amilyah Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Ok me and husband been seperated for 3 months.He confirmed to me tonight he had another girlfriend(which i pretty much knew about it) .Hes been trying to get me back for the last week.We was in nc for 2 months.well i was doing so good getting over him and then he comes back. Ok now heres the problem,we slept together tonight.How could i be so dumb.I love this man still after everything hes done to me.I just cant seem to give up our 20 years together.And i really want to.He finally told me tonight he wants me back and thats all it took to lock me in.I really wish he wouldnt have even called me last week. Ok now the plan,Hurt him back.I will take him back then cheat on him.I think the only problem will be is how much i really love him.Can i really do this?Will he forgive me?Will it ruin us forever?I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him,but i also want him to know what he put me through.Am i crazy for thinking these things?I need help people.......................
David V. Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 (edited) You can avenge yourself on him. You can let him taste every bit of the pain you endured. It would be glorious. But you would lose him forever in the process. And then he would be very dumb to take you back after that. Or You could just forgive him. Forgive and forget. And you would risk it happening all over again, when you least expect it. Most men have polygamy as their primal instinct. Or You could communicate with him in an adult manner. Tell him what you are willing to give, and what you as a result are entitled to expect of him. Subtly remind him that if you endured twenty years, it was for a reason, and that both of you will have to work to find it. It would make for an interesting and bonding project. It depends on what you value most. Your revenge. Or the place your partner has held in your life for so long, that you would be willing to endure anything to remain. Or both of you as independent persons in a willing union, and the certainty that you can pull through, if dedicated enough. Edited January 31, 2010 by David V.
Satisfaction Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Its not a good plan to get back with him and then cheat on him. Its true that getting married and staying together for 20 years is alot. Its a big chunk of your life. But do you seriously want to risk sharing the rest of your life with him? Really? What was he doing for those 2 months? Is he taking risks with his and your health with what he is doing? I'm not saying you should throw your 20 years away but you should seriously look at whether you want to give him your future as well as your past.
Author amilyah Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 Thank you both.. I really do love him but im so scared he will do it again.He told me he thought we were through forever is the only reason he was with her.But what i dont understand is he left me so if he thought we was over forever why the hell is he here now telling me he loves me more than anything.I dont know what to do.I want him back but also scared i will never trust him again.I know i have to be the one to decide but i like hearing everyones advice.
Satisfaction Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 I'm sure he does love you.What else has he been saying to you? As you said you have been together a really long time. Sometimes love isn't enough. Or rather saying I love you isn't enough. What ever you decide it will be difficult to stick to but you should remember when everything is all said and done all you have left is you. Be good to you!
Author amilyah Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 This is driving me crazy....He hasnt been back since that night.He has called me twice but we only talked for a miniute.I am so confused here. I was doing so good now i feel like crying all the time again.I think maybe i should start nc again.I dont want to but feel like hes playing games with me.I think he wants me sitting home while hes out having his fun.He heard i was out with other guys and he didnt like it.Well im gonna surprise him and keep going out.Already have plans this weekend!!!!!!
Satisfaction Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 He hasn't been back? Why has he only spoken to you so little? If someone is playing mind games with you then it will hurt. What do you want to do about him? If you decide to go to no contact you have to stick to it, no matter what crazy stuff he pulls. Gather courage if that's what you decide to do. Crying is fine. I find it best to bawl your eyes out then pick yourself up and move forward. Which is exactly what you are doing!
j444 Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Why hurt him more. 2 wrongs don't make a right, and getting even with someone does not get very far. If you love him give him everything you have. There is what is called givers gain. It might take a little while to see the results, but if both of you are truely in love this will give itself over and over again. All of the results will come naturally! You can forgive, but it can be hard to forget. You can forgive, and not look back at the past problems. Which works the best. Make yourself in charge on this one. If he leave again, then go out and have you fun.
Author amilyah Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Thank you guys. Im still confused but decided im not going to try and hurt him by getting even.I have been very good to him through this.When i talk to him or see him i act like im happy and he even says hes so glad im happy.I have talked to him today (lol after saying i was gonna start nc again)and he keeps telling me how much he loves me.This man is driving me crazy.
ann09 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 dont play games. you will only hurt yourself in the process. could you really sleep with someone else if you love him like you say you do?? maybe most people could, but I know I couldn't.
Recommended Posts