How to trigger her emotional responses

[creyente7]

So i was told that to keep a girl interested in you, you will have to control/play/trigger her emotions, how exactly do i do this? Do i need to start being a jerk? And does it always have to be good emotions or is it supposed to be mixed up? Right now i am mad at my girlfruend does that trigger any emotions for her and i havent spoken to her for a while... Oh and i was also told that its part of the game to trigger a girls emotions and control it.

[OceanTropic]

To keep a girl interested, first she needs to be INTERESTED to begin with.

 

What's with all this game playing? I think she would lose interested if that's all you enjoying doing, playing games.

 

Don't be a jerk, but don't be clingy. Balanced and middle ground is always best.

[creyente7]

shEs my girlfriend for five months on those five months i have never been mad her at all, all the people that both her and i are friends with tells me that im too nice, i just want to try the badboy side for a meantime untill ive triggered some of her emotional response and probably become nice again, she says im clingy too, thats why i ask these questions, i want to spice things up a bit and change something before it becomes too overly boring... And plus she already knows im nice and ive already triggered her response to me being nice...

[counterman]

True, not matter what you do it will be a waste of effort if she is not interested in the first place. Don't play any games. Not showing overly strong emotions on both ends is ideal.

[BG1985]

If you start acting like a jerk all the sudden, this girl is definitely gone. She'll know exactly what's up. You can't just start acting like a different person out of the blue. Everyone will see that you're just pretending to be a jerk, and frankly it's pathetic. Just be yourself. Girls generally respond well to positive emotions. Everyone does for that matter. How did you go from being so madly in love to be pissed off at your girlfriend?

[creyente7]

Well i had a mental overhaul, i accepted the fact thay she will dump my ass before it even happened, but it didnt... The reason i was mad was because she wasnt acting like my girlfriend and not telling me why shes acting so different... I just ignored her thats all im not really mad she probably though i was, i just wanted to show her how it feels like to be ignored

[sagetalk]

I posted something about this, so I'll respond.

 

First off, triggering her emotions has nothing to do with being a jerk unless you want it to. I would recommend to never do that.

 

Men's weaknesses in dating are spoke of frequently, women know them well, and abuse them mercilessly. That weakness is, of course, physical lust and desire. Women wear high heels, short skirts, low cutting tops, and then proceed to get the man to act however they want. It works and everyone knows it. So what weapons do guys have? Well, our lot is a bit more complicated due to the complexities of women.

 

A women's two major weaknesses are the following (remember them well):

 

1. Pride

2. Their emotions

 

You must learn to use these weaknesses to your advantages rather than disadvantage. Let me give you an example on their weakness of pride.

 

Have you ever heard the saying, "women are never wrong they just change their mind"? Well, that is usually true. Women will almost never admit they are wrong. This is pride, simple and straight forward. So how can you use this to your advantage? Think. If women never want to admit that they are wrong, then, if it is their decision to start a relationship with you, is it not more likely that you will be in control since they would have to admit they were wrong if they broke up with you? If you don't get that, read it again slowly. When women start the relationship, they have to admit they are wrong if they want to break it off with you. Do you see that? I hope you do.

 

This does not mean that she pursues you first, no. Go after her first, boldly. But she must be the one that initiates the talk of a committed relationship. Until she starts talking about it with you, go very slow and never mention it to her. Though you are a nice guy, if you do this, it will keep you from getting dumped frequently. The bad part is, you will have to be the one doing the dumping and that isn't all that great either.

 

The second weakness is their emotions (which you asked about). Do not ever abuse a woman's emotions, ever. It may work, it may get her in bed with you, but you will never be truly happy living the life of a women abuser. With that said, here are my thoughts.

 

When you are arguing or being romantic with a girl, never ever let your emotions become more escalated than her own. If you are making out/sex/date never show her more than she is feeling under any circumstance. Look to her for cues on how to show her how you feel. Even if you do feel more, bury those feelings deep until she reaches the level you feel. Never reveal your feelings at any level until you know for certain that she is there as well (after she has verbally told you). She does not have the ability to hide emotions as well as you do. She cannot compete with you on this level.

 

These are critical steps to making women happy and making them crazy about you. Men who are successful with women do these things, if you want women to stop calling you nice or their best friend, do what I just told you. Now you know, now go and do grasshopper .

[harmfulsweetz]

You have to be who you yourself is. Sorry, but switching personalities will just confuse her, and more than likely, leaved her jaded with you. She got into the relationship with YOU, not you pretending to be a jerk/bad boy, if you come along, five months in, and start acting the jerk, you'll be just that. A jerk.

 

Women are simpler than what you think, our emotions are fairly complex true, but we all respond differently to certain things. Many women want a man who is middle ground, who is nice and good and decent, but also independent, has his own opinion and doesn't cling on, and knows how to say no. You don't have to be a jerk to be those things, you can be a perfectly nice guy. You just have to know your own mind.

 

Women respond to men who make them feel good, in the ways they want to feel good. If she's with you now, it's because she likes you the way you are.

[Kamille]

You seem overly worried of losing her. Why? You are clearly not happy in this relationship right now and she isn't treating you the way you want to be treated.

 

You do have power here. The power to decide what you want out of a relationship. If what you want isn't what you're getting, if the relationship is affecting your self-esteem, then you need to do right by yourself and end things.

 

No one is worth keeping at all cost.

 

So stop playing games and ask yourself: 'How do I want to be treated?'. Then see if you can negotiate that with your current gf. If not, move on.

 

and ps: the 'too nice' - clingy thing... Just from here it's obvious you're not being nice because it's a genuine quality but rather being nice because you want to gain control of the situation. That's not being genuinely nice. Being genuinely nice in this case is wanting what is best for the both of you, not just what is best for her or what is best for you.

[littlebittle]

don't play games. also, jsyk, the silent treatment is emotional abuse.

 

http://abuse101.com/silenttreatmentandabuse.html

 

don't be that guy.

[sid3]

don't play games. also, jsyk, the silent treatment is emotional abuse.

 

http://abuse101.com/silenttreatmentandabuse.html

 

don't be that guy.

 

I agree, the silient treatment is cruel and a form of emotional abuse, the girl that wrote that article has some serious problems.

[sagetalk]

don't play games. also, jsyk, the silent treatment is emotional abuse.

 

http://abuse101.com/silenttreatmentandabuse.html

 

don't be that guy.

 

That article is a steaming pile. Here's a quote from that article:

 

[FONT=arial, verdana]"The truth is, they are far worse at doling out abuse than the physical abuser.[/FONT]"

 

That is an asinine statement. Only the most deranged individual would think something as silly as the silent treatment is worse than someone physically abusing someone. The person who wrote this article is confused and overacting to say the least.

 

The silent treatment is one of the least damaging of psychological abuse that someone can use. Most of the time it's not even meant to harm, they are simply running away from the problem. What this girl seems to be describing is that she is physco and he doesn't want to deal with her overreacting. I don't know who this person is, but they are not an intellectual, they are simply a drama queen with a website . And sadly enough, the person who is actually doing the psychological abuse is her not her boyfriend.

[sid3]

It really depends on circumstances that the silient treatment is used . The girl that wrote that article probably gets it all the time because she is a nut case, I know I'd want to give her the silient treatment, after I had brought the bunnies inside to safety

[harmfulsweetz]

Some people actually use the silent treatment not deliberately, they go silent as a lack of communication style, they don't know how to communicate their needs, wants and feelings well, and so they go silent. I'm one of these at times. I don't do it to be abusive. I do it because I clam up and don't have the words to say, or the confidence to say them.

 

However, using the silent treatment as a means to garner a reaction/response or punish your partner, is abusive.

[littlebittle]

That article is a steaming pile. Here's a quote from that article:

 

[FONT=arial, verdana]"The truth is, they are far worse at doling out abuse than the physical abuser.[/FONT]"

 

That is an asinine statement. Only the most deranged individual would think something as silly as the silent treatment is worse than someone physically abusing someone. The person who wrote this article is confused and overacting to say the least.

 

The silent treatment is one of the least damaging of psychological abuse that someone can use. Most of the time it's not even meant to harm, they are simply running away from the problem. What this girl seems to be describing is that she is physco and he doesn't want to deal with her overreacting. I don't know who this person is, but they are not an intellectual, they are simply a drama queen with a website . And sadly enough, the person who is actually doing the psychological abuse is her not her boyfriend.

 

i posted a link to this article in order to illustrate the negative consequences that this type of behavior can have on someone. it's one thing to need space when you're angry, but it's another to actively ignore someone or withhold affection as a form of manipulation. that's abuse, plain and simple. my original post was not intended to imply that the op is abusive. i just wanted to give him a head's up that this kind of behavior is unhealthy and damaging.

 

here's some further reading:

 

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

http://www.kensavage.com/archives/silent-treatment/

http://www.skiff.tcu.edu/Fall2002/101702/silent.html

http://emotional-verbal-abuse.suite101.com/article.cfm/emotional_abuse_is_emotional_bullying

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Abusive-Relationships-1663/Silent-Treatment.htm

http://www.howtoguides365.com/how-to/emotional-abuse/

http://elyntromey.com/therapyblog/?p=78

 

now i realize that these articles are not peer-reviewed, but i'm a psychologist, and most of my colleagues would agree that that this form of abuse is nothing to be taken lightly.

 

The silent treatment is one of the least damaging of psychological abuse that someone can use.

 

can you back this up with a source? i'm just curious. as a social worker, i'd be interested in learning more about exactly how to gauge the damage of various forms of abuse on individuals.

[sagetalk]

1. now i realize that these articles are not peer-reviewed, but i'm a psychologist, and most of my colleagues would agree that that this form of abuse is nothing to be taken lightly.

 

2. can you back this up with a source? i'm just curious. as a social worker, i'd be interested in learning more about exactly how to gauge the damage of various forms of abuse on individuals.

 

I read some of them, they are on the specific topic itself so it's going to be blown out of proportion.

 

Look at emotional abuse such as:

 

Dominating/Fear: "You're nothing without me", "Where will you go, no one wants you", "You'll never find someone better than me"

Control: "Don't go anywhere unless I say so", "Do what I say or else", "I'm the boss, not you"

 

Those two types are far worse, it's not even close. Neither of those above could be done in a positive manner to ones partner. It wrecks the person that is receiving the abuse. Would you trade the silent treatment for one of these? I bet you wouldn't.

[meerkat stew]

it's one thing to need space when you're angry, but it's another to actively ignore someone or withhold affection as a form of manipulation.

 

Agree with this, but have found that my stance of "Let's retire on this until tomorrow morning when we aren't as heated," is usually interpreted by women I date as withholding affection or emotional manipulation . IME, women and men have different definitions of "cooling off" and "ignoring," and have had women claim that if I don't respond to their contact within an hour or two that I am "ignoring" them... many, many times with many, many different women.

 

Sometimes it is encoded as "you seem distant today," after not responding to her last text within 30 minutes due to it being the workday and being -working-. Oh the joy of checking your phone after a meeting and having 5-7 plaintive texts from an insecure GF in the span of two hours. They always start so sweet, then end so nasty. "Well I see you are busy at work, don't let me interfere with that."

 

Cynically, I believe that many women's definitions of "cooling off" versus "ignoring" depends entirely on whether they are the ones who want to cool off or whether it's the man. The various standards applied are marvelously variable depending on what she wants in the moment. If she wants to talk about a trivial tiff for SIX hours, then expressing any desire to not do this is equivalent to "ignoring" her or being "avoidant" (depending on her self-perceived mastery of psychobabble ).

 

If OTOH, she doesn't deem a topic worthy of any discussion at all, suddenly her TWO MONTH "cooling off" period for discussing it seems infinitely reasonable... to her, and that's all that matters.

 

The chief rejection tactic of men by women these days is simply ignoring their attempts to contact. Does this qualify as emotional abuse?

[littlebittle]

I read some of them, they are on the specific topic itself so it's going to be blown out of proportion.

 

Look at emotional abuse such as:

 

Dominating/Fear: "You're nothing without me", "Where will you go, no one wants you", "You'll never find someone better than me"

Control: "Don't go anywhere unless I say so", "Do what I say or else", "I'm the boss, not you"

 

Those two types are far worse, it's not even close. Neither of those above could be done in a positive manner to ones partner. It wrecks the person that is receiving the abuse. Would you trade the silent treatment for one of these? I bet you wouldn't.

 

your opinion is interesting, but unsubstantiated. again, in my original post, i was simply pointing out that this behavior is unhealthy and damaging. also, as someone who works with people who have suffered from emotional abuse, i would never diminish anyone's personal experience. especially by making value judgments such as, "Those two types are far worse, it's not even close." the reality is that all abuse is potentially damaging, and no one can know how any one type will affect one individual to the next.

 

any victim of physical or emotional hurt can tell you that abuse is abuse. and if your own life experiences don't corroborate that claim because you yourself have not personally dealt with this pain, you might consider yourself lucky.

 

now we've gotten off-topic from the op and i think i'm finished here, but thanks for your input

[sid3]

Only if it suddenly turns them into nice guys who develop oneitis and wallow in beta-ness instead of saying next.

[sagetalk]

 

1. your opinion is interesting, but unsubstantiated.

 

2. also, as someone who works with people who have suffered from emotional abuse, i would never diminish anyone's personal experience. especially by making value judgments such as, "Those two types are far worse, it's not even close." the reality is that all abuse is potentially damaging, and no one can know how any one type will affect one individual to the next.

 

3. any victim of physical or emotional hurt can tell you that abuse is abuse.

 

 

1. As was yours.

 

2. Diminishing, is that not what your argument does? I can make value judgments if I wish, especially if they are backed by logic. How can you compair the silent treatment to a fear monger, or the behavior of an obsessive control freak. It's madness and unfair to people who actual went through those horrible situations to say someone who had the silent treatment had an equally bad experience. Had I gone through something like that (any of the three) I would be grossly insulted by that.

 

3. I disagree. Just as there are various degrees of physical abuse, so there are various degrees of emotionally abuse. You would never be able to find more than a few people (if any) that would rather live under abusive fear and control rather than the silent treatment. Everyone would chose the silent treatment. Do the study if you wish, let me know the results and mention me in the credits .

 

It's revolutionary research in psychology brought to you by Sagetalk .

[stillafool]

I agree, the silient treatment is cruel and a form of emotional abuse, the girl that wrote that article has some serious problems.

 

I think so too. If someone tells me to leave them alone I certainly will and will ignore them. I hate when people say leave me alone but really don't want you to. Just say what you mean, because I take people at their word. I guess I have been guilty of giving "the silent treatment" in the past quite a bit. When I was single and living alone it was easy to do. Never looked at it the way this girl wrote it.

[stillafool]

Now that I think about it , I mostly used the silent treatment as a way to stop arguing or if I felt rejected. When there was a lot or arguing or I didn't feel wanted I just wouldn't call or answer calls anymore. I was crazy as hell.

[greatgirlfriend]

The current guy is playing games with me. If he doesn't stop, I won't speak ever to him. Most game playing isn't cool and she'll be gone if she has half a brain.

[sagetalk]

Now that I think about it , I mostly used the silent treatment as a way to stop arguing or if I felt rejected.

 

Very common. Many times when men argue with women, they both use verbal abuse. If the man genuinely wants to end the argument , but the women keeps going on (or the other way), he/she will give her/him the silent treatment just to keep from giving her/him fuel for the fire. That is not abusive, it's common sense. It's better to just walk away and wait for tempers to cool down.