Girlfriend Troubles Thanks

[joshrw6969]

Hey, so I've been dating this girl for about two months now, and everything has been fine. We are both 16. We also see eachother everyday at school, but it's really weird cuz sometimes, even if we see eachother, we don't immediately initiate contact, as she is always with her friends. A little later, after I initiate contact, everything seems to be fine, like we kiss and everything but she doesn't want to "make out" in front of her friends, even though we do it sometimes in public. Anways... That's how it's going so far.

 

Also... It seems like she doesn't initiate a lot of things. Like I have to call her or text her most of the time, and the same goes for school. It's not like she never initiates, but just not enough. It seems like she appreciates her friends more than me.

 

Anyway. So my girl and I made plans last week, but she cancelled cuz her parents were really pissy cuz she had ppl over for the whole week. But it seems like she's not really trying to fight for me, like I fight for her. She tells me that she wants to hang out really bad, and stuff like that, and that she loves me, but how come she never initiates anything, and hangs out more with her friends than me? I mean.. I give her a lot of friend time at school, and we still remain pretty physical with eachother (kissing, holding hands), but my gut instinct feels like she wants something else than me. Like I'm not enough.

 

We talk almost every day, on the phone, on text, on IMs, and sometimes they are suppper long like 1-2 hours, but just the whole situation really bothers me. There's also sometimes some awkward silences, but I acknowledge them that they are normal, but still... they bother me too. She's also really busy with extracurriculars and only has time 1-2 times a week to actually hang out after school.

 

She's an adorable girl, and I love her to death, but sometimes it feels like she doesn't show a lot of affection towards me, unlike most of her "girlfriends." I dont know what to do. Please advise.

 

Btw also.. after she says she'll call back. or she'll call later/at night, w.e. she always ends up saying that she was super tired, and that she'll call back tomorrow. sometimes, she doesnt even call back tomororw, and I have to initiate yet again. this doesnt apply for her friends. like what do i do.

 

When I do come up to her, and show her how much I love her, like holding her in front of her friends, kissing her on the forehead. Her bestfriend always laughs and sometimes gives her the look, which makes it awkward sometimes. But she tells me she likes it, and she grabs my hand and w.e.

 

Sometimes, when things get like that. I usually don't talk to her, and then after school, she usually comes to me. We always give goodbye kisses, but sometimes it feels like they dont mean anything. Its kinda an empty feeling. I dont know how to explain it.

 

However, these are the issues

 

a.) She sometimes cancels plans, and this is due to several reasons: school work, parents, being too tired to call, doing something else, busy.

b.) Sometimes. She says she'll call back later, keyword: later, but sometimes never does it. I can also see her sometimes talkin with her friends, which she might "value" more than me.

c.) When I give her friend space, she never actually comes to me, and I always have to initiate contact. (Excluding afterschool.)

d.) Seems like her bestfriend doesn't like me too much.

e.) Convos sometimes get really dull, but I still love hearing her voice, and just simply talking to her. Maybe im just not an interesting guy.

f.) Sometimes, she doesnt wait for me after class, and just leaves. Or i have to rush sometimes, which kinda irritates me.

g.) Feels like she doesn't sacrifice stuff in her life for me, like I sacrifice for her. I sometimes cancel my plans, be late for class just to c her and talk, but sometimes, she doesn't do that for me.

h.) I got her a necklace, but sometimes, she doesn't wear it at school. Most of the time though. But when she isn't, it sometimes kinda makes me think "what the heck?" One time I asked her, and she said she was wearing it the whole time, but I didn't see. Or am i just being overdramatic..?

 

Despite all these facts. I love her so much, but it feels like she's not as happy with me anymore. I want the best for her, and I dont know what to do. Should I give her liberty, or should we just keep going.

 

However these are the positive elements in our relationship:

 

a.) We talk and c each other most of the week.

b.) If we don't c eachother, we usually talk or text.

c.) We have a physical relationship and seems like she likes it? - Holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc.

d.) We tell eachother everything, and she is really honest with me - sex life

e.) She WANTS to hang out, and this time, she actually initiates things to do.

f.) She tells me she loves me. But I'm not sure if she actually does.

[sagetalk]

Here's something I posted on another thread, it applies to you as well. You are showing way too much emotion, and she's backing off. Let her be the one showing the emotion first, then show it back. It works much better that way. Read on.

 

-------------------------------------

 

A women's two major weaknesses are the following (remember them well):

 

1. Pride

2. Their emotions

 

You must learn to use these weaknesses to your advantages rather than disadvantage. Let me give you an example of their weakness of pride.

 

Have you ever heard the saying, "women are never wrong they just change their mind"? Well, that is usually true. Women will almost never admit they are wrong. This is pride, simple and straight forward. So how can you use this to your advantage? Think. If women never want to admit that they are wrong, then, if it is their decision to start a relationship with you, is it not more likely that you will be in control since they would have to admit they were wrong if they broke up with you? If you don't get that, read it again slowly. When women start the relationship, they have to admit they are wrong if they want to break it off with you. Do you see that? I hope you do.

 

This does not mean that she pursues you first, no. Go after her first, boldly. But she must be the one that initiates the talk of a committed relationship. Until she starts talking about it with you, go very slow and never mention it to her. Though you are a nice guy, if you do this, it will keep you from getting dumped frequently. The bad part is, you will have to be the one doing the dumping and that isn't all that great either.

 

The second weakness is their emotions. Do not ever abuse a woman's emotions, ever. It may work, it may get her in bed with you, but you will never be truly happy living the life of a women abuser. With that said, here are my thoughts.

 

When you are arguing, pursuing, or being romantic with a girl, never ever let your emotions become more escalated than her own. If you are making out/sex/date never show her more than she is feeling under any circumstance. Look to her for cues on how to show her how you feel. Even if you do feel more, bury those feelings deep until she reaches the level you feel. Never reveal your feelings at any level until you know for certain that she is there as well (after she has verbally told you). She does not have the ability to hide emotions as well as you do. She cannot compete with you on this level.

 

These are critical steps to making women happy and making them crazy about you. Men who are successful with women do these things, if you want women to stop calling you nice, blowing you off, or their best friend, do what I just told you. Now you know, now go and do grasshopper .

[meerkat stew]

Cut the contact way back, being either together, or constantly talking, texting, IMing is not a good environment for a two month relationship to grow. Cultivate other hobbies an interests in addition to the relationship so that you don't have time to sit on the phone for two hours. As good as this seems to feel, it is making you gradually more feminine, as one of her GFs, in her eyes over time, and also putting pressure on the relationship.

 

If you can limit most of your communication with her to when you are together, and keep other communication to a minimum, this is the best way until there are several more months under the bridge. Good luck.

[BG1985]

You're way too available for this girl. Y'all are 16 and have been dating for two months. This is not exactly a serious, adult relationship. There is no need for you two to make "sacrifices" for each other. If this girl doesn't sacrifice plans and other things to be with you, then don't sacrifice plans in your life to be with her. You're too young to be attempting such a serious relationship.

[alphamale]

i think you should look for another gf, this one doesn't seem that into you

[joshrw6969]

Thanks for the reply. This was great. So what do you suggest I do next?

 

Tomorrow at school? Should I let her approach me?

I acknowledge the two weaknesses, but what do i suggest I do next?

[boogieboy]

Thanks for the reply. This was great. So what do you suggest I do next?

 

Tomorrow at school? Should I let her approach me?

I acknowledge the two weaknesses, but what do i suggest I do next?

 

Turn it around on her....pull back everything. Do to her what shes doing to you.

 

Dont admit your feelings...

dont say I love you

dont initiate contact

dont be too available for her

dont call back later when you say you will

cancel plans

pretty much everything shes doing now.

 

\

Once she sees you pulling away...(if she doesnt have someone else shes looking at) it should make her want you more. If not, she wasnt that interested in you, which is seems like that now.

[alphamale]

So what do you suggest I do next?

look for another gf

[sagetalk]

Thanks for the reply. This was great. So what do you suggest I do next?

 

Tomorrow at school? Should I let her approach me?

I acknowledge the two weaknesses, but what do i suggest I do next?

 

At school tomorrow walk up to her, say hi, tell her she looks great in her skirt, jeans whatever (a cute compliment you'd normally give her), smile and walk away. Then go about your day as you would without her. Keep that up (very lite chat, no texting, just face to face with a few words that's it) until she shows interest (face to face not texting). If she never shows interest, then you have your answer and you don't end up looking like a complete loser.

 

If she shows interest through texting, tell her you want to meet her at such and such and don't get into a text exchange.

[Green]

Look in the begining I do think it is completly on the mans job to put in all the efort... but after a month of dating she should initiate contact with you, and call you back when she says she will. Look dude just break up with her if you don't like her attitude. there will be plenty of other girls to date. By the way I never had a gf in HS so congrats on that.

[DiscoChick]

.

 

-------------------------------------

 

 

Have you ever heard the saying, "women are never wrong they just change their mind"? Well, that is usually true. Women will almost never admit they are wrong. This is pride, simple and straight forward. So how can you use this to your advantage? Think. If women never want to admit that they

 

 

When you are arguing, pursuing, or being romantic with a girl, never ever let your emotions become more escalated than her own. If you are making out/sex/date never show her more than she is feeling under any circumstance. Look to her for cues on how to show her how you feel. Even if you do feel more, bury those feelings deep until she reaches the level you feel. Never reveal your feelings at any level until you know for certain that she is there as well (after she has verbally told you). She does not have the ability to hide emotions as well as you do. She cannot compete with you on this level.

.

 

You know what, I love reading your posts. You are a very aware and intelligent person. I have one small problem with the stuff in bold. I have no problem admitting I am wrong, and I know when I am wrong. My head isn't shoved up my butt. Secondly, women are perfectly capable of beating men at hiding emotions. I am, anyway. My ex's cousin told me that I accomplished a great feat in keeping myself completely apathetic during the first year of my relationship. I did not tell the guy I loved him until after he told me he loved me, and I laughed when he first said it. So, there. All of us women aren't prideful bags of emotions.

[sagetalk]

1. You know what, I love reading your posts. You are a very aware and intelligent person.

 

2. So, there. All of us women aren't prideful bags of emotions.

 

1. Thank you .

 

2. Well, of course all women aren't like this, but the vast majority are. But it is a weakness in women generally. The Catholic church conducted a study that listed pride as a woman's number one sin. So it's not just me shooting the breeze. There are always exceptions, but I stand by what I said for most women. If you have conquered these weaknesses, then I applaud you for it.

[joshrw6969]

Thanks for such wonderful replies.

 

However, I wasn't totally honest..

 

I lied about the saying "calling back later" part.

It's not that she doesnt call back after she says she will, but sometimes, rather texts or facebook messages me saying that she can't talk.

One time, her phone was lost, and she said she'll call me later, so she sent me a message instead and really seemed sorry about it.

 

In addition.. she doesn't USUALLY cancel plans. She seemed really sad last week about it that we couldnt hang out and proposed that she should hang out next week.

 

Also - There are no guys but me. I don't think she is looking at anyone else. We're totally honest with eachother, and she tells me anything.

 

Other positives

a.) She does say "I love you." More like a daily basis.

b.) We talk usually on the phone. Not that much on txt.

c.) (dont know if this is a positive) when i hug her from behind or sometimes when she's with her friends, she always smiles and blushes. She blushes a lot actually. Kinda cute

 

Other negatives

a.) Doesn't call back A.S.A.P. or doesnt return calls sometimes

b.) We don't have that much classes together, but whenever we do see eachother, we always give eachother kisses before/after class.

 

Don't know if this will change anything.

[joshrw6969]

At school tomorrow walk up to her, say hi, tell her she looks great in her skirt, jeans whatever (a cute compliment you'd normally give her), smile and walk away. Then go about your day as you would without her. Keep that up (very lite chat, no texting, just face to face with a few words that's it) until she shows interest (face to face not texting). If she never shows interest, then you have your answer and you don't end up looking like a complete loser.

 

If she shows interest through texting, tell her you want to meet her at such and such and don't get into a text exchange.

 

Also, what do you mean by her showing interest? Like approaching me, hugging from behind, etc?

 

And.. Should I talk to her tonight about anything?

[Green]

My advice is who cares you have a HS gf, just have fun. Just have fun means if what your doing now is stressing you out then end it. If you do enjoy dating her but it is stressful saying hi to her in school then don't. If you want to call her then go ahead and call her. The truth is the odds are against you and your best bet is to just enjoy yourself and not stress over what move you should make next. Like I said wow you have gf in HS. Dude I barely even got a date in college but I grew up to do quite well with women... If you are enjoying yourself and having fun then you are on the right track. If you are stressing and worying and getting upset then thats bad news. So stop caring so much and just enjoy.

[sagetalk]

 

a.) She does say "I love you." More like a daily basis.

b.) We talk usually on the phone. Not that much on txt.

c.) (dont know if this is a positive) when i hug her from behind or sometimes when she's with her friends, she always smiles and blushes. She blushes a lot actually. Kinda cute

 

 

Don't know if this will change anything.

 

Ok, you are not in the situation I described above, you are well beyond that. Next time try to be a little more clear. You're 16 so I'm gonna cut you some slack.

 

Wow, the L word at 16 is a little scary, be careful with that one. Go very slow with her and most importantly have fun. You are very young (you have no idea trust me) and very serious relationships at your age can be dangerous. My best advice is just to have fun, but don't get too serious. Both of you have a heck of alot of growing up to do. Congrats on landing a girl at 16, you have skills young padawan .

[Green]

agree, situation changed alot haha. Yes have fun, take PICTURES haha, memories are great. Can't go wrong if you just have fun.

[counterman]

I agree with the others when they tell you to have fun. All this "love" stuff is way too serious for high school. Take it slow and not too seriously. You both will learn from this. Of course she wants to hang out with her friends, it's school and once you guys might not be going to the same college. Just have fun when you can and also chill with your mates.

 

If I was dating a girl like this now, I would end the relationship because she would not be that into me. But, you are still in school. And yes, good on you for having a girl

[joshrw6969]

Hey guys! You were totally right. I was overreacting.

 

She came up to me today, and we just started "making out?" Haha. I don't know.

 

I guess the whole situation changed.

 

Only problem: We sometimes have a hard time trying to find stuff to talk about. Like when there's a silence, I just say like "Sooo babe " and we just start uhh. getting physical, per say? I dont know. I don't think I'm very interesting.

 

Any advice?? Aha.

 

Oh! Yea. We did take pictures too. Just hasnt uploaded them yet cuz of "technical and family" problems. Whatever tho. Not a big deal