Els Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Grass on the other side is often greener. You would give up your career for a marriage - but that's because you had the chance to experience your career to the fullest. I know many women who truly did give up their career for a marriage (Asian country, stereotypical roles still exist), and regret it now. But they've no independence, no degree, no work experience and 5 kids, so they've no choice but to stay in it (or so they think). In some cases the husband isn't even faithful.
tincanman99 Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Here is the reality, you cant have everything in life. It just doesnt work that way. People want an exciting career AND have a full personal life. Unfortunately you cant really do both. I have seen many people that have sacrificed their personal life for their career and what do they have for it? Lot of $, success and still are not happy. $ and stuff does not necessarily make you happy. I have also seen people that gave up their career to have kids and are just as miserable as the people who successful careers. Their marriages are hollow shells and they walk through the day like zombies. Bottom line is you cant win but this I can say, if you are not happy at this moment in your life its up to you to fix it. No one can do it for you. If what you are doing is not working its up to you to fix it. But that also means being pragmatic and recognizing you are not 25 and have to accept certain things. In general people seem to have huge shopping lists of things they want with the one commonality is that no one is going to have all the things they want. You may want to adjust that list if its extensive. In my experience most women have much longer lists than men. The reason you have heard the negativity about the career women is that with career women their careers come first and the guy comes second - ALWAYS. Would you want a guy who places his career before you? Of course not. Well men are no different. In my experience with career women they want what they want and dont want to hear about compromise. On top of this their lives rotate around work, work, work and more work. Getting involved with someone like this is about as fun as merging with another corporation, thanks but no thanks. I have been laid off multiple times as I am in the tech industry. Once you have bee laid off once it forces you to wrap some perspective around work. This is just my opinion of course. Work is something you do to live, I dont live to work. Careers are way over rated in the end. If you want to have this family/relationship you are going to need to make some changes starting with putting your career on the back burner and focusing on your personal life. I did the exact same thing in the last year or so. Lost 40lbs, got my act together and am focusing on my personal life not my job.
Satisfaction Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 completely reasonable advice I just needed to look at this again, to be sure.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Since you do not know me, you can't say emotionally troubled and socially maladjusted. I think you are a troublemaker and since you are married why are you even here?
nddb Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 Since you do not know me, you can't say emotionally troubled and socially maladjusted. I think you are a troublemaker and since you are married why are you even here? I haven't chimed in but this rubs me the wrong way. I'm happily married and I'm here because I want to know what people think about relationships, what the opposite sex thinks is great/despicable behavior in their SOs so I can learn and apply in my own relationship. Even an expert car mechanic reads up on what's the latest on car troubles, car reviews, new repair techniques, gossips about car buying. This is how people learn, when they care about developing and keeping relationships healthy. Instead of lashing out, read again what numerous posters have said to try to help you.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 But they are missing the point. I'm not even mad at the guy I'm dating since he did tell me I am rushing him (and I think I am which is partly why I am nervous). Just that my standards are too high. They'd have the opposite view if it was a guy.
Satisfaction Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I mean let's face it: she's seeking relationship advice about some pretty sensitive issues. Doesn't it make sense to get advice from a qualified professional rather than randoms on the internet. Also whoever posted the following quote sounds like he or she is pretty much in the same boat, confused about her life and about relationships, probably could benefit from therapy as well, wouldn't you agree? You know there seem to be quite a bit of women who have relationship problems because they chase after or desire unavailable men. I think therapy might be very helpful I apologize if you think therapy is inappropriate for emotionally troubled and socially maladjusted individuals. The sensitivity of the issue is the point of her asking for advice. And actually i think the fact that you can take my own quote and say that it makes me maladjusted just shows the state of your mind. Are you trying to embarrass me by reminding me that I've been hurt? I would post something of yours here but I can't be bothered to read through all of your previous posts. I don't accept your apology because its insincere.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 I spoke to my mom about this issue and she said I'm worrying about something that doesn't need to be worried about. After all, I've only been talking to him about two months (after 10 years apart), and have seen him twice (and both times he was thrilled to see me). We won't be able to see each other that much now because he lives an hour away and we get brutal winters here. She said that in reality I don't know the future and that he could be afraid. I know that we went farther than he wanted to (we French kissed and hugged and he asked me to be his girlfriend.) and he feels guilty about that. Next time I do talk to him I am letting him know I am not going to wait around when he gets weird. That his mom needs to lay off him about getting married. I have a timetable of 6 months and I might lower it to 3 months if he's still the same. I know he sounds like a bad guy, but he's not. He was burnt in his last relationship and may not be completely over it. He was the one I always knew I was meant to be with (at least 10 years ago) but I won't be his doormat.
gypsy_nicky Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Next time I do talk to him I am letting him know I am not going to wait around when he gets weird. That his mom needs to lay off him about getting married. I have a timetable of 6 months and I might lower it to 3 months if he's still the same. I know he sounds like a bad guy, but he's not. He was burnt in his last relationship and may not be completely over it. He was the one I always knew I was meant to be with (at least 10 years ago) but I won't be his doormat. hmmm. Do you remember the cliche 'actions speak louder than words'? I don't think you need to justify yourself to this person that you are 'letting go', just put some distance between you and him (i.e becoming more unavailable-yes even when your together). IMO when a person does something instead of saying it, it gets the point across more. ....if you do justify yourself, be prepared for more mind games your boy will throw at you since you've let your intentions known.
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