MARINE_ONE Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Last night I found out from my oldest daughter that my soon to be ex wife did not come home again because she wanted to spend another night with the married man she is sleeping with.(even though my son is sick with fever) She also told me (and I wish she hadn't) that my wife no longer sleeps in our bed. She actually told my kids that she doesn't want to because it is the bed that we shared together. I don't understand why she feels this way, let alone why she would tell our children that. I know I have not been a perfect husband during our marriage. I have made mistakes. But she is the one that is cheating and left me. Why does she have such disdain for me? I really don't understand. But, I don't understand why she hasn't been there for the kids at all since this started either. Anyway to top it off, I had dreams about her again. I wish the damn dreams about her would just stop!! When we were together I always had dreams she was cheating or leaving me, and now that she has I have dreams where we are together or we are working things out. Is there a way to get my kids to stop telling me stuff? I really don't want to hear any of this. I don't want to say anything to them, because they tell me because they want someone to talk with about it.(they are hurting too) They just don't understand that it hurts me so much to hear it. Or do I need to hear it, so that I will get over this? Sorry to be a wussy this morning!!
Spark1111 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Marine one, I do not know the ages of your children, but children are very aware of parental tensions in the marital relationship, and right now they have to be your first priority. Now is the time to talk, talk, talk with them. What do they know? How are they feeling? For THEIR sakes you need to be the biggest rock for them that you can be! Reassure them of your love for them, and as hard as it may be, do not disparage their mother to them. As for the whys of why a spouse in an affair seems oblivious to their children is that the responsibility of children gives them LESS freedom to be with the AP and become a further source of resentment, at least for a while.... Allowing yourself to feel your pain is not wussy. It is actually healthy to feel your feelings, whatever they may be.
Author MARINE_ONE Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 What about this hate she has suddenly developed for me. I am so confused about this. She was telling me she loved me the day I found out she was cheating. Now it's she hates me. What did I do? I have given everything she has asked for since this began and suddenly I am a loathed person. Also, talked to her mother this morning. (she called me) Her mother is very upset because she has been lying to her. She has caused her mother to lose her home, and almost caused her to lose all her possessions. (clothes, furniture, and everything) I had to get on the phone with the landlord to get her mother time to get her stuff. She was lying to her mother about the date they had to be out of the house, and telling me that her mother did not want her stuff. It's as though this affair with a married man has consumed her and she cares about nothing else, not the kids, not her mother, and certainly not me. These idiots seem to be playing house and not caring about their families at all. If I wasn't so pissed, I would really find it quite humorous.
Jeff1962 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Is there a way to get my kids to stop telling me stuff? Tell your STBXW to stop involving the children and to stop telling them personal detailed information about what is happening. What kind of mother leaves her kid with a fever to be with another man, even if you were there? Dude. Embrace this, feel it. Move on.
Spark1111 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 What about this hate she has suddenly developed for me. I am so confused about this. She was telling me she loved me the day I found out she was cheating. Now it's she hates me. What did I do? I have given everything she has asked for since this began and suddenly I am a loathed person. Also, talked to her mother this morning. (she called me) Her mother is very upset because she has been lying to her. She has caused her mother to lose her home, and almost caused her to lose all her possessions. (clothes, furniture, and everything) I had to get on the phone with the landlord to get her mother time to get her stuff. She was lying to her mother about the date they had to be out of the house, and telling me that her mother did not want her stuff. It's as though this affair with a married man has consumed her and she cares about nothing else, not the kids, not her mother, and certainly not me. These idiots seem to be playing house and not caring about their families at all. If I wasn't so pissed, I would really find it quite humorous. Unfortunately, the disdain and contempt are pretty common too...It justifies to her (in her warped state) the reasons she is acting in such an irrational manner. It VALIDATES the affair for her. The more you become the villian, the easier it is to make him the hero, the knight in shining armor to fulfill her affair fantasy. It's an excuse, really. And as you sit back and continue to see more and more irrational behavior, please OWN THIS: The affair has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! It has little to do with the marriage. Most marriages have issues and areas that need improvement. So read, learn, pick yourself up by your marine bootstraps, and focus on making your life, your kid's lives and all your futures a good place to be. You can no longer control her behavior, only your own right now. Be the best person you can be for yourself and your children and your future. What other option do you have at the moment, realistically?
Author MARINE_ONE Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 Thanks for all the responses and advice. It is very much appreciated!!
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 MO, does her OM's W know about everything that is going on?? I hope things get better for you and your family soon. Keep your head up.
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 It's time to tell the MM's wife that her husband is having an affair with your wife. Stay strong and do all that you can for your kids. They are going to need alot of TLC from you.
Author MARINE_ONE Posted February 1, 2010 Author Posted February 1, 2010 MO, does her OM's W know about everything that is going on?? I hope things get better for you and your family soon. Keep your head up. I don't know if she knows or not... Thanks!! It's time to tell the MM's wife that her husband is having an affair with your wife. Stay strong and do all that you can for your kids. They are going to need alot of TLC from you. I have thought about trying to find her number to call her and let her know, but there are a couple of reasons I don't. The first being that my STBXW has told me that if I say anything to her or hit/threaten him that she will never let me see my two oldest kids again.(they are not biologically mine) Second, I am sure God will let her know at the worst possible time for him, and God can make it much worse for him than me. He is digging his own hole and will soon fall in and get buried I am sure.
Author MARINE_ONE Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Sounds like my STBX is wanting to move to be with her married boyfriend. I know this crazy, but I can't help feeling my life is over. (I know it's only been 3 weeks and 4 days since I found out). I have a college degree and a really good job, but the whole reason I have worked so hard over the years is to build a good life for us. We had so many plans. We always talked about our future grandchildren and spending holidays with them and the kids. Why do I have to remember this crap. I know she is gone. Divorce is final in 17 days. This has all happened so fast!! I am such a wuss and know I need to move the F on. I guess I should mention I had to see her today. Man is she beautiful!! I wish I had showed how beautiful she was when we were together.
Author MARINE_ONE Posted February 2, 2010 Author Posted February 2, 2010 Your life isn't over. It is just beginning, 17 days and counting. I keep telling myself that but it doesn't feel like it. It's weird cuz I want her back so badly even though I know I wouldn't take her back. I guess I want it like it used to be. I now wonder if she ever really loved me.
seibert253 Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 The OM's W needs to know what's going on. The OM probably will throw you W under the bus when she puts the smackdown on her WH. You need to tell her. Oh, by the way, when you file for D, and have her served, that is the first day of the rest of your life. Trust me, it does get better. Time my friend, give it time.
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