How can I get my GF back??

[WantToGetExBack]

This is going to be long and complicated, but I will really appreciate if any of you can take time to read and comment on my situation as I need all the help I can get during this tough period I am going through. Please if you are going to tell me to move on and forget this girl for whatever reasons, then you don't have to take the trouble of reading this long thread because I am already going through a lot of negative feelings, and desperately seeking for some hope.

I met this girl online about year and half ago who is from Chicago while I live in Toronto (we both are 21 and never met yet). In about couple of months, we were in love with each other( I initiated the whole thing), and she finally gave me her phone number. We talked on phone a lot, at times over 3-4 hours each day. We were deeply attached to each other( as it was first relationship for both of us), it did not take us long to have some very descriptive phone conversations, but at the same time we talked so much about having a future together and continued to do so until a week ago when she broke up with me.

Over the last year, we've never had a smooth relationship. And I know it was because we were too incompatible for each other, she is very independent, private, understanding, wants to have her space, compared to me who was always very clingy, pleading to talk with her all the time, I stalled her all the time when she had to leave, I was insecure, questioned her love, at times said abusive terms( such as B****, W****) brought up stupid things to argue with her pertaining to our relationship, gave her stress, hard time, pushed her away, few times she cried.

However, all those break ups, one thing common was she would ignore me for 3-4 days, and then we would talk and everything would be normal in few days. Last couple of times, I had to get a friend involved to help me as she would not communicate at all, but eventually it helped us get back together. I know all of you will want to kill me for making her go, but I wanted more acceptance, she basically wanted to keep me separate from all other aspects of her life, she didn't want me to know her home phone number, she didn't want her family to know about us, she didn't even want her online friends to know about me. I also had to wait for her call to call her back as she never wanted to talk front of her family, so I never had the privilege of calling her when I needed her( however we still talked 1-2 hours everyday). But the story with all the break ups was she would hang up and never want to talk for few days and I would beg her, plead her, send crazy amount of text messages, would swear not to let it happen again).

Now to last week, we had talked so good for two weeks, I was totally different, did not call her much, did not text, gave her chance to miss me. She liked how I was, called me late at night 1-2 AM couple nights(she had never done this before), she stayed over at hospital for one night and text me saying she is crying because she can't talk in the morning with me now.

 

Then on Friday of last week, there we go again. For few months I had been asking her to at least give me her sister's #( because she said she told her little about us) who is in Toronto also so that if there's ever a problem, I can call her up or just for my assurance. She always refused, I felt maybe this time she would understand as she was in hospital and I was really worried that night. This led to arguments yet again( to the point I asked her to swear on her mother if she really loves me and that she isn't playing with me, and she did swear). Then we talked at night and had similar arguments and she cried hanging up ( she did say she will try to call next day) but I never got her call. Then two days later I text her, and she says we are done for good, nothing in the world will help anymore. I messaged her about hundred times to chat with me once, she would not agree, but after couple of days, we chatted. Then we chatted last night again. I will not lie, during all this time, I have missed my university, cried, have lost my apetite, can't socialize with family anymore( all this has happened before for all the break ups except this time it is for longer and I know I am not going to get her back). I have felt miserable, disgusted with myself, lagging behind my school, I have basically given up on my life as I am texting her every few mins (10 txts to get one reply) to chat with me. I take ritalin pills to help me focus and study, but during all this time, I feel as if I have been abusing them because I can't help but take them to elevate my mood, feel more hopeful, get some relief of these misery feelings, so that I don't text her a lot( because she said she will change her number if I continue). Reason for all this is couple of times we chatted, she said she will always be there when she can but not as girlfriend anymore, and we will not talk on phone anymore. And that I need to just move on, there is absolutely nothing in the world that can fix it now, she likes being this way as there's no stress anymore. She said I pushed her away, I asked her if we can talk on phone instead of chat, and she said I will lose whatever she is giving me here. I asked her why she broke up, she said she just can't compete with my brain and the things I say and how I say them. I begged her to take me back, pleaded with her, told her what I'm going through, asked her if there's even the slightest of chance, she said she can't see anything even if she tried, her heart says no. All previous times I blamed her little, but now I know I pushed her away, I was too clingy, I didn't give her space, I only gave her stress. But I am going through a lot myself, begging her, pleading her, because I absolutely madly love this girl, we planned out our future together, every little thing and I can't see it just fade away. This whole week has messed me up, and I know I can't just move on( as she tells me ) and at the same time I can't keep feeling this misery. I was totally addicted to her, she was my inspiration and motivation to do well in school and so on, and I feel like with her I've lost all of that. For once I accept my mistakes and willing to change myself whatever way she wants me. But she has repeatedly said there is nothing left for her to give it another chance.

She agreed to chat every 2nd day( she wants me to stop pleading/begging etc and chat other things) which I can't seem to help, but I am willing to take it easy and chat with her as a friend. I badly want her back, how can I make her see that I have changed, gain her trust back. Any tips to help me get her back? Because I just love this woman, I would rather not have a future than a future without her. I am a wreck right now and realize my mistakes, but want another opportunity to show her that I have finally changed for the better this time. How can I at least convince her to talk on phone? Please do not bash me for being an idiot and insensitive to her feelings, I will do everything to make up to her as there was not a single day I didn't love her, I went out of my way to make this relationship work, lost my dignity, self-respect, everything because I truly love her. And so does she but maybe not to the psycho level that I did, but I know I pushed her away and I am responsible. I want her back one last time, I devoted all my energy, passion to this relationship and made just as many mistakes, but I know I will learn from this. Someone please help me!

Edited January 31, 2010 by WantToGetExBack

[GrayClouds]

sorry about your pain, it is time to allow yourself to heal. Read the following and do all that is says it will help:

 

So you want a second chance?

[WantToGetExBack]

I don't know about the advice in that thread. My situation is long distance, and if I don't chat with her or apply NC policy, she is never going to know that I have changed. Also I don't know if she is the type to initiate contact first. I know she wants to see a change in me( so I'm more calm, relax, easy going), but at the same time how can I at least convince her to open the option for me to earn her back. I feel that will be the biggest motivation for me to do all the right things.

[CaliGuy]

I don't know about the advice in that thread. My situation is long distance,

 

Doesn't matter. The same concepts still apply. Also, you do know that LDRs rarely work out, right?

 

and if I don't chat with her or apply NC policy, she is never going to know that I have changed.

 

Also I don't know if she is the type to initiate contact first. I know she wants to see a change in me( so I'm more calm, relax, easy going), but at the same time how can I at least convince her to open the option for me to earn her back. I feel that will be the biggest motivation for me to do all the right things.

 

You can't convince her of anything. She has to come to her own conclusions. The more you try to use "logic" to make her come back, the more she will pull away from you.

 

You can not, EVER, make someone love you. EVER.

 

Follow the guide, heal up as best you can and pick up the pieces of your life. It's all you can do.

 

If she really wants to be with you, she will find you no matter what.

Edited January 31, 2010 by CaliGuy