Foreal in da house!

[foreal]

Hi all

 

I haven't posted in a long time...but wanted to update in case anyone remembers me.

 

My STBXH (GAWD THAT FEELS SO GREAT TO SAY!) is at the house right now packing up his stuff to take to his new digs.

 

I filed for divorce a couple of weeks ago which really pissed him off- but damn, I am just not that good of a sport and decided his MOW and I are not that compatible...I reliquished him to her (which pissed her off b/c she was under the impression he was not sleeping with me...)

 

Those of you on here who told me, DUMP HIM HE IS STILL CHEATING! and WHY DO YOU WANT TO STAY WITH A CHEATER ANYWAY!!?? were oh so right..

 

I had a cake eater BIG TIME and when I finally pulled my own head out of my "igottasavemymarriageforthekids" ass, it all became clear...well, actually when I found his secret cell phone and all their texts messages where MOW was just bitching him out b/c she suspected he was cheating on her (with his wife:rolleyes:) and he was begging her to just give him time b/c his wife (me) was ever so fragile and he just couldn't do it to me, just yet...oh man was that an eye opener!

 

MOW's communication with my STBXH was classic....he has jumped from a R with me, a cool, down to earth, smart, attractive woman (and really great mother) to this controlling, jealous, mean, serial cheating, coke whore who, wow, just bitched at him like I never did (well, not until I found out he was a cheater) but MAN she called him some NASTY names (coward, pussy ...all true but to hear MOW say these things and to see how he just rolls over for her...HA ) Then I realized this man has NEVER gone a day w/o being in a R with a girl/woman, he has had one since middle school! Even when I met him he had JUST broken up with his gf the day before and she was still hanging around for weeks after that!

 

MOW got really upset when I informed her he was still banging me and was living still at the house and had not moved out (he told her he had started D proceedings, NOT; told her we were not sleeping together, NOT etc etc etc)..like I said a real Fing cake eater.

 

So I got a FABULOUS lawyer and boy he was pissed!! He is still asking that we go to mediation...NOT..Suck it up pal, 21 year marraige, yea, you gonna pay Ahole!

 

I know there are those on here who are trying so hard to work it out with their cheater....that was me. And for some, I suppose it works....but even if I didn'tfind the secret phone which solidified and validated my gut feelings of, this aint right, I know in my heart I would have never gotten past it.

 

So here I am now watching him look lost and asking me "where's the duck tape?" to which I answer, "huh? I dunno" and he looks at me as if I am that same woman who took care of him, cooked for him, made all the arrangements for him, basically did everything but wipe his ass, and I can tell he is just not getting it.

 

FREE AT LAST FREE AT LAST THANK GOD ALMIGHTY I AM FREE AT LAST

 

yea, I know I will have and have had some really tough days, mostly b/c our son has to go thru this Bullshyt b/c of his father's crappy choices, but I am on my way and onlywish I had filed sooner.

 

Have you seen the movie The Hangover??

 

TOODALOOOOO MUTHER FAUKAHHHHH!!

[Spark1111]

OMG!

 

Foreal, I do not know how you did it! But you did! And I am happy that you finally got to the "truth" of your situation and that the truth has set you FREE!

 

There is a make or break point and you suspected all was not as it seems and it was not.

 

You trusted your intuition and it did not lie to you.

 

The gaslighting, more than anything else, is what keeps us off even keel and makes us feel like we are losing our minds.

 

That is forever gone now. I happy you found peace at last.

 

Curious, how did you find the secret cell phone? I'm sure it was brilliant.

[fooled once]

Hi all

 

I haven't posted in a long time...but wanted to update in case anyone remembers me.

 

My STBXH (GAWD THAT FEELS SO GREAT TO SAY!) is at the house right now packing up his stuff to take to his new digs.

 

I filed for divorce a couple of weeks ago which really pissed him off- but damn, I am just not that good of a sport and decided his MOW and I are not that compatible...I reliquished him to her (which pissed her off b/c she was under the impression he was not sleeping with me...)

 

Those of you on here who told me, DUMP HIM HE IS STILL CHEATING! and WHY DO YOU WANT TO STAY WITH A CHEATER ANYWAY!!?? were oh so right..

 

I had a cake eater BIG TIME and when I finally pulled my own head out of my "igottasavemymarriageforthekids" ass, it all became clear...well, actually when I found his secret cell phone and all their texts messages where MOW was just bitching him out b/c she suspected he was cheating on her (with his wife:rolleyes:) and he was begging her to just give him time b/c his wife (me) was ever so fragile and he just couldn't do it to me, just yet...oh man was that an eye opener!

 

MOW's communication with my STBXH was classic....he has jumped from a R with me, a cool, down to earth, smart, attractive woman (and really great mother) to this controlling, jealous, mean, serial cheating, coke whore who, wow, just bitched at him like I never did (well, not until I found out he was a cheater) but MAN she called him some NASTY names (coward, pussy ...all true but to hear MOW say these things and to see how he just rolls over for her...HA ) Then I realized this man has NEVER gone a day w/o being in a R with a girl/woman, he has had one since middle school! Even when I met him he had JUST broken up with his gf the day before and she was still hanging around for weeks after that!

 

MOW got really upset when I informed her he was still banging me and was living still at the house and had not moved out (he told her he had started D proceedings, NOT; told her we were not sleeping together, NOT etc etc etc)..like I said a real Fing cake eater.

 

So I got a FABULOUS lawyer and boy he was pissed!! He is still asking that we go to mediation...NOT..Suck it up pal, 21 year marraige, yea, you gonna pay Ahole!

 

I know there are those on here who are trying so hard to work it out with their cheater....that was me. And for some, I suppose it works....but even if I didn'tfind the secret phone which solidified and validated my gut feelings of, this aint right, I know in my heart I would have never gotten past it.

 

So here I am now watching him look lost and asking me "where's the duck tape?" to which I answer, "huh? I dunno" and he looks at me as if I am that same woman who took care of him, cooked for him, made all the arrangements for him, basically did everything but wipe his ass, and I can tell he is just not getting it.

 

FREE AT LAST FREE AT LAST THANK GOD ALMIGHTY I AM FREE AT LAST

 

yea, I know I will have and have had some really tough days, mostly b/c our son has to go thru this Bullshyt b/c of his father's crappy choices, but I am on my way and onlywish I had filed sooner.

 

Have you seen the movie The Hangover??

 

TOODALOOOOO MUTHER FAUKAHHHHH!!

 

Congrats for dumping his lying cheating behind!!

[BlueeyedJonesy]

What a piece of work you STBXH sounds like! sounds like he will be happy with the decision you've made NOT! GOOD FOR YOU!!!@@@

I can feel your energy and clarity just reading your post! Take care of yourself!!!! good luck!:)

[freestyle]

Hey Foreal.....

 

I was starting to worry about you, I almost PM'd you last week.

 

Sounds like you've been busy, good for you.

 

Unfortunately, this was a case of your H being a two-time, loser.

(not to mention two-timing.)

 

For him to put you through eight months of false reconciliation like he did, after your first D-day,.........yeah, I'd say his credibility is shot to kingdom come. For him to do what he did....was several leagues beneath contempt. Good riddance.

 

I'm sorry things turned out this way, but I'm glad to see your peace of mind returning.

 

Please keep us posted from time to time. (((((((hugs)))))))

[PhoenixRise]

Hey Foreal

 

So glad you found out the truth of your situation. Amazing isn't it that your STBXH was saying all the right things to you in order to keep you in the M AND begging the MOW to keep his relationship with her too.

 

At the end of the day, he wanted both.

 

Glad you are taking control of your life and doing what is right for you.

[bittersweet memories]

Hi all

 

I haven't posted in a long time...but wanted to update in case anyone remembers me.

 

My STBXH (GAWD THAT FEELS SO GREAT TO SAY!) is at the house right now packing up his stuff to take to his new digs.

 

I filed for divorce a couple of weeks ago which really pissed him off- but damn, I am just not that good of a sport and decided his MOW and I are not that compatible...I reliquished him to her (which pissed her off b/c she was under the impression he was not sleeping with me...)

 

Those of you on here who told me, DUMP HIM HE IS STILL CHEATING! and WHY DO YOU WANT TO STAY WITH A CHEATER ANYWAY!!?? were oh so right..

 

I had a cake eater BIG TIME and when I finally pulled my own head out of my "igottasavemymarriageforthekids" ass, it all became clear...well, actually when I found his secret cell phone and all their texts messages where MOW was just bitching him out b/c she suspected he was cheating on her (with his wife:rolleyes:) and he was begging her to just give him time b/c his wife (me) was ever so fragile and he just couldn't do it to me, just yet...oh man was that an eye opener!

 

MOW's communication with my STBXH was classic....he has jumped from a R with me, a cool, down to earth, smart, attractive woman (and really great mother) to this controlling, jealous, mean, serial cheating, coke whore who, wow, just bitched at him like I never did (well, not until I found out he was a cheater) but MAN she called him some NASTY names (coward, pussy ...all true but to hear MOW say these things and to see how he just rolls over for her...HA ) Then I realized this man has NEVER gone a day w/o being in a R with a girl/woman, he has had one since middle school! Even when I met him he had JUST broken up with his gf the day before and she was still hanging around for weeks after that!

 

MOW got really upset when I informed her he was still banging me and was living still at the house and had not moved out (he told her he had started D proceedings, NOT; told her we were not sleeping together, NOT etc etc etc)..like I said a real Fing cake eater.

 

So I got a FABULOUS lawyer and boy he was pissed!! He is still asking that we go to mediation...NOT..Suck it up pal, 21 year marraige, yea, you gonna pay Ahole!

 

I know there are those on here who are trying so hard to work it out with their cheater....that was me. And for some, I suppose it works....but even if I didn'tfind the secret phone which solidified and validated my gut feelings of, this aint right, I know in my heart I would have never gotten past it.

 

So here I am now watching him look lost and asking me "where's the duck tape?" to which I answer, "huh? I dunno" and he looks at me as if I am that same woman who took care of him, cooked for him, made all the arrangements for him, basically did everything but wipe his ass, and I can tell he is just not getting it.

 

FREE AT LAST FREE AT LAST THANK GOD ALMIGHTY I AM FREE AT LAST

 

yea, I know I will have and have had some really tough days, mostly b/c our son has to go thru this Bullshyt b/c of his father's crappy choices, but I am on my way and onlywish I had filed sooner.

 

Have you seen the movie The Hangover??

 

TOODALOOOOO MUTHER FAUKAHHHHH!!

 

Good for you!!! You should be proud...

 

Here's to a new begining...

[whichwayisup]

(which pissed her off b/c she was under the impression he was not sleeping with me...)

 

This happens alot. Obviously he is still in the "lying" mode! Now he's lying to her!

 

Good on you for doing this.

 

Enjoy your new life FR. You deserve it!

 

So here I am now watching him look lost and asking me "where's the duck tape?" to which I answer, "huh? I dunno" and he looks at me as if I am that same woman who took care of him, cooked for him, made all the arrangements for him, basically did everything but wipe his ass, and I can tell he is just not getting it.

And now the MOW gets to play that role.

 

Or, he can grow the F up and learn how to take care of himself.

[MARINE_ONE]

You are a motivation to us all!! Thanks for posting this!!!!!!!

[bentnotbroken]

It does get better when you aren't always in defense mode.

[foreal]

It does get better when you aren't always in defense mode.

 

re: above quote....

THAT IS FOR SURE!!

 

Thanks to you all...I am so glad to see the ol timers respond...you all really helped me.

 

And to you new timers...TRUST YOUR GUT.

 

It is just so hard to believe the one you love could do such a horrible thing...and then keep on doing it- but I have to say I always had that 'feeling' that things were not right....and they were not right.

 

And now that I have had time away from STBXH, my GAWD, was I trusting and on the vere of pathetic!! (okay I WAS pathetic).

 

Now I cannot imagine why I even gave him ANY shot once I discovered he cheated. It really was a deal breaker for me, but I truly thought he made a 'mistake'; that he wasn't in his right mind...umm yea, that was the case alright. He said all the right things but his actions never matched up....of course, sleeping with another woman should have told me right away his actions and words didn't match up....ahhh!!

 

So for those of you who have that little voice saying, "He/She is full of shyt....I know he/she is holding back"...believe yourself.

 

Maya Angelou has a great quote that goes something like this:

 

"THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM"

 

Amen sister.

[2sunny]

foreal,

 

it's good to see you take your power as a woman back, feels good eh?

 

 

the key in understanding a new poster and the mood of the relationship s whether or not the words match the actions.

 

you were on top of things to recognize the difference - and wise and strong enough to understand that you deserve more on a daly basis than a man just feeding you empty words.

 

woooot for you!

[JamesM]

As one of those who assumed that there was some good in your husband and told you that I thought the affair was over (and I quote myself from December 1st....."And I think that the affair IS over."), I am first to admit that I was wrong.

 

Note to all who post here....go with what you feel inside not just what people post.

 

Why do we hope that such things are as they say they are? Why do we believe what someone who has shown not to be trustworthy is saying? As someone who thought he must be trying, I learned, too, assume the worst until proven differently. Don't accept words.

 

Foreal, good for you. After reviewing some of our threads, I can see how you gained strength to handle all of this while not letting him bowl you over with lies.

 

Hugs. Keep us updated.

 

BTW, not meaning to dredge up the past, but was she free of herpes?

[2sunny]

these were my responses to the thread about foreal's H and his continued lies. the thread was started Dec 2nd... it must have been obvious then what her H was doing to her and what he wasn't willing to change.

 

well, leave him! if he hasn't suffered any consequences and he's not uncomfortable enough - he won't change a thing.

 

he lies to you because you tend to believe him - and it works for him.

 

throw him out - then you may see how he might ACTUALLY make an effort to change and become a bit more forthcoming. by then - you may not care one way or another though...

 

the lies - be it by omission or cover up, etc - is always the hard part. seems if the spouse that cheated is unwilling to come clean and be honest - no healing can begin.

 

also, when the cheating spouse covers up - it appears that he/she is willing to defend the OW/OM more than he's willing to defend the M and begin the healing process of it moving forward. to NOT know is often what ends up eating away at the POTENTIAL process of repairing the relationship.

 

what bothers me is that he is so much looking for HIS comfort zone, HIS happiness, HIS feelings of well being.

 

has he ONCE considered what HE NEEDS TO DO OR NOT DO FOR YOUR FEELINGS? doesn't look like it.

 

no action on his part to make you feel comforted, loved, respected, relationship repaired, change jobs... nothing. only him wanting to have you forgive and forget like nothing ever happened. well guess what? SOMETHING did happen - and he should be acting like he is DESPERATE to make it up to you - any way he can... but it sure doesn't look like what he's doing at all.

 

i'd be willing to bet money he's still corresponding with her... and has been all along.

 

he's considering how this affects him so much and finding his comfort zone - that he completely overlooked how your feelings come into play. selfish really...

 

amazing! i would have shown him the door immediately if not sooner and had the locks changed. you have way more patience than i do when it comes to betrayal at the highest level.

 

kick him out today! who cares where he goes - he's never thinking of you so why should you make this easy for him?

 

this sounds like a man that still has an OW hanging around. also a man that still wants you to make it convenient for him to stay at home and still do whatever he wants.

 

if you want to see a big difference - change needs to occur. what changes are you willing to make?

[OFGnomore]

I remember you back earlier this year. You were thinking one liners and HB with H right? I think I told you back then if things were good let them be don't harrass the XMOW, etc. But honestly you reminded me of my xMMs W quick to forgive (no judgments) In the end you're getting out with your life back, for your self and your children. I hope the transition isn't too difficult and you have love and support from your family and friends. I think in the end most men don't change. I hope you can let go of your anger and move forward and get the love and respect you deserve.

 

As an aside, when the sh*t hit the fan in my situation my H called out xMM to his W, friends and co workers. xMM proclaimed that they were in love more than ever and a year later, he's back trolling my work web pages. I see this all too often in these siuations. Again, strength, hope and courage to you.

[White Flower]

Congrats Foreal! Glad you're back in da house;)

[NoIDidn't]

Glad to see you back for a minute, foreal!!! I've missed your style!

 

I can't believe he called YOU fragile. WTF?!!!

[silktricks]

Congratulations on finding the truth. And the truth has set you free . I'd say take care, but it sounds like you are!!

 

And welcome back :)

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I'm so glad you gave an update, I've wondered what happened to you. Congratulations, I'm glad you were able to trust you gut and really get to the bottom of things. Amazing how things work out when you are ready for them emotionally. I hope you will be very happy. For sure you have one less headache!

[aeh]

Hi Foreal!

 

I'm soooo proud of you!!! Wow! I was wondering what was up with you. I, too, hoped that all of that was behind you. Your strength is amazing and evident, even before this latest development. You are so far from fragile!

 

What's more, I can just feel the empowerment in your words. The world is your oyster, foreal. Take it.

[Samantha0905]

I'm glad you took control of things and sent him along his way. It sounds best in this situation. He really sounds like he's getting a prize.

[foreal]

 

BTW, not meaning to dredge up the past, but was she free of herpes?

 

oh yea, the gift that keeps on giving...supposedly my H took the test and came back clean- that was in early December (we kept having sex until late Dec)......wow, I havent had sex in awhile..I just realized that:eek:..okay I am officically over that Ahole....I wonder when I will want to again with any man?

 

MOW never took a test for my H and yes, he continues to bang her unprotected (he said, "she's been in a monogomous R like me for a long time so I am sure she is clean:confused:)

 

So yes, that is on the list of To Dos for me...I havent yet had the courage to do it though...

[Snowflower]

I loved the title of your thread; it made me laugh!

 

Good luck to you foreal! Your STBXH and his OW sound perfect for each other.

[skywriter]

Foreal,

 

I'm so glad to see you posting happy replies. I've followed alot of your post in the past, when I first started reading on LS.

 

I am a former OW, and have been through divorce as well. Just wanted to wish you well in your future as a single mom.

[Brokenlady]

Foreal,

I am in shock that he wasted your time like that, claiming he wanted to reconcile. And I am nauseated that he tried to blame you for his and OW "reconnecting" after you found that picture at his office when they never stopped the A in the 1st place. That takes a special kind of slimy person to do that.

 

I'm so glad you are feeling better. It sounds like you've got back your faith in yourself, and that's so good to hear. Hopefully your D will go smoothly and you can move on with the wonderful life you have ahead of you.