shelle69 Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I have been with the love of my life for 15 years. things were going south so we agreed to a trial separation. I suggested it, thinking that he would realize how much we really love each other and that we really need to work it our relationship. We both moved out of the the house in September. Long story short he got a gf in December. Things have gone horribly wrong. I am so depressed that I cannot deal with losing him. My therapist has me on contract after a failed suicide attempt, so I have someone spending 24 hours a day with me. It was either that or hospitalization. I don't know how to get over him, even thinking about the things that made us separate doesn't even matter. It isn't that he has a gf, I am still very much in love with him, love him and cannot get him out of my head. I don't know what to do, say, or anything at all. I just want to sleep and not wake up. How do you grieve for someone still alive and get over it?
MissHerALot Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I don't have any answers for you. I'm only writing because I read your post and my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you feel this way. Can I ask if you are on anti depressants? If yes when did you start to take them?
Outcast Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 You realize that if he got himself a gf, then he's a schmuck who doesn't deserve you. I'm sure he has many good qualities but even taken all together, they don't make up for his heartless behaviour. And only a schmuck would do that to someone who loved him. Realize he doesn't deserve you and that you deserve much better.
HeavenOrHell Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 My heart goes out to you hun, I started a thread the other day about maybe it's sometimes easier if your partner has died rather than left you, like you said how do we grieve for them when they are still alive. Mine left me 6 months ago (18 months together), I still love him. I don't have any answers as I am really struggling too, but I am trying to tell myself that things will get better and hang onto that hope, keep busy and see your friends/family, don't keep it bottled up. You're not alone in how you feel. Keep posting
Meaplus3 Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 (edited) I have been with the love of my life for 15 years. things were going south so we agreed to a trial separation. I suggested it, thinking that he would realize how much we really love each other and that we really need to work it our relationship. We both moved out of the the house in September. Long story short he got a gf in December. Things have gone horribly wrong. I am so depressed that I cannot deal with losing him. My therapist has me on contract after a failed suicide attempt, so I have someone spending 24 hours a day with me. It was either that or hospitalization. I don't know how to get over him, even thinking about the things that made us separate doesn't even matter. It isn't that he has a gf, I am still very much in love with him, love him and cannot get him out of my head. I don't know what to do, say, or anything at all. I just want to sleep and not wake up. How do you grieve for someone still alive and get over it? Well first of all suicide is NOT the answer! Your most likely very depressed over this.. and seeking therapy as you are is a great step to learning how to deal with this loss. I can tell you that things take time. It's very natural to become very upset over the loss of someone who was very dear to you. But, in order to move forward you need to be able to put things into perspective. See what was toxic in the R and why it did not work. Try to focus on just you and improving yourself. You can do this.. and will come out of it just fine. Time is a GREAT healer. Just hang in there. Post, vent and even cray if you must.. let those feelings out. My best to you. Mea:) Edited February 1, 2010 by Meaplus3
hopesndreams Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 What were the reasons for a trial separation? Are you still in contact with him and how much? Committing suicide is the most selfish thing you can do. The way you feel now is the way those that love you will feel. cannot get him out of my head. I won't lie to you. You won't get him out of your head anytime soon. It's only been a few months for you. It's been almost a year for me, losing my H to a MOW. I still dream about him, can reach out and touch him, the dreams are powerful. My waking hours were once consumed with the things we did together, our past conversations, wondering what he was doing, the ache in my heart was so strong. It is not that way for me anymore. Now it's just passing thoughts, the sadness still lingers but I am coping. I'm looking forward to the day, living for the day, he no longer enters into my thoughts. It will happen. Do you have children/pets/parents? During those darkest of times, think of them, and if you are still in contact with him, please stop. You don't want to hear what is going on in his life. Deal with your past hurts but do not allow more fresh new hurts to be heaped upon you. It will be the quickest and the only way to get him out of your head, for good.
Howitzer Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 (edited) Shelle69, I was once in your position too. Suicidal to the point that my therapist required me to take a hospital stay. While I was there, I was absolutely wrecked, with no sense of hope for myself. People just kept telling me that I would get over this, and that things would get better, but I found it so hard to believe them. I forced myself to think positively, even though I absolutely had no will to do so. I told myself that things would get better, and that the ****tiness I felt was just something that I had to get past. Eventually, things got better. I'm still not where I want to be, but life is much more worth living now. I feel a bit aimless professionally, but I have things to live for. I want to feel love and be loved again. I want to experience the joys that I felt for the past six years again. And it'll come. Edited February 1, 2010 by Howitzer typo
GrayClouds Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 How do you grieve for someone still alive and get over it? You grieve the lost of the relationship not the person. As you do start focusing on thanks that matter to you and will help you. It is all about keeping your thought on the most important person to you; yourself. From here on out it is not about lossing them but finding yourself. Take time everyday to write with pen and paper all your feeling, do not edit or worry about spelling and grammar, just write it out. Everyday get some kind of physical activity for a least 1/2 hour or more, more the better. Everyday Force yourself to eat well, good, healthy food and do it constantly. Everyday do at list one thing that you enjoy doing, even if your not enjoying it now, force yourself. Everyday talk with those who care for you, vent, whine, can cry get it out but then force yourself not to stay there (do something from above). If you not on some meds, talk to your Dr. about seriously looking in to it. If you do the above, it will get easier but you really have to put the effort in. Good luck, be kind to yourself, and keep posting.
angelaM Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Hi shelle, I feel the same way, my fiance left me in October and I am having a hard time facing each day. Sometimes I think it would be easier if he had just died, I know that sounds horrible, but how can you just leave someone you promised to love forever? I am so sorry for what you are going through. The only thing that helps me is trying to keep taking it one day at a time, sometimes by the end of the day I'm just so grateful that it's over and I can crawl into bed and turn out the lights. I hope you feel better soon.
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