason to work on my 6 pack! and now that the A is over...I'm still at it. the gym is my way to get away from it all. Third best stress relief for me. I agree BEG, it is also my escape. My WW never spent as much time there as she claimed.
SleepingDog Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 -Suddenly talking about this guy -Going out with a beer with this guy 'as friends' Very agressive response when asked about this, attacking me for being unreasonable, saying it is OK for her to have male friends who are nice to her 'unlike my other friends' -Changing routines: suddenly not being in late in the evening or early in the morning (at OM's place while I was on a business trip) -Suddenly suggesting sexual positions we hadn't been using for a while - No kissing during sex - not interested in sex after not having seen her for 2 months - changing email password and refusing to share the new password (we always had done) - new CDs (gifts) - suddenly really cool and businesslike with me in correspondence via email - very subdued on the telephone (when OM was present)
SleepingDog Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 alright now. the gym...ahh the gym. i started going to the gym during my A but it wasnt to see him! it was because of the thought of someone new seeing me naked totally freaked me out! i suddenly had a reason to work on my 6 pack! and now that the A is over...I'm still at it. the gym is my way to get away from it all. I lost a lot of weight after my W's affair. I couldn't eat for weeks. This sounds like a good weight loss plan for couples
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