Cinderella7 Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I don't have any trouble being approached by guys in everyday life, but I'm not meeting the kinds of men I want to meet. Ideally, I would love to meet a genuinely nice 26-30 year old man, anywhere 5-8 on the looks scale, who's ambitious with a good career (this doesn't necessarily mean loaded, just someone who is in a field they enjoy and has goals). Instead, I often find myself approached by either college-age frat boys who just want sex or 40 year olds looking for some arm candy. Neither of which I'm interested in. In terms of what I bring to the table (just to clarify that I'm not aiming for something completely unattainable), I'm young but mature (about to turn 22, but most people assume I'm 24-25 after speaking to me), and college-educated, with a career that I really enjoy. I'm in great shape and am attractive (probably around an 8.5, 9 on a good day). I have hobbies I'm passionate about but aren't great ways to meet men (ballet and tennis, which have mostly/all women). I'm starting to wonder if I should just give up and start using Match or eHarmony to find someone. I've browsed through OkCupid and none of the profiles interest me. I've met men at work through work who have expressed interest but I'm hesitant to bring personal matters into the office, as my career and being seen as professional (particularly because I'm so young) is important to me. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas of how I can find or attract more men that match what I'm looking for? Or is it time to start online dating? Is online dating even worth it? It seems like a lot of people here say online dating is a complete & total minefield and it's mostly losers. I guess I'm just looking for advice/guidance...anything you guys can offer to help!
counterman Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I don't see why none of the other college-educated guys don't approach you. It is great that you have a passion for both tennis and ballet and I'm pretty sure there would be some guys that into tennis. I also like how you keep things are work professional. Maybe you could give eHarmony a try. I mean you will be able to filter our the losers and focus on the others. You never know if you don't try. Any experience will help you learn and you can always draw on positives from negative experiences. So, maybe give online dating a try. Also, you are pretty young, so I don't think this will be a big issue. Maybe it is the area, because I would have thought that men that fit your criteria would have approached you by now.
torranceshipman Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Lots of successful, good catches online date. A LOT. It is because they usually don't have time to meet people socially because of work, their social circle is now married off, and they aren't into hanging out in bars to try and meet someone. Do it. I did, and I am now living with the love of my life, who I met via online dating Of course there are scmucks too, but as you've found, there are schmucks who you will meet offline as well as on...
boogieboy Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Before you try online, you should try approaching the kind of guys you like. If youre too afraid to approach guys online, youre probably not going to message the guys you want online, and the guys you want wont be messaging you, thats just the way it is online.
Ms. Joolie Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas of how I can find or attract more men that match what I'm looking for? Or is it time to start online dating? Is online dating even worth it? It seems like a lot of people here say online dating is a complete & total minefield and it's mostly losers. I guess I'm just looking for advice/guidance...anything you guys can offer to help! So just to be clear.... men approach you and find you interesting enough to ask out but YOU are the one not interested? In other words, you are not having a problem getting dates but you are having a problem in regard to your interest in these men? Right? If you find all the men you meet to be uninteresting, that would be the issue. If men are approaching you but not asking you out/building the relationship you want, then that would be the issue. I just don't believe it's about 'not finding men'.
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 There's no shame in online dating. A lot of people think it's only for people who are (a) older, (b) unattractive, or © socially awkward. I signed up for OkCupid when I was 20, hot, and very socially capable. And I met an awesome guy who I am still with today (I'm 22 now). Sometimes it really is just the most efficient way to meet people. Plus, it's fun, or at least I thought so. Hint though, expend your target age range just a bit; guys in their early 30's are just as if not more attractive than guys in their late 20's and will probably be on the same level as you maturity-wise.
Ms. Joolie Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Or maybe you find all the men you meet to be f'ugly..... That's another possible issue. lol
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Hint though, expend your target age range Derr...I meant expand, obviously...
Green Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 wow 22, ballet, and a disney princess type girl... you sound like a catch. I personaly stay away from online dating but as a man I get to take a more active role in finding a gf by hitting on them where ever I want. I met the love of my life in Grad School, I thought she was beautiful so I just asked her out in class and well its been over a year now of magic. So my suggestion is if you have goals in your life that can be helped by going to grad school then go and you might meet some one in class. Oh and yeah people online are probably mostly losers but all you need to do is meet your one and you have a small chance of doing it online if you want to give it a try... keep things safe by meeting for a planned short ammount of time at a coffee place or bookstore ect.... at the end of ur planned 20 minute meeting just leave if you want to go or continue it if you like the guy.
Green Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 where do you live? I would take you out lol Do you meet her age requirements? Are you a driven person who is doing what they want in life? Most importantly are you a cool guy women find attractive?
Crazy Magnet Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I had a great time with online dating. With some pre-screening, I met very few losers. And the "losers" I met, weren't really all that loserish, they were successful career men, good sense of humor, genuine....I just never wanted to see them naked as long as I lived. I ended up with a man I think is super hot, has his life together, treats me like a princess, and who is like me in SO many awesome ways. We're that couple who says the same random thing at the same time. It's almost freaky. Yes, you get a lot of creepers, but all you have to do is delete those. It's not very hard.
EM47 Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Do you meet her age requirements? Are you a driven person who is doing what they want in life? Most importantly are you a cool guy women find attractive? yes, yes yes and i play tennis too lol no ballet for this guy though. ha
EM47 Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 ps, online dating is mostly losers, yes, but so is real life! either way you will have to weed though the losers to find someone of quality...
Green Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 ps, online dating is mostly losers, yes, but so is real life! either way you will have to weed though the losers to find someone of quality... So true, but online dating adds extra steps to weeding out the loosers and gives them places to hide.
Barky Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I'm always skeptical when a woman rates herself as a "9"... highly unlikely. And online dating is the biggest meat-market on the planet. I should know, I've been doing it for almost a decade. All the dudes in their mid- to late-20s are after the easy 40 year old cougars these days. Can't blame 'em.
Author Cinderella7 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Thanks for the advice, everyone. It's greatly appreciated. Kind of refreshing to know I'm not necessarily doing anything wrong. I'm not perfect though, I promise! I've realized that one of the reasons I don't get approached by the men I'd like to approach me is because I don't encounter them that often. I really only know people in that age range through work, which is pretty much off limits. Many of my friends in that age range are also in serious relationships or married, so they tend to hang out with people in similar situations. Most of my girlfriends are younger and closer to my age and don't know anyone that fits the criteria I'm looking for. Also, whenever I'm out and notice a guy I think is attractive, he's normally married. I do plan on going to grad school but not for another 2-3 years, so waiting for grad school to meet someone seems like a very long time. I have tried to put the word out among my older friends that I'm looking but nothing promising has come up yet. Can't help but keep trying through. I'm considering signing up for eHarmony, just to see what happens. Not sure if I'm ready to make that huge jump yet though. Thanks for your input though and hearing me vent & whine a little bit.
Green Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 To bad you're not going to Grad school this year. If you were going to medical school or MBA program I bet you'd meet a driven man. Not to hate on other majors lol. I say go ahead and put yourelf out there, don't be afraid to do things you want including e-harmony. When you meet them in real life just set a short 15 minute meet and greet at a coffee place or book store. Tell the guy you only like to meet at first for 15 min so its not awkward if it doesnt work out. Some guy will be lucky to get you.
Crazy Magnet Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Christ, don't use e-harmony. I had great success on eHarmony. Try which ever online service you feel most comfortable with.
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