lostgetfound Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I must say this is long, but if your in a situation of being Jealous of your ex husbands/ex boyfriends new girlfriend or feeling sad that your ex has left you behind and feel replaced I strongly suggest you read and maybe we can help each other, or maybe I can get my final closure. In making an 8yr long story short: I was married in 03' and divorced in 08', met in Jan 02', and left him in Jan 07'. (This info is so I don’t have too explain it later) Our marriage wasn’t the greatest, we were madly in love.He was a drunk, abusive and crazy. After five years of marriage told me he loves boys. (Ewwww) We had two children, one we gave up for adoption, the other one his mother has custody of. I made him leave bcuz I could no longer accept him as drunk, abusive ways and accept his nasty sick bi sexual ways. He made me ill. I was totally over wanting to be with him. So you may be asking why does it bother me to see him with his new women? Well here is the story.... He moved on so quickly, after 3months of being apart (still married) Earl moves in with this new chick (Bernice) in the same town as our son that his mother has (I am 700 miles away). I had to hear about her over and over from our son, how much Earl was "moving-on, changing, and blah blah" only to find out that was a bunch of crap and BS lies. Earl had me come up the town where he was, after not being together or seeing each other in 2yrs! We saw each other for a day or so then he tells me "he heart is with her". I left the hotel, (cus that’s where his pathetic self was living) I decided to stay and move back to town to fight for visitation for our son. Earl ended up threatening my life; with his criminal record the system took my complaint seriously. He ended up pleading guilty, and got 18 months of probation! Felt amazing to get victory for once! I still failed with the court system seeing my son (they wanted to do a full Child investigation, I was with no job, couch hopping, I couldn’t.). Bertha let me see Bryce maybe 6 times. Anyways... Bernice and I meet and hung out, met her family sick I kno. We became friends (sick I kno) I became sucked into this mess. (We both abusing alcohol and weed intensely) anyways ended bad... she became pregnant and they did their back in forth and now the baby is here and I am back down 700 miles away, plus he is wanted in my state for beating me, so its safe for me here. He won’t ever bother me here. I left cus it wasn’t working out there, I couldn’t find a job, and I wasn’t seeing my son. I gave up (life down here is a million times better for me). Its like I came all the way up there to try and "be with him" and he craps on me... and I still lose. I am over Earl, he is such a loser I mean for Pete’s sake he doesn’t even have a car, or will ever have a DL... (He owes over 3,000 in fines) But Bernice really makes me mad, its like winning Earl is a game and she’s won! She has taken him completely away from me forever, even communicating about our son. I am glad she’s one, but why does it bother me so much? Now he’s got a kid with her! And hasn’t had a job since April 09’! His family and her family are all 100 percent supportive, and he and she get to see our son whenever they want and I am stuck with nothing. I haven’t mentioned that Earl is so abusive to Bernice that he has cracked her skull open. I have no desire to fight for my son now. It’s pathetic but this story is the like the worse life time story in the whole world. What do I? Bernice has pretty much declared my son as her too, says she loves him as hers. I don’t even think my son cares to be honest. I have left my daughter out till now cus I didn’t want to confuse you, but I have to think about her (he isn’t earls, and she came first and doesn’t have a dad). Bottom line, Bernice is on my mind constantly. I am always looking at her face book, it’s become a sick horrible nightmare, I keep saying I am getting better and letting go, which I am… cus I have let Earl go, honestly but I am so burned out by my thoughts on this chick. She has replaced me in more ways then one and the thing that bugs me the most is… Earl refuses to marry her. He married me, WTF?????? I am writing a book, I kno I have horrible grammar, but my story must be told. I just can’t seem to start it cus I am still obsessing over Bernice. Of coarse Earl and Bernice aren’t the real names; it’s their names in my book.
Morgued Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I'll try to make this quick and to the point. From the way that 'Earl' treats you and the way you describe his habits... I wouldn't waste anymore time thinking of him (though that might be easier said than done.) As for Bernice, I would try not to... (trying to put it lightly) be around her anymore... From what you've said I can only guess a few reasons why you would even want to be near her. 1.To get closer to Earl 2.To be closer to your son 3....Might not mention this one lol Anyways point is to focus on YOU for right now. I would recommend staying off anything that has to do with knowing how people are doing (facebook, myspace, that god awful twitter thing). I'm not real great at handling divorse/marrage issues, as I have not gone through anything like that myself. However I did post something titled 'Need a hand?' if you're feeling down, you might want to give that a gander. I wish you the best of luck.
Author lostgetfound Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 I am over trying to be close to anyone. Even my son I have accepted that its over. I just dont kno why shes on my mind. but yes your right now looking at the facebook will help. Just dont know what to do about the kid in the future.
Morgued Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Well apparently because you're still thinking about what to do with him in the future, you haven't accepted that it's over with your son. Frankly I wouldn't advise giving up your son. Like I said before I know nothing of marrage/divorse, but I do know that if I EVER had a child, no matter how old, I would always fight for them. I believe that once a person has a child, their lives should be devoted to them 100%. Atleast until they're 18/21. That's just how I feel on that paticular subject....Call me old fasioned for a 21 y/o.
Author lostgetfound Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 I have heard people tell me that a million times. But it really is over, until I get an attorney I cannot do a damn thing about it. Unless Earl dies, or goes to Jail, or really just disapears I am stuck. He has kept me from Bryce and he is still doing it. He still wants to hurt me, makes me sick. I havent ever been able to be a mother, she has had him since he was 1. I have a feeling we have a better chance at having a relationship when he can fully understand how sick these people are. Earl is a sick human being and gets to see Bryce and I am stuck with nothing. I have no desire to keep fighting with these people, its a cycle that will never end been fighting for so long that I am fighting just for the sake of fighting. I cant move on and let bernice go if I have to keep hearing about how his baby brother this, his daddy this, Bernice that... It kills me inside. Its selfish I kno but this situation has taken my life from me. I gave my all to be in Bryces life and I failed. I cant do it anymore and I dont want to do it anymore.
CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 She's on your mind because you feel you have been replaced and have a deep desire to know why she is "better" than you. Truth is, she isn't "better" than you at all. Nobody is truly better as a whole. She just might be more of a fit for Mr Abusive than you are. And in your case, this is not a bad thing at all. I've been replaced a few times in my life. Not by men who were better men by any means. Taller and younger, maybe, but there's nothing about them that is "better" than me. We're just different people and not everyone you meet (and sometimes marry) is the ideal person. We all make mistakes. It's learning from them and not repeating them that helps us eventually find the RIGHT person. The ones we're the BEST for each other.
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