CSmith11222 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I don't know if this is normal, or am I overreacting. I have been going out with my boyfriend for eight months, and I feel like he does not want to talk to me. He is so eager to answer people's texts when I am with him, but he usually doesn't answer my texts right away. Another thing is I want flowers sooo bad. He said he used to buy them for his other girlfriends, but they were getting expensive. He has never bought them for me, and I have mentioned it a few times how I would love some flowers. Last thing is I'll buy him lunch a lot, and he barely ever buys me lunch, but he will buy his friends lunch. I just feel left out, is this normal? Thanks for any advice.
counterman Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Eight months? It does like he is a bit reluctant to give to you. Maybe he has been taken for granted in the past? I think if you are his girlfriend, he should be a bit more willing. It does not seem normal that he's so.. standoff-ish towards you. I don't know the exact details but if he's more a lot inclined to his friends than to you, that's a problem. It is not great feeling second best and it seems you are second.
Author CSmith11222 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 He was going out with a girl for almost a year before me, and she left him for his friend. I feel that he is holding back because of what has happened to him. I want him to trust me, and make him understand that I won't screw him over like she did. I do so much for him, but I don't know how else to prove it.
counterman Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 That probably explains it. I had a so-called friend who ended up dating my ex after we broke-up and I am not going to have a relationship with anyone until I am ready. Thing is, you should not really start a relationship with someone if you are not willing to give all of yourself in some way to the other person. There is nothing you can really do. He just has to learn to trust you and not hold back because all holding back is going to do is allow your relationship to wither away. You will wind up hurt. If you are finding that you are head over heels in the relationship for him and he's not reciprocating, then you might want to consider ending it. It's not about you giving, giving and giving.
Author CSmith11222 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 Ok thanks. He says he wants to marry me, and I love him so much. I just want to feel like I am getting as much out of this relationship as I am giving.
BG1985 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 He treats you like this but says he wants to marry you? Actions speak louder than words. His actions show that he is not terribly interested than you. He treats you as though he doesn't trust you but he supposedly trusts you enough to marry you?
counterman Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 He might not know how much you are actually feeling about all of this as well. Talk to him and discuss it sincerely, find out why he's been this way, and, if he loves you, he will hear you out and give you an explanation. After that, reassure him that he can trust you. Go from there. That's what I think anyways. That's normal to feel that you want something out of the relationship as well. It makes me feel so happy when I send a girl flowers, just knowing that her face will light up! He might come around and send you flowers for valentine's day but, yes, talk to him.
Author CSmith11222 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 Well he says that I'm so beautiful, that he worries that I would leave him someday or cheat on him.
Author CSmith11222 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 I tried bringing it up before, and he told me that he felt like I thought he didn't do anything for me. He does do things for me, and we spend a lot of time together; it just seems like I do a lot more.
counterman Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 (edited) They are words, honey. His actions will show whether he means it or not and so far he's not very convincing. If he really wanted to be with you, he will show you. He will treat you better. My ex once said the most beautiful things and I was a sucker to believe her words and not her actions. She said she wanted to marry me and saw me as her husband but she treated me like dirt. In reply to that last post, my ex thought I didn't feel that too. She told me she thought that I thought she didn't do much for me. Yes, she did but she made it seem like it was so damn hard, like she was suffering. I did want more out of our relationship and she thought she was doing a LOT already when in fact she didn't really love me (even though she said she did), so why would she put in that extra effort? Edited January 31, 2010 by counterman
Author CSmith11222 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 I understand you, and I'm sorry about your situation. I just wish there is something I can do to make him actually show that he loves me...if he does.
BG1985 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I hate games and all, but back off a bit. If he really wants you, he'll put more effort into you.
counterman Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Thanks, but my situation is not important. I was just sharing it with you because I thought it drew some parallels. If he does love you, he will show you. Simple as that. It shouldn't take you doing more for him or you leaving him for him to show you that he loves you. If it is really bothering you, talk to him seriously about this. How he reacts and responds will definitely tell you if he loves you or not.
Author CSmith11222 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 Ok, I'll try that. Thanks for ya'lls help.
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