greatgirlfriend Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 In my 20's I was reluctant to ever get married. I was pursuing a career and didn't find anyone I truly wanted to marry. Now I wish I had because I am 39 and still single. I feel like God played a cruel joke on me. I'd gladly give up my career that I worked hard for just to find a good guy since it seems so many don't want career women. The one guy I want is playing games with me and is hurting me terribly. Everyone I know is married. Not me. I'll likely be single the rest of my life because apparently I don't deserve better. I am a good person and always there for others. I'd never cheat, nag or take advantage. Yet for some reason I have to be punished and I don't know why. I didn't do anything to deserve still being single. I know rotten people married but not me. I hate my life.
Ellezz Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I'm single too and haven't been in a relationship for a long time. Most of my friends have a boyfriend and it does feel bad when I have to listen to them talking about their boyfriends... But don't lose faith! Being 39 and still single doesn't mean you will stay single for the rest of your life. If you decide you want marriage, start looking for the right person, I'm sure you will find someone.
Explorer Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 In my 20's I was reluctant to ever get married. I was pursuing a career and didn't find anyone I truly wanted to marry. Now I wish I had because I am 39 and still single. I feel like God played a cruel joke on me. I'd gladly give up my career that I worked hard for just to find a good guy since it seems so many don't want career women. The one guy I want is playing games with me and is hurting me terribly. Everyone I know is married. Not me. I'll likely be single the rest of my life because apparently I don't deserve better. I am a good person and always there for others. I'd never cheat, nag or take advantage. Yet for some reason I have to be punished and I don't know why. I didn't do anything to deserve still being single. I know rotten people married but not me. I hate my life. It also stinks being in the wrong relationship; especially a wrong marriage. Self-reflect and count your blessings. Single = Freedom
SOLACEMENT Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 that's what you get for trying to be a man with tits.. So wrong I want to say he is wrong and that you just have to get out more but in this world...he just may be right But you have no kids ...so thats a plus...just get out more...Love would come...sometime
meerkat stew Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I know rotten people married but not me. Better to be single than with a rotten person, right?
skydiveaddict Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I am a good person and always there for others. I'd never cheat, nag or take advantage. Yet for some reason I have to be punished and I don't know why. I didn't do anything to deserve still being single. I know rotten people married but not me. I hate my life. I know how you feel I'm 51 and still single. I have a suggestion for ya: go skydiving. you'll meet tons of single guys and it's a lot of fun too.
Kamille Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 sounds like you're going through a period of mourning over your expectations for yourself. We all do at times: but you can enjoy being single. all you need is to find ways out of this negative mindspin you're in. first thing: take responsibility for your happiness in dating. Get rid of the man who is making you feel miserable. You will not find a partner as long as you allow crushes-lovers-dates-bf to treat you poorly. If a guy is treating you poorly, then he doesn't deserve any of your time. Your well-being comes before romance. Secondly: you are not being punished. You don't have what you want - and that's not the same thing as being punished. Feeling punished only allows you to perceive yourself as a victim and not as an empowered person. thirdly: now start taking stock of what you do have going for yourself in your life. Great friends? A rewarding job? A wicked sense of humour? And last thing: get out there and do something new. Being single is being free. Join an outdoors club, start knitting, something new. Work on being happy on your own.
Johnny M Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 You are a jackass. If I'm a jackass, what does that make you for trying to blame God for your own mistakes? I'm not a religious man, but I still think it's pretty lame. Everyone gets what he/she deserves. The fact that you are single at 40 is a direct consequences of the choices you've made earlier in life. So if you're unhappy with how things have turned out, you only have yourself to blame. But I guess you don't have the fortitude to admit it.
sunshinegirl Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 sounds like you're going through a period of mourning over your expectations for yourself. We all do at times: but you can enjoy being single. all you need is to find ways out of this negative mindspin you're in. first thing: take responsibility for your happiness in dating. Get rid of the man who is making you feel miserable. You will not find a partner as long as you allow crushes-lovers-dates-bf to treat you poorly. If a guy is treating you poorly, then he doesn't deserve any of your time. Your well-being comes before romance. Secondly: you are not being punished. You don't have what you want - and that's not the same thing as being punished. Feeling punished only allows you to perceive yourself as a victim and not as an empowered person. thirdly: now start taking stock of what you do have going for yourself in your life. Great friends? A rewarding job? A wicked sense of humour? And last thing: get out there and do something new. Being single is being free. Join an outdoors club, start knitting, something new. Work on being happy on your own. Five stars for this post! Bravo, Kamille. OP, I went through a similar stage as you - mourning what seemed like the universe stacked against me ever meeting the right guy. For awhile I lived in self-pity land, and I had to face down the possibility that it would never happen & I'd never have a family. (I'm 36, BTW.) Once I did that, I started looking around to see, well, if I can't have this big thing that I want, can I still create a life that fulfills me and makes me happy? Yeah, I can. And I went about creating that life. What do you know, I met my BF right after I got busy creating my own happy life. And he was attracted to me partly because I had this great life I was living.
Woggle Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Plenty of people get married and have families at your age. It is not too late. Yeah you will have to deal with the men who are bitter about being chewed up and spit out by women all their lives but if you know how to look you will find somebody.
harmfulsweetz Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Never regret anything because at some point in your life it was exactly what you wanted. We all look back at choices we have made and wonder how good they were, but that's by the by now, you made them, because at one point, they were right for you. You can't change it, so stop looking back and trying to. Look at what you have in your life that is fabulous, that is good, that you love. Stop focusing on what you don't have, and appreciate what you do. Start doing things, like take up a new hobby, and find something that you can do that will fulfill your life equally to a marriage and kids. You don't have to be married with children by now, just because other people are.
randall Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 The one guy I want is playing games with me and is hurting me terribly. Regardless of your age or how lonely you feel there is no reason for you to put up with someone playing games and hurting you. Stop contact with him immediately if this is how he's making you feel.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 I'm sitting here wondering if I am overeacting. Maybe he did think I was rushing things since I did bring up eventually us fooling around. I suspect it made him nervous.
Pizzaman81 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 In my 20's I was reluctant to ever get married. I was pursuing a career and didn't find anyone I truly wanted to marry. Now I wish I had because I am 39 and still single. I feel like God played a cruel joke on me. I'd gladly give up my career that I worked hard for just to find a good guy since it seems so many don't want career women. The one guy I want is playing games with me and is hurting me terribly. Everyone I know is married. Not me. I'll likely be single the rest of my life because apparently I don't deserve better. I am a good person and always there for others. I'd never cheat, nag or take advantage. Yet for some reason I have to be punished and I don't know why. I didn't do anything to deserve still being single. I know rotten people married but not me. I hate my life. Career women are HOT! Welcome to the modern age.
sagetalk Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Career women are HOT! Welcome to the modern age. I second that
Author greatgirlfriend Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 I didn't think most guys minded career women, but it seems to be a hindrance more than positive.
Kamille Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I didn't think most guys minded career women, but it seems to be a hindrance more than positive. As a career-woman myself, I'm curious to know how your career was a hindrance.
Vertex Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Yeah that surprises me too. I find career women to be quite hot. Brains are a turnon (in a non-zombie way of course).
boogieboy Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 In my 20's I was reluctant to ever get married. I was pursuing a career and didn't find anyone I truly wanted to marry. Now I wish I had because I am 39 and still single. I feel like God played a cruel joke on me. I'd gladly give up my career that I worked hard for just to find a good guy since it seems so many don't want career women. The one guy I want is playing games with me and is hurting me terribly. Everyone I know is married. Not me. I'll likely be single the rest of my life because apparently I don't deserve better. I am a good person and always there for others. I'd never cheat, nag or take advantage. Yet for some reason I have to be punished and I don't know why. I didn't do anything to deserve still being single. I know rotten people married but not me. I hate my life. My sister in law married my brother at 39, so its still possible. She's a career woman, great woman really. But she realized one thing...her standards were skewed against her real worth...specifically, she thought she was a 10 when she was really a 5. She didnt realize that she only deserved a 5 until it was too late........
TheLoneSock Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 That's what happens when you blow the good guys off so you can advance your career. Sorry. This kind of thing happens on both sides of the tracks too, not just with women. At least you're not blaming others (I don't think so anyway) for your misfortune, and complaining about how there are no 'real' men out there. I wish I could muster the BS to tell you everything happens for a reason and that you're going to find a great guy that you've been waiting for all along and all that jazz. But it would be just that, BS. I do however wish you all the best in your search and hope you get lucky enough for things to work out in the end. There's someone for everyone; that's one saying I do believe in. Can't win if you don't keep trying!
Chicago_Guy Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I didn't think most guys minded career women, but it seems to be a hindrance more than positive. I think it can be positive unless the woman is working so much that the men feels as though he will always come second after her career. I think that if a woman has to travel a lot for her job, many men will view that as a negative thing. It's also a negative if the job causes the woman to frequently feel stressed out and anxious.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 Well, I am in marketing and training. I recently became unemployed but that's another story. For several years I buried myself in work (not a workaholic) because my life sucked. I couldn't find anyone (many rejections) so I stopped looking for awhile.
Chicago_Guy Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Then there's the fact that 'career women' tend to be bossy, arrogant and opinionated. Have you ever met a career woman who was modest and humble? I certainly haven't. That has also generally been my experience, at least with respect to single female lawyers and accountants. Although I wonder whether I was confusing insecurity with arrogance. I've often wondered whether the single female doctors behave the same way.
DiscoChick Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Since being single, I've learned a lot about myself. I enjoy learning these things about myself. I've become more humble and wiser about a lot of decisions I made earlier in life. I've become even more accepting of my flaws. I embrace the things that make me different and try and fix the problems that will keep me from the one steady love I have in this life. I also disagree with your idea of blaming God. You probably had several great prospective mates in your life and ignored all those chances. He isn't going to throw a man in your arms. You need to take some initiative and stop wallowing in self pity. That is unhealthy and unattractive.
Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 First off, what do you mean by "single"? Do you mean "not dating" or "not married?" In my 20's I was reluctant to ever get married. I was pursuing a career and didn't find anyone I truly wanted to marry. Now I wish I had because I am 39 and still single. I feel like God played a cruel joke on me. I'd gladly give up my career that I worked hard for just to find a good guy since it seems so many don't want career women. No, that has nothing to do with it. Guys don't avoid "career women." I'm not saying they all automatically go for them either. I'm just saying it's not a factor that's taken into consideration when a guy decides to date a woman. Guys have 4 primary reasons for not dating a girl. She's catty/prissy/stuck-up. Or She's high-maintenance/hard to please. Or She flaky/unreliable Or She's physically unattractive. I'm not saying your any of those. I'm just saying that being a career woman or not has nothing to do with it.
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