mprettyshoes120 Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I love my boyfriend, but what keeps me from getting all googly eyed with him is the fact that sometimes he seems so rigid. I know he loves with or at least cares for me a lot, but the topic of true love is always avoided. The purpose of dating is to find someone right for you that you could potentially be with. So if he tells me he loves me, but he cant stare me in the eyes and says hes in love with me yet..does that mean itll never haappen? His question to me was when does it happen, something i obviously couldnt answer. So i asked him, if its not being in love with me that keeps you with me, what is it then because i doubt you think your doing me a favor..(weve been fighting a lot lately, thats how this conversation came about)..whats right, whats wrong?..we meet at 20 and didnt try making a serious commitment till now that were 24. i dont know if i can see us being together forever, but i know i cant see myself without him at all. Is there any hope that one day he will be "in" love with me?
Kristine Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Love at first sight is real. I've learned in my 35 years, with two marriages, that you either love the person or you don't. I loved the first, he didn't love me, I didn't love the 2nd, he loved me, now I'm in love and he says he loves me too but we'll just have to see what develops.
norajane Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 He isn't going to fall in love with you now if he's never been in love with you during the past 4 years. Generally, falling in love - that infatuation stage where you think rainbows come out of his/her butt - happens at some point in the beginning of the relationship, during the first year or first few months. You can sometimes fall out of love and get that back, but if it's never been there in 4 years? No, it's not likely to happen. He knows you too well to suddenly see you as his sunshine.
DiscoChick Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I'm like a turtle when it comes to emotions. I'm slow to come out, and I have a hard exterior. I do not think I have ever fallen "in love" with a man before I was sure...positive I could trust him, and I get comfortable enough around him. I'm not the easiest person to be around, so I have to be sure before I even start going in that direction. The length of time depends on how much time I spend with the guy. It's different for most people.
pandagirl Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I don't think there are any rules to "falling in love." It's individual to each person. I have definitely felt the emotions of falling in love -- the infatuation, weak in the knees, feeling on cloud 9. But those emotions also faded. It wasn't until after I realized there was nothing substantial behind those feelings. For me, I cannot fall in love without trust -- and that takes a certain amount of time. I know several of my now married girlfriends did not "fall in love" until much later (a year) into their relationships. I'm not prone to giddiness. It's just not in my personality. I prefer the slow burn of love to the rush of it.
Zeegagge Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I hear what everybody's saying about people do it at different times and there are no rules, but still 4 years is a looooong time. Sounds like he's at the very least comfortable with you, that's probably why he's still around. I definitely think he should love you by now. Question for you, have you ever given him any reason to put a guard up? Has something in his past given him reason to be guarded?
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Wow. 4 years and he says he's not in love, yet? It's not going to happen. People all develop it at different times. But I think 4 years is way more than enough time to know if you love somebody.
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Yeah I'm sorry but if he doesn't love you after 4 years (and I don't believe that you can truly love someone and not tell them) it's probably just not happening. I would move on.
Author mprettyshoes120 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Yeah I'm sorry but if he doesn't love you after 4 years (and I don't believe that you can truly love someone and not tell them) it's probably just not happening. I would move on. NO, no no no i didnt mention something...We met four years ago....and have only flirted that long..texting, calling, trying to "bump" into each other when we go out...but it wasnt until after he went away for a year and came back that he told me hes always wanted us to be together, and so since then we have...and this was six months ago
Author mprettyshoes120 Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 We havent been together for four years..only six months..we met four years ago and that when interest sparked, but we nvr did anything about it till he came back from working away...and being with each other was his idea...so really i dont think theres anything Ive done to put his gaurd up..but he is a very hispanic traditional sort of guy, with a lot of family values, and a LOT of pride.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Falling in love takes months. By this I don't mean lust, I mean actual love. Sometimes though you know right away it could happen. I think though that you need chemistry from the beginning and sometimes that's hidden. The guy I am currently dating I had chemistry with from the moment I saw him again (but we had been friends in the past).
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