Barky Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Thanks, my 20s were awful for sex. Well, my early- to mid-20s. Then I wised up, started multi-dating and online dating, and things turned around. I'm glad to hear that 40s are good. I had a feeling because the 40-somethings I date are fun as hell and super sexy. But yeah I could see the crazy part. The single moms seem to be crazier than the never-had-kids. But that might just be my experience. I don't mind crazy, though, I figure all women are. I just don't take them too seriously, make sure to date >1 woman at a time so I don't get too hooked on any one of 'em, don't see them more than once or so a week, and don't get too tangled up in their wacky lives.
D-Lish Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 The most recent deal breaker I experienced was a guy lamenting to me about missing the 6 month affair he'd been having with a married woman. Not a first date topic you should be bringing up if you want to see me again. The fact that he called me back to go out again floored me...
meerkat stew Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 The most recent deal breaker I experienced was a guy lamenting to me about missing the 6 month affair he'd been having with a married woman. Curious to hear how you respond to something like that. Pat him on the back and say "there there, it will be ok" ?
Barky Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 The most recent deal breaker I experienced was a guy lamenting to me about missing the 6 month affair he'd been having with a married woman. Not a first date topic you should be bringing up if you want to see me again. Yeah that's too much honesty right there. There are some things you should NEVER tell your girlfriends/potential girlfriends.
D-Lish Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Curious to hear how you respond to something like that. Pat him on the back and say "there there, it will be ok" ? I tried to lay out the dismal logistics of his situation- and he got super defensive at the mere hint his situation might be dire. I just clammed up and let him pay for the date- therapy services ya know? Yeah that's too much honesty right there. There are some things you should NEVER tell your girlfriends/potential girlfriends. Well, I knew from the first handshake he was sketchy, so I saw zero potential. He couldn't make eye contact- the best he could do was focus on my eye-brows. I don't know what he was thinking by calling me again- maybe I am a good therapist?
Author bac Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Fortunately I date a lot and have been able to figure out how to spot the waiters. They don't get a first date. Most of the women I date these days have sex on the first or second date. Thumbs up Barky, how do you spot the waiters before the first date? Any signs of it in their emails?
Author bac Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Oh, and if, before we've slept together, the woman says or implies that I'm not going to be getting any anytime soon but that she's "worth the wait," I'm out the door. Last year I went out with 3 different women who said something like that: "Trust me, it'll be worth the wait." All three I dumped after that date, and let 'em know exactly why. That's just BS as far as I'm concerned. I don't wait, period. What is the rationale that you do not want to wait a few dates? Is it that : 1. All girls are the same for you when it comes to sex. 2. You think that she does not want you for sex. Kind of afraid of rejection. 3. You think that she wants a serious relationship with a guy. Kind of afraid of drama. 4. You think that she does not want sex because she is not into sex too much. Kind of afraid that she would sucks at sex.
Joe Normal Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Dealbreakers: No kiss on first date No making out on second date No sex by third date Any red flags at any time
Crazy Magnet Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I guess if a guy thinks he will be sleeping with me while we are both multi dating, it's a deal breaker. I run an STD free zone. No wanky willies for me.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I guess if a guy thinks he will be sleeping with me while we are both multi dating, it's a deal breaker. I run an STD free zone. No wanky willies for me. Same here. I never sleep with a guy until we are officially a couple (which could take months). I am astounded by the guys here saying they sleep with girls on the third date or they dump her. I wonder if many of them are just lying and in reality have never had sex (and live in their parents basement).
Author bac Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 Same here. I never sleep with a guy until we are officially a couple (which could take months). I am astounded by the guys here saying they sleep with girls on the third date or they dump her. I wonder if many of them are just lying and in reality have never had sex (and live in their parents basement). All men on dating sites, who I asked about it, stated to me that it is a piece of cake to meet a woman for sex on 1-2 dates. I have troubles to believe that it could be so easy but men know better.
meerkat stew Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 All men on dating sites, who I asked about it, stated to me that it is a piece of cake to meet a woman for sex on 1-2 dates. I have troubles to believe that it could be so easy but men know better. It truly is that easy, and as for reasons why, I believe that meeting someone online creates certain artificial familiarity. We get to read an ad about a person, see some pictures, and -seemingly- know more about them than some couples learn about each other over months of dating. Combine that with the false intimacy that Email and text can provide, and you have an environment where people feel more familiar with someone than they really are. One of the PUA techniques is to meet a strange woman and then get her to go several places with you right then, which breeds a false sense of familiarity, making her more comfortable and amenable to intimacy, as she feels she knows you. There is validity to this, and it also ties in with familiarity built online. After a couple of experiences of having early sex from online dates, and nothing goes KABOOM, the skies don't collapse, women who normally wait become more comfortable and assertive. So there is a snowball effect also. Women who aren't seeking a father for children seem to get comfortable with just seeking fun companionship and physical pleasure as it comes. Many of us doing online dating have all but given up on "lifetime soulmates" and have learned to be happy with shorter relationships, despite being open to longer.
FryFish Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 That "several places" technique is something I learned... online... what does PUA stand for? I dont really have rules for kissing/sex as far as dating goes but I tend to have sex with chicks within a week. A deal breaker for me is if she takes non emergency phone calls and texts while we are out together. Another deal breaker is if I detect even one meaningful lie in the first few dates... I will still go out and have sex with her but I move on emotionally straight away.
meerkat stew Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Pick Up Artist. I use PUA instead of "player" because I think player is an offensive, sexist term like slut or hoochie.
FryFish Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Pick Up Artist. I use PUA instead of "player" because I think player is an offensive, sexist term like slut or hoochie. ah thank you. Yes I study in the ways of the PUA... The only reason I wouldnt call myself a player is because I dont feel that I am THAT GOOD yet. Im more like a pick up journeyman. Dont take this the wrong way but from what little I have seen from you on here you come off as a total alpha.
meerkat stew Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Dont take this the wrong way but from what little I have seen from you on here you come off as a total alpha. No offense taken, but the terms "alpha" and "beta" aren't two of my favorites either. Those terms come from pack animals without the ability for rational thought, and so are "reverse anthropomorphizing" when applied to human beings. Those terms are also subtly sexist in "animalizing" men, conveniently compartmentalizing men as slaves to our sexuality. None of my traits that could be called "alpha" ever got me any success with women, good ones anyway. Conquering my sexuality as an imperative that weakens me, that rules me, and mastering it instead as a tool, OTOH, has made all the difference. When men are controlled and enslaved by our sexuality, we are weak, ineffective and ashamed. Every slave is full of shame whether he realizes it or not. Women respond more to a master (of self, not her) than a slave. And no, I'm not particularly into S&M or Dom/sub, just working an analogy
xXMarlboro_ManXx Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 It bothers me when they mention something that they shouldn't have or shouldn't be proud of. For example the last girl I went out on a date was talking about how she always gets into fights with the other teams at sporting events (like arguments and people get throw out). While she was telling me this I was thinking why is she telling me this? this is not something to be proud of. For the most part it wouldn't bother me but the way she was saying it sounded like she was legitimately proud of it.
Chicago_Guy Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 (edited) All men on dating sites, who I asked about it, stated to me that it is a piece of cake to meet a woman for sex on 1-2 dates. I have troubles to believe that it could be so easy but men know better. A woman who is friends with the wife of one of my friends does this. She's 36 or 37 and sleeps with lots of guys she meets online on the first or second date and then they almost always stop calling/asking her out afterward. She's really bitter now because she supposedly wants to get married and have kids and she is apparently under the delusion that her promiscuous behavior will help her find a good man to marry. She has a really crappy and negative personality, so might have such low self-esteem that she thinks that she has to sleep with all of those guys or they won't want to date her in the first place. Edited February 4, 2010 by Chicago_Guy
FryFish Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 (edited) Those terms come from pack animals without the ability for rational thought, and so are "reverse anthropomorphizing" when applied to human beings. Actually most pack animals display remarkable amounts of what can be called rational thinking. conveniently compartmentalizing men as slaves to our sexuality.There is nothing really convenient about it... But it has its rewards. None of my traits that could be called "alpha" ever got me any success with women, good ones anyway.I dont think you are aware of the traits that are actually alpha. Being alpha doesnt always mean being the biggest, loudest and most badass you know. Conquering my sexuality as an imperative that weakens me, that rules me, and mastering it instead as a tool, OTOH, has made all the difference. This sentence is totally alpha. When men are controlled and enslaved by our sexuality, we are weak, ineffective and ashamed.I would not say I am a slave to it but I certainly listen when it talks. More like partners in crime. I would not feel true to myself if I felt bad about my sex drive or tried to ignore it. And I cant be alpha without being true to myself. Every slave is full of shame whether he realizes it or not. Women respond more to a master (of self, not her) than a slave. Dude, seriously... You might not like the terms but you live it for sure. One thing that throws me though is that you seem to be ashamed of it... Or maybe just playing it cool. Perhaps Ill find out with more experience. Edited February 4, 2010 by FryFish
meerkat stew Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I would not say I am a slave to it but I certainly listen when it talks. haha touche' we all listen, it's what we do with what we hear that determines our level of enslavement. One thing that throws me though is that you seem to be ashamed of it... Or maybe just playing it cool. Perhaps Ill find out with more experience. Not ashamed, just think the term inapt for humans. Don't want to get into a pack animal behavior debate, but allow me to rephrase "rational thought" to "self-conscious rational thought" something no one who has ever seen a dog look in a mirror can claim dogs or other animals possess The concepts of estrus, mating displays, other animal mating habits, etc., they resemble what humans do, but are not the same. Again, to pull out the three dollar word, applying animal behavior to human mating patterns is IMO a reverse anthropomorphizing mistake.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 (edited) All men on dating sites, who I asked about it, stated to me that it is a piece of cake to meet a woman for sex on 1-2 dates. I have troubles to believe that it could be so easy but men know better. That's truly scary but I know other women who've met guys on dating sites and they had the same problem. I remember a coworker (who was dating online) told me of all the guys who were getting handsy on the first date. That's one reason why I am reluctant to date online. If many women are doing this with guys they hardly know then many guys are thinking all women online are this easy. Then they don't even try to woo women. I'm reading all these comments here about women who sleep with the guys because they have a false intimacy and it's sad. Women like this won't marry guys doing this. Edited February 4, 2010 by greatgirlfriend
meerkat stew Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I'm reading all these comments here about women who sleep with the guys because they have a false intimacy and it's sad. Women like this won't marry guys doing this. Look, I'm not "hypmotizing" them into some false intimacy state, just explaining how it happens naturally. And who says we (they) all want to get married? Lots of women don't these days. I've gone out with a woman 10 times before sex from the net, early sex can happen, and for some of us, it's not a requirement, far from it. There has only been once early in my net dating when I had sex early (first date) and didn't ask the women out on more dates. That one was a total nut, and you wouldn't have dated her again either. She came to my place and had her clothes off before she got all the way down the hall. Accused me of "breaking up with her" when I didn't call her on the Monday after the date. Called me a "commitmentphobe" when I said I didn't want to date her again. Other than that, have dated them all further.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Look, I'm not "hypmotizing" them into some false intimacy state, just explaining how it happens naturally. And who says we (they) all want to get married? Lots of women don't these days. I've gone out with a woman 10 times before sex from the net, early sex can happen, and for some of us, it's not a requirement, far from it. There has only been once early in my net dating when I had sex early (first date) and didn't ask the women out on more dates. That one was a total nut, and you wouldn't have dated her again either. She came to my place and had her clothes off before she got all the way down the hall. Accused me of "breaking up with her" when I didn't call her on the Monday after the date. Called me a "commitmentphobe" when I said I didn't want to date her again. Other than that, have dated them all further. I didn't say you were doing it, but it's just sad. No, not all women want marriage or serious relationships, but many do, and if one sees the online dating ads on tv they show all the marriages. Many women think having sex early means a relationship and that's not true all the time (sometimes it is). I do know there are many people who use the net just for sex (Craigslist is example of this) but I just think it's dangerous on the first date. Not just STDs or pregnancy, but safety. Someone could be a serial killer or rapist. Unless one meets someone in person online can be deceiving.
meerkat stew Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 No, not all women want marriage or serious relationships, but many do, and if one sees the online dating ads on tv they show all the marriages. If it's any consolation, I started out online dating wanting to get married, just got put off the idea by all the ones who supernovate at about three months. I know if I ever settle on one, she's likely to put off her supernovation until we are hitched, and that scares me.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 If it's any consolation, I started out online dating wanting to get married, just got put off the idea by all the ones who supernovate at about three months. I know if I ever settle on one, she's likely to put off her supernovation until we are hitched, and that scares me. I'm not sure what you mean. Do you mean she shows you her true side after three months? I know when I was younger the 3 month mark was a serious milestone. Now, I'd say 6 months to a year.
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