blair08 Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 I had a friend years ago, her and her husband had a very rocky relationship. They had been through many ups and downs just as mine and my husbands had been for awhile. We lost touch over the years, well actually we are no longer friends (her choice) she decided to move on and felt like her new friends were more important, and I got dropped like a hot potato without any explanation what so ever. I had no choice really but to move on, even though I tried to be in touch with her over the years to find out what I did or maybe it was just her, period. Anyway, I'm a firm believer that people can change, if they want too. She always felt the same. So, supposedly I heard from other family and friends of hers, that her husband changed his ways, from being emotionally/verbally/and phyiscally abusive towards her. And that it went from her thinking he was the biggest ********* ever, and hating him, to him being the most wonderful and her life is just excellent, now. And it probably is which is wonderful. Well, I believe it can happen, because people do and can change. However, my husband was never the way her husband used to be with her. My husband had a bit of a drinking problem and has been clean and sober and in AA for almost 2 years now. To me thats a wonderful accomplishment. However when it was told to her from a mutual friend of ours that my husband was doing better and we both were and he got some help through AA and things were better with us, she refuses to believe that. Her words to the other friend was, "I doubt that, their situation wont change, her husband wont change." I'm appalled to tell ya the truth and hurt. Her husband can change his violent ways but my husband can't from his drinking? I'm not sure I understand how in one breath she would say or believe people can change and that her husband did but mine didn't? She hasn't even talked to me in like 3 years! Is that hypocritical of her? I guess her dropping me for whatever reason was a good thing!
JackJack Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 "Is this hypocritical?" It really sounds that way. IMO, I think you're better off without her in your life anyway. She did you a favor. That makes no sense for her to think her husband can change, but no one else can. maybe she wished misery on you and had hoped you both would still be in that misery.
threebyfate Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 First of all, your mutual friend is not being a friend to anyone by telling tales, particularly if she/he took a particular statement and put it out of context of the entire discussion. It's possible there were qualifiers, before and/or after that statement, which could change the entire meaning of the disclosed judgement. The reason I say this, is that I used to have a friend who did this. She would state all kinds of outrageous statements, in a black humour kind of way, I would play along with it, as a joke, and then, she would pass around some of my comments, as being serious and completely out of context, without mentioning any of her own comments, etc. This is no friend, just someone who wants to crank up the drama, for personal entertainment. Having said that, if your mutual friend was being honest and gave you all the background to the discussion, then yes, your ex-friend is a complete hypocrite. Does she have an axe to grind, against both or either one of you and your husband?
Author blair08 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 Thanks JJ! TBF, I understand what you're saying. However it wasn't just that mutual friend, but it was the main one I heard from last. I had said in my first post that it came from other family and friends as well, so it wasn't just the one source. It actually sounds just like something she would say. I look back over the years, when we both were going through a rough time, and I thought we were friends and needed someone to confide in and lean on. Well I ended up finding out she wasn't ever really my friend to begin with. She would go tell others the things I had confided in her about. Plus one of the big signs I guess I just missed or maybe overlooked, was the fact how bad she would talk TO me ABOUT other people like they were dogs. So what in the world would have made me think that if she could talk TO me ABOUT others that she wouldn't be doing the same about me to others. As far as an axe to grind? Thats a good question. I have no clue. I didn't hear from her all of a sudden out of the blue one day. I called her, emailed her and IMed her, she never returned any of those. This went on for a period of time, and then I thought why am I doing this, she obviously for whatever doesn't want to be friends anymore. Then later on is when I would find out from others all the thing she had said. Like I said I guess she did me a favor. JJ, I think maybe that is part of it, she wanted me to still be in misery, because some of the things she ended up saying, pointed to it being like that.
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