curiousnycgirl Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 So last night a friend of mine called - actually I was her son's friend, and remained friendly with her after her son passed away. She started crying becauase her son was so excited that I had found my ex - and he would be so upset at what had happened. Yup that got me crying again Then this am - I went on facebook and even though I have deleted him as a friend, a mutual friend of ours commented on some new picutres he posted. Pictures of our trip to Israel. So I was able to scroll through the whole album - I was bawling. I have not been able to look at the trip pictures without crying - and here he is posting them. No pictures of me of course - some reference to me I guess as he kept say "we" and "our." Then some stupid comment about the benefits of deadsea mud for just the cost of a plane flight - WTF?! That plane flight that I paid for? Just the cost of that? NO reality is it was at the cost of our relationship and my heart. I know I don't miss what he turned into, but I do miss what he was. I've thought about this a lot. I've realized that I was not hoping he would be someone he's not - I was only hoping he would stay the person I met and fell in love with. Somehow he changed into someone who hated me. And that makes me cry. ALOT.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Ugh, that's horrible hun My ex said to me yesterday, "why did A (mutual friend) text me to tell me you're depressed?" ie it's nothing to do with him
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 I would really like to understand what goes through their heads! Apparently my ex was at an event the other night and was speaking to somone of my brother and sister in law - as if we were still together! He hates my brother. And he's still not told people we've split. His son figured it out - and called to tell me I was better off without that jerk and told me that I was more a part of their family than he ever was and asked that I remain part of their family. This made me sad because everything I did was in an attempt to fix HIS relationship with them. OMG when does the pain go away?!
Meaplus3 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I would really like to understand what goes through their heads! Apparently my ex was at an event the other night and was speaking to somone of my brother and sister in law - as if we were still together! He hates my brother. And he's still not told people we've split. His son figured it out - and called to tell me I was better off without that jerk and told me that I was more a part of their family than he ever was and asked that I remain part of their family. This made me sad because everything I did was in an attempt to fix HIS relationship with them. OMG when does the pain go away?! By not telling people of your split.. it almost sounds like he's in denial at this point. This must be so tough for you curious.. I feel for ya. It also sounds like the person he has become is far from the man you use to love. You know, try your best to move on here. take the time you need to get over it. The pain will go away with time. Time does heal all wounds. My best to you. Mea:)
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 By not telling people of your split.. it almost sounds like he's in denial at this point. This must be so tough for you curious.. I feel for ya. It also sounds like the person he has become is far from the man you use to love. You know, try your best to move on here. take the time you need to get over it. The pain will go away with time. Time does heal all wounds. My best to you. Mea:) Thanks Mea - I just wish my healing would already be done. Some of my friends are waiting for me to start hating him, they feel that will be the first real sign that I am gettng over him. I've got to tell you I don't think I have it in me to hate him. So it's unlikely that sign will ever come. He has told 2 people that it's over. The first is his best friend since early childhood - who apparently listened to my ex unload about me, and the issues we had, for over 2 hours and came to the conclusion that the ex has the issues not me. The second is he cousin who sent me a note telling me they love me. WTF?! Of course I keep hoping that perhaps he's not telling people because he plans to come back, perhaps he's just working on some his issues and then will come back. And I KNOW this is the worst thing for me to be thinking about. Tuesday it will be 9 weeks since the last time we spoke. 9 weeks since he made it clear that he was unwilling to change his behaviour that hurt me, 9 weeks since he basically let me know he hates me. 9 weeks -why am I still crying?!
HeavenOrHell Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 9 weeks isn't long hun, give yourself time...I'm still crying 6 months on, I've got to stop soon, I can't go on like this.
Meaplus3 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Thanks Mea - I just wish my healing would already be done. Some of my friends are waiting for me to start hating him, they feel that will be the first real sign that I am gettng over him. I've got to tell you I don't think I have it in me to hate him. So it's unlikely that sign will ever come. It will be done when the time is right for you to be done with it. Just remember that. Never mind what your friends think. He has told 2 people that it's over. The first is his best friend since early childhood - who apparently listened to my ex unload about me, and the issues we had, for over 2 hours and came to the conclusion that the ex has the issues not me. The second is he cousin who sent me a note telling me they love me. WTF?! He's probably even a touch confused and this is his way of dealing with things. 9 weeks -why am I still crying?! Because your not over it yet sweetie. It will come with time. I cried for over a good year after xmm and I ended things. I take a long time to get past breakups.. that's just me. But, I did it.. and you can to. Ok? Mea:)
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 Because your not over it yet sweetie. It will come with time. I cried for over a good year after xmm and I ended things. I take a long time to get past breakups.. that's just me. But, I did it.. and you can to. Ok? Of course it's ok, what's my other choice? But it took me literally 20 years to trust again, if I keep going at this rate, I'll have one foot in my grave by the time I committ to someone again. It just stinks!
skydiveaddict Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 OMG when does the pain go away?! The pain will fade with time. It's been four months for me and it still hurts . I think you would be helping yourself heal faster if you stopped going to his FB page. Or having any other contact with him. Each time you do, it's going to open your emotional wounds that are trying to heal. I'm going through the very same thing right now.. Try to stay busy, working out helps start a new hobby, like umm, maybe skydiving! You'll meet tons of cool people, 99% of them guys! Hang in there, you will be ok
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 The pain will fade with time. It's been four months for me and it still hurts . I think you would be helping yourself heal faster if you stopped going to his FB page. Or having any other contact with him. Each time you do, it's going to open your emotional wounds that are trying to heal. I'm going through the very same thing right now.. Try to stay busy, working out helps start a new hobby, like umm, maybe skydiving! You'll meet tons of cool people, 99% of them guys! Hang in there, you will be ok Oh I deleted him as a friend on FB - the only reason I saw him today is because a mutual friend commented on his picture - one I took when we were on vacation in November, Otherwise it would not have come up at all. That just set me right off after the phone call last night. I am trying to stay busy - got a new dog, and he is totally a handful. I used to skydive but witnessed my friend's canopy collapse in the World FreeFall convention in Illinois years ago and lost my nerve. I still ride my horse (just back from the barn now - although the new pup doesn't like the horse so far) - and I still scuba dive when I can get away (not good with a new dog). Otherwise I sit here continuing to wonder how I could love someone so completely who's feelings for me had turned to hate. OY VEY!
Meaplus3 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Of course it's ok, what's my other choice? But it took me literally 20 years to trust again, if I keep going at this rate, I'll have one foot in my grave by the time I committ to someone again. It just stinks! I hear ya. Vent, post, cry and rant.. best way to get it all out. Your only human and need to recover from this. And the good news is YOU will. My best to you. Mea:)
cdt76 Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 It will be done when the time is right for you to be done with it. Just remember that. Never mind what your friends think. He's probably even a touch confused and this is his way of dealing with things. Because your not over it yet sweetie. It will come with time. I cried for over a good year after xmm and I ended things. I take a long time to get past breakups.. that's just me. But, I did it.. and you can to. Ok? Mea:) I'm glad there are others out there like me. I've been going on 6 months and still as messed up as the week she left me. It does take time and it takes a lot of effort. If you can keep yourself distracted, usually that helps a little.
GrayClouds Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 Fell it, cry your eyes out and move on. The thing you can take pride in that you now know the routine. You can look back see that it hurts like hell but it is not permanent. Just one more round of letting go. One step closer to that better place. Just one more ride on the subway of sorrow but you will soon be back walking the streets of the Manhattan of mirth soon.
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