bac Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Men, what are the deal breakers for casual dating? What is the latest date for the first kiss and the first sex? For example, if a casual girl does not do the first kiss on the 3d date, it is a deal breaker. For example, if a casual girl does not have intercourse with a man on the 6th date, it is a deal breaker.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Depends on the kiss. I kiss the guy I am seeing right away. As for sex he wants to wait a few months so the relationship is serious.
Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Men, what are the deal breakers for casual dating? What is the latest date for the first kiss and the first sex? For example, if a casual girl does not do the first kiss on the 3d date, it is a deal breaker. For example, if a casual girl does not have intercourse with a man on the 6th date, it is a deal breaker. Flakiness. I HATE flakiness, even if it's casual. I've developed somewhat of a zero-tolerance policy for flakes. Even if a girl is just dating casually, if she ghosts on a date or calls to reschedule last minute, she's done for.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 What is "casual" dating? Dating with zero commitment to each other?
meerkat stew Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 45 y.o. man: If a woman is not kissing me by the end of the third date, or at least showing very strong buying signals, I won't ask her out again. I have no firm expectation of sex on any particular date. 4/5 of my first dates these days involve actual making out, not just a kiss goodnight. If there is no making out by the end of the third date, in all likelihood, she is not attracted to me. 4/5 of my 2-4 dates these days involve sex. I will generally not have sex on a first date, and have nexted women for wanting sex that fast if I see other red flags. Thinking of cutting sex out on the second date also, as the ones who want sex on dates 1-2 tend to be more trouble than the sex is worth, and degenerate at light speed into stalker prospects. I date mostly professional women 35-47, but have dated younger fairly recently also.
Author bac Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 What is "casual" dating? Dating with zero commitment to each other? I guess 'casual' means FWBs. In other words, dating which is mostly for sex with NSA.
phineas Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Flakiness. I HATE flakiness, even if it's casual. I've developed somewhat of a zero-tolerance policy for flakes. Even if a girl is just dating casually, if she ghosts on a date or calls to reschedule last minute, she's done for. I'll 2nd this. I'll also add sex doesn't even come into the equasion if it's casual dateing. If it happens great. If not, well I can't blame a woman for not sleeping with me if were not moving towards a serious relationship. Especially if I may be sleeping with someone else.
Author bac Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 I will generally not have sex on a first date, and have nexted women for wanting sex that fast if I see other red flags. Thinking of cutting sex out on the second date also, as the ones who want sex on dates 1-2 tend to be more trouble than the sex is worth, and degenerate at light speed into stalker prospects./QUOTE] What kind of troubles can a man experience with girls who want sex on dates 1-2? What kind of girls are they? How many women do you date casually at the same time?
sally4sara Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I thought casual dating meant that there were no rules or guidelines other than the ones that an individual decide works best for them. Nothing really set in stone anything.
meerkat stew Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 What kind of troubles can a man experience with girls who want sex on dates 1-2? What kind of girls are they? How many women do you date casually at the same time? Stalky, crazy behavior trouble, constant contact and freaking out if you don't respond, expectation of an instant relationship, higher chance of STDs, higher chance of PDs. I have dated 4 at the same time casually. I don't have sex while multidating. When I find one I could see exclusivity with, I cut the others loose and sleep with just that one.
phineas Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Stalky, crazy behavior trouble, constant contact and freaking out if you don't respond, expectation of an instant relationship, higher chance of STDs, higher chance of PDs. I have dated 4 at the same time casually. I don't have sex while multidating. When I find one I could see exclusivity with, I cut the others loose and sleep with just that one. do all women know you are multi-dating & your rules about sleeping with them? Just curious.
Author bac Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 I do not have sex while multidating. When I find one I could see exclusivity with, I cut the others loose and sleep with just that one. WHY? I think that most guys would have sex with several girls at least during the first months of casual dating.
Barky Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 This is just me, but if we're not making out by the second date, it's off. If no sex by the third date, it's off. It's an overall vibe for me, mostly. Fortunately I date a lot and have been able to figure out how to spot the waiters. They don't get a first date. Most of the women I date these days have sex on the first or second date. Thumbs up Oh, and if, before we've slept together, the woman says or implies that I'm not going to be getting any anytime soon but that she's "worth the wait," I'm out the door. Last year I went out with 3 different women who said something like that: "Trust me, it'll be worth the wait." All three I dumped after that date, and let 'em know exactly why. That's just BS as far as I'm concerned. I don't wait, period. One girl told me at our second dinner that sex to her was "sacred." I got pissed, told her off, and was getting ready to walk out. She stopped me and we ended up having sex in my car after dinner. So much for "sacred." :\
Author bac Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Stew writes that the girls who do sex on the first dates give a guy the problems "Stalky, crazy behavior trouble, constant contact and freaking out if you don't respond, expectation of an instant relationship, higher chance of STDs, higher chance of PDs." Do you have the same problems or any problems with this kind of girls?
Tinker Bell Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Men, what are the deal breakers for casual dating? What is the latest date for the first kiss and the first sex? For example, if a casual girl does not do the first kiss on the 3d date, it is a deal breaker. For example, if a casual girl does not have intercourse with a man on the 6th date, it is a deal breaker. Are you serious? These are dealbreakers? What if you meet someone great who is more reserved and does not want to kiss or have sex too early, but could be a great match? I kiss and have sex with someone, when it feels right, not because some people believe there are rules. I think that is immature and if a guy doesn't call because I did not kiss him on the third date, well then screw him.
A_guy Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Yea, I kinda feel certain rules are kind of weird. The whole having sex by the 3rd date is weird to me. However, I do understand the premise behind the rule so that if you haven't become intimate by around the third date, in one way or another, then you know there is sort of no point.
meerkat stew Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 do all women know you are multi-dating & your rules about sleeping with them? Just curious. Since I do most dating on the internet due to living in a "candidate challenged" outer metro suburb, I assume we are both seeing others from the dating site. But no, I don't tell them specifically that I am dating others. Nor do I ask them if they are. I don't have many rigid rules, if I said I did earlier, I misspoke. More preferences than rules. It just seems to work out that way. There is usually a front-runner and once I start sleeping with her, I stop asking the others out. If we have dated 3 or more times, I will let them know I am moving towards exclusivity with someone else. WHY? I think that most guys would have sex with several girls at least during the first months of casual dating. Remember, I'm 45, have tried sleeping with 2-3 women dated at the same time in the past, and I'm worn out and frazzled by it. I like sex 3-5 times a week with a woman who is good at it and enjoys it, too much more sex and it all starts to run together. For me, too much sex is like eating too much steak or pizza, eat it every day and night and it loses something, just my personal feeling. People are different. Very much more into quality over quantity these days. Finally, I think early sex can interfere with getting to know other aspects of someone. Sexual compatibility has always been very easy for me, emotional, spiritual and mental compatibility harder. Sex can hide basic incompatibilities that will mess things up down the road a piece.
Barky Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Stew writes that the girls who do sex on the first dates give a guy the problems "Stalky, crazy behavior trouble, constant contact and freaking out if you don't respond, expectation of an instant relationship, higher chance of STDs, higher chance of PDs." Do you have the same problems or any problems with this kind of girls? I'd say that adequately describes ALL women But to answer your question, no, the early-sex women have no higher rate of abnormality or pathology than others. At least in my experience.
Author bac Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Are you serious? These are dealbreakers? What if you meet someone great who is more reserved and does not want to kiss or have sex too early, but could be a great match? I kiss and have sex with someone, when it feels right, not because some people believe there are rules. I think that is immature and if a guy doesn't call because I did not kiss him on the third date, well then screw him. When you say so, I am with you 100%. I feel the same way because I am a female. But, males' brains can not understand the way we think. Their brains can understand only simple/single signals and able to interpret them into simple/single ideas. For example, no kiss on 2-3 dates, can be interpreted by girls in many different ways. But, males' brains interpret it in one simple way. In other words, by males' brains, if she does not kiss him on the 2-3 dates, she does not like him at all. Then, he makes a logical decision that he would not contact the girl any more because it is hopeless for him.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 This is just me, but if we're not making out by the second date, it's off. If no sex by the third date, it's off. It's an overall vibe for me, mostly. Fortunately I date a lot and have been able to figure out how to spot the waiters. They don't get a first date. Most of the women I date these days have sex on the first or second date. Thumbs up Oh, and if, before we've slept together, the woman says or implies that I'm not going to be getting any anytime soon but that she's "worth the wait," I'm out the door. Last year I went out with 3 different women who said something like that: "Trust me, it'll be worth the wait." All three I dumped after that date, and let 'em know exactly why. That's just BS as far as I'm concerned. I don't wait, period. One girl told me at our second dinner that sex to her was "sacred." I got pissed, told her off, and was getting ready to walk out. She stopped me and we ended up having sex in my car after dinner. So much for "sacred." :\ You're just a charmer. So, what STDs do you have and how many kids are you neglecting?
meerkat stew Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Look, I'm older, 45. Women I date are 35-47. They have all been around the block lots, as have I. Don't take anything I say about what dating is like at my age as determinative of what guys expect at your age. I'm no ageist who discounts people's opinions due to youth, but there are differences in expectations and inhibitions once people move past childbearing age.
DiscoChick Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I don't do kissing...I'm afraid of sores in the mouth. I know I ask for too much, but please go get tested at a health center and carry your papers with you. Thanks. And I have no plans of screwing a guy I'm not in a LTR with. No sex before I feel like we're connected...and I know he's STD free. That connection could take years.
Tinker Bell Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I don't do kissing...I'm afraid of sores in the mouth. I know I ask for too much, but please go get tested at a health center and carry your papers with you. Thanks. And I have no plans of screwing a guy I'm not in a LTR with. No sex before I feel like we're connected...and I know he's STD free. That connection could take years. That is such a smart and actually pure thing to say, but you are probably missing out on so many chances and maybe great relationships. You have to take risks in life. It's like saying 'I won't leave my house because I am afraid of getting hit by a car'. But I totally respect your opinion and if it works for you, well that's perfect.
Barky Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Look, I'm older, 45. Women I date are 35-47. They have all been around the block lots, as have I. Don't take anything I say about what dating is like at my age as determinative of what guys expect at your age. I'm no ageist who discounts people's opinions due to youth, but there are differences in expectations and inhibitions once people move past childbearing age. Meerkat, I would like to know more about your dating experiences. Some day I will be in your position and would like the insight of what I have to look forward to. In my mid-30s I date a lot of cougars who are easy; however, the ones my age are looking for the marriage thing. Does this change or what when you're in your 40s? How are things the same/different? thx!
meerkat stew Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Meerkat, I would like to know more about your dating experiences. Some day I will be in your position and would like the insight of what I have to look forward to. In my mid-30s I date a lot of cougars who are easy; however, the ones my age are looking for the marriage thing. Does this change or what when you're in your 40s? How are things the same/different? thx! 40s has been far and away the best sex decade for me. The women I have dated still look great, the best looking I've ever dated actually. They are sexually assertive, most are post menopausal so no pregnancy worries. Once you show them a clean STD test, no condom worries. Many don't want marriage. Most I have dated have no children, and the ones who do have children have teens, so they don't have to be watched constantly. Most of them also happen to be crazy as sh*thouse rats, bats in the belfry, loonie toon, outerspace level crazy, worse than teenagers or early 20s women IME. This too can be fun, until you get reamed out heart and soul by personality disordered women, then you learn to avoid that kind of fun. My 30s sucked in the sex dept. due to going back to school and then working too much. Glad you are having a good go in your 30s.
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